SEX AND THE CITY

Variety they say is the spice of life and has underlined the endeavors of man since time. Time is dynamic and so the varieties keep changing to keep up the pace. Interestingly, it is this variety that has been man’s Waterloo, just because most people consider the word as an entity and not in its entirety.

Variety to others may mean an individual who can or must do everything expected of man. To others, it may mean the participation of various expectations from various people. The people who find themselves in the latter category are bound to go through life easily than those who belong to the former.

Sex, a pervasive and one of the primary motives of humankind has taken prominence in our interactions ever since the advent of time. Among the myriad and forms of discussions this sex topic takes is how it should be done, who should do it, where it should be done, and what have you.

Where do we even get these funny ideas? Where do we get all these sex education? Readily among the list are porn movies, men’s magazines, mates bragging down at the local pub, the confession pages of dailies and publications and oh, those  nasty jokes women make about pre-ejaculation. Is it any wonder, we get confused about what’s expected in bed?

Some think staying all night will make them a sex god and all those bedroom gymnastics making their partners cross-eyed with desire. Besides getting exhausted, they probably don’t enjoy the sex either. Intimacy is not only shown through sex, but through other various ways like cuddling or taking a shower together because obviously some don’t need sex all the time. The problem often is, we get too worried to impress which should not be like that.

Like most things in life, we want to be at par with everyone else, but when it comes to sex – there is no right or wrong. It only depends on each individual couple. After all sex drive is not only varied over time with hormones but also according to stress and life events. A good sex life takes time and effort to maintain. So it does not always come easy - our busy lives are taxing and often leave us tired and devoid of the imagination and motivation required to keep up the pace. Having good sex doesn’t necessarily mean spending hours and hours of frolicking, it can be as simple as doing something a little different just for a change.

Women are cyclic creatures, and their sex drive varies depending on their hormones and what’s going on in her life. Sometimes it takes a bit longer to get her hot and the same-old song and dance may not be enough. Therefore, it's important to add a few more stimulating aspects to your sex life to keep things interesting. And what often complicates the issue is we don’t like to talk about it with our partners.

All you need to have a great sex is intimacy, physicality, mental relaxation and a good laugh. Confidence is definitely one of the most important things you need as it gives you the necessary presence, charm, charisma and sex appeal you want. Scientists have discovered five sexual organs namely the tongue, hand, penis, vagina and the breast but there is a virtual one, the brain which perhaps is the biggest sex organ of all.

Sex should not be a difficult thing to do as long as it does not stand against your normal expectations. Don’t be swayed by any PR. Do it the way that pleasures you best. Until I see you in the city, practice safe sex!!!

ALL DIE BE DIE!!

To a very great extent, all die be die because no mater what the circumstances surrounding a death, the person(s) involved ceases to exist but the question I seek to ask is ‘is it true that all die be die?’

I think some deaths are irresponsibly stupid deaths considering the circumstances under  which they occur, the reason and the cause of death. for example, I can't meet my death fighting over a promiscuous girl and say it was worth it, but I could die defending my fundamental human rights,  but even in this dispensation where all the power brokers care for is their selfish ambitions, it is no more wise and worth dying for even the nation.

I think it is not worth dying for any cause, nor organization or any individual. The only person worth dying for is one’s self because everything is momentary. We live in times where wrong seems right and right seems wrong. Nothing is done with reasoning  except people's vision clouded with self-indulgence and avarice. We have different laws for different people characterized by their corresponding  treatments.

Sometimes it baffles my thought and imagination to think that people judge issues by virtue of their affiliations; be it religious, political and what have you, when all we have to do is to approach issues objectively. I wonder why one individual who is a member of a certain political party who embezzles money from the state coffers should be shielded by a group or persons because they happen to belong to the same group. Money that is meant for the collective good of our nation and it’s people…. Except I enjoyed part of the booty.

Are we building parties or we are building a nation? Does it really matter who builds the nation and makes it conducive for it’s citizens by provision of uninterrupted power supply, creation of real time jobs, good educational  institutions and policies?

All we need is good living conditions and an air of freedom for us to develop as a nation. We cannot have our leaders making irresponsible speeches inciting people and conditioning their minds for violence and mayhem.  We all know we live in a society where certain figures are perceived as demi-gods; as they want us to believe.  we cannot allow such statements from them, and they have the effrontery  to justify it’s essence. Yes, because we have a large percentage of followers who are vulnerable and prone to carrying the ‘orders’ of these demi-gods. This even sounds like war mongering.

 

Personally, queuing to even cast my vote is an ordeal I’ve since put a stop to, so I wonder what will make me go to the extent of fighting for a politician because they don’t  take us serious. They only know the poor electorates when it’s time to go to the polls. They then ascend to the various offices only to tell us that they cant fulfill their promises because their predecessors have squandered the money. The impudence for lying to us over the years. Why don’t you prosecute the officer who squandered the money then? We have been taken for granted for far too long. No politician will help you if he does not stand to gain more than you do. Leave them to cause the mayhem with their families. Allow them to do their own ‘shit-bombings’. Allow them to do the underground dealings and their own serial-killings. Don’t allow yourself to be used by these selfish and insensitive leaders against your  fellow oppressed.

Every good deed or speech should be praised and the bad ones condemned regardless of who said it. All die can never be die if the citizenry is incited to rise against each other with cutlasses, clubs, guns, bows and arrows while the brains behind them sit at home peacefully with their diplomatic passports handy and a get-away car packed at vantage points.

I am sure  that the person who made the pronouncement has implicitly regretted making such a statement but I see people trying to defend the indefensible. Let’s stop affiliating ourselves to religious groups, political groups, organizations and even individuals so that we can think of ourselves as unique individuals. It is not good to say, I am an NDC, NPP, a catholic, a pentecostal, a nurse or a doctor since we tend to take on the beliefs and ideologies of the affiliated object of interest at the expense of our very selves. We have to be open minded and receptive to ideas and form opinions instead of belittling ourselves trying to get stuck up on a group.  Groups are formed by individuals and so it is imperative that we always remain as individuals because group-think is usually destructive.  Eg. I am the nephew of so, so and so, I am the boyfriend of that star actress and a friend of that famous newscaster. It’s all good that way but what happened to the SELF, the I, ME theory?

It behooves all of us to educate our friends and families out there that no politician is worth dying for and they should stay far away from trouble and it’s makers because all die no be die!

YOUR PURPOSE, MY PURPOSE!

Life they say is how u make it, but how are we making or living our lives? If life certainly is how we make it, then why are some accepted and some are not? Do they fit into the purpose of life?

Our lives did not just crystallize from the vacuum, but was guided and guarded by the mystical powers beyond, a deity that has enormous powers and bigger than we ever thought. Therefore we have to render account to him. This accounting exercise has become necessary and factual because even here on earth, our masters and facilitators expects and make it a necessity. And so with this hindsight, how are we living our lives?

I understand humans, the superior of all God’s creations were created in the image of God and for him thus making us masters of our own fate and self, but most of us have become slaves to the system with our full consent and endorsement. This is very bad and does not fit into the divine plan.

Most of us hardly meditate on our ways and the only time we do is when we are hard up or stuck up in dicey situations that we unconsciously and consciously plunge ourselves into. Instead, you see most people waking up in the morning and running helter-skelter to their various workplaces, schools and what have you at the expense of their inner satisfaction and that of the creator and the most interesting thing is we are ever complaining.

If our to and fro's are characterized by all this complaining and grumblings, then what is stopping us from changing our lifestyles? I guess it’s the status quo. Yes, because I have to eat like any other person, wear good clothes and put on scented perfumes, drive the best if not the latest cars and to satisfy my sexual gratification.
                                                                     

We have been conditioned to be employed and basically that is what we are taught by our predecessors who should know better. In as much as we have to work and satisfy our hunger; a basic necessity, it is not the purpose of our very existence. There is an ever growing population in our schools all over the world learning to become good employees because that is what makes you a good and accepted person in society which definitely is outside the creator’s purpose for us.

God created us simply to make him happy by revering him and living within his tenets. These tenets are the universal or karmic laws and not the ones instituted by man. Examples of these karmic laws are ‘doing unto others what u would want them done unto u’ and reaping what you sow among others, but what we do is shove these laws aside and hold steadfastly unto the man-made laws which is impossible because most of them only acts as social control and does not give us any inner happiness and does not augur that oneness we crave with the creator. We cannot live outside the functions and expectations of our creator for example, you do not employ a garden boy to do whatever he wants but rather you ask him to do your WILL in the quest of finding happiness for himself.

A computer is designed and manufactured to perform specific functions and that is exactly what it does. There are so many books on the shelf admonishing us to set objectives and goals and even how to achieve them, but what happens after the achievements? We only tend to want more thus not fulfilling our inner satisfaction and making us more empty and confused. On the contrary, the person who lives simple life, guarded by the fact that he has to live for the creator becomes more happier and fulfilled because other things get added to the path he has chosen.

We have fallen so much for the system that we even tend to look down on people who do not work in this hierarchical and structured institutions, but what happens is we are always working to enrich these folks and pay tax at the end of pay day and only go home with peanuts referred to as ‘take home pay’ and we do this all our lives. How pathetic! If only we were conscious of ourselves, then we will find it imperative to sit our butts down and meditate on our lives as to if we are happy regardless of our mode of religion.

What we have to do is to start thinking radically to be self-sufficient so we can have time with our maker who is always within us. We need that persistent and constant communication with him and so must not plunge ourselves into work, work and more work.

We would account for every minute we spend on earth in the next world which has always been an illusion to most of us because the karmic law is prolific and very paramount. Most of us are in on this and we have to start thinking of being self-sufficient and try to be one with the universal soul which is GOD.

All this has come about because we are not programmed. We have a WILL to choose and that makes us special among God’s creation unlike other lower primates and other creations. So let us exercise our WILL well as a generation so that it would have ripple effect on the generation gone by and the ones to come. Let us stop ourselves from being pushed around by people and live our purpose driven lives which would eventually make us happy and that of the creator who has created YOU.

THE STAR (I)

He looked at her intently, obviously absorbing every little detail about her. With his guitar strapped across his back, So lost for words and helpless, he turned slowly and started walking away. He could not believe he had gotten to this stage.

All he thought could break his heart was failure to secure a record deal but not a girl. Yayra as he was affectionately called by all and sundry never had a memorable past he could turn to in his moments of despair, so all he concentrated on was the future. Sometimes he even sees himself as the future. He was so optimistic. At other times, he is a big super star living in super stardom with all kind of services at his beck and call.

He was trying to recall how all this started. It was on that airy night in November when he was approached by a very beautiful girl who introduced herself after a performance by the former at a grand party in his neighborhood, Osu. Adventurous as he was, they stroked acquaintance and chatted the night away. They felt so secured in each other’s company that they longed for more. One thing led to another and another that a day never passed by without them seeing each other.

Amanda is a self made business girl who resided in one of the plush residences in the capital city and very much abreast with time. She loved him so much that all she was bent on doing was to make him stay with her and to make sure his dreams come true. She had connections both in the print and in the electronic media.

They both liked each other but had different interests. Amanda actually wanted him around her all the time when all he wanted was a record deal. After what seemed like ages for Yayra, she got her a record deal with the number one record label in the country and that was where all the troubles started.

It is true that money never changes people; it only unmasks their real self. Soon Yayra was making the hits and his name became a household one. His songs escalated all over the place and were a great crowd puller. Granting interviews, press conferences and signing autographs. He could not believe his eyes but he was not shocked either because it is what he had looked forward to, all his life and more. These activities in his life became a bridge between him and Amanda instead. He hardly had time for her and whenever he had, it ended in a brawl.

He actually wanted Amanda off his back. To him he was not being ungrateful. He just thought that, one good turn deserves another and as such it was his hard work that was paying off. He always found an excuse to be away from home especially with his tours and rehearsal sessions. Sometimes he went as far as Europe for about two months and never called her and in instances where she called, she never got a reply. The only thought that crosses his mind on Amanda was how to get rid of her and he was burnt on doing that. One day while recording a jingle for a multimedia company, he received a message on his blackberry PDA.

He quickly read through the message and did not like what he saw. He exclaimed ‘what’? Amanda was pregnant for him.

THE STAR (II)

He walked towards the car park of the plush recording studio where his car was parked. He opened the car’s door and managed to sit in. The last thing he ever wanted to happen was Amanda taking seed. He has always conceptualized an ideal woman in his mind’s eye, which he was looking for to settle with. A woman he will chase and not one who will do the chasing. This and other reasons were so plausible for him because he was not ready to take up someone’s responsibility.

Even though, things were not moving speedily for him, he did not want to wake up everyday telling himself and everybody around especially people who depended on him that everything was alright, when life was slipping away every second of the time.

All he ever wanted was to be loved, not for who somebody think he was, or wanted him to be; exactly what Amanda was looking for, because she’s always believed He’s only human.

She loved him so much that Yayra seem to be in no hurry. He only turned to her when things got tough and nastier, and like the sky; she was always there to bring him on his feet, only for him to abandon her again.


While he was lost in his thoughts, trying to come to terms with how he got himself into this and how he could get rid of the pregnancy, his phone rang. He suddenly jumped at it because the ring tone indicated it was Amanda calling. His confusion suddenly turned into anger. He picked up the call without saying a word. When he found his voice, he only managed to say ‘aha’ Interrogatively. ‘I am pregnant for you and am traveling outside the country. I’ll be back when I deliver our baby, bye’. This she said mockingly and hanged up before he could even say jack. He tried to call back and the phone was off.


Instantly, he brought the engine of his car alive and raced out of the parking lot. He drove urgently to Amanda’s residence only to find no one there. The anger was now turning into rage. He went to her mum’s place which was located across town and could not find her there. This time around, he’s lost it. He rushed to the airport just in time to see her go through the departure lounge to go through traveling formalities. All efforts to have a word with her proved futile because the security guards will not allow him.

Apparently, Amanda had planned traveling outside the country as soon as she discovered, she had taken seed. The pregnancy brought her so much joy because it was the only way, she could become the long awaited mum and also lay claim on his dream man who also happens to be the man of the ladies. She knows, Yayra loved her deep down in his heart but was been messed up by silly tendencies.


She saw vulnerability in him all the time and thought his hostile attitude was just a defense mechanism. He was not willing to compromise his independence and freedom to exploit and pursue his exuberant life style. For her, it was a dream come true. Yayra was every girl’s dream. He was purposeful and businesslike when it comes to life and living it. Coupled with his kind nature, he was also keen, smart, rich, handsome, loving and most of all lovable except for his rude attitude. She thought staying in Ghana will not let her dream of being a mum materialize because she perceived that Yayra will compel or even coerce her to abort the pregnancy to which she would have succumbed anyway.


It’s often said that men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love and this is exactly what Amanda had going on. She’s never being worried about his nagging and unnecessary demands, not to talk about the humiliations she suffered from him. She was rather worried about the unknown. She had always known that when you have someone for a long time and that ‘have’ becomes cemented in routine, as well as thrill, the very presence of the person fills too much space to be ignored and now she was pretty sure Yayra will never forget her anytime soon, which to her serves him right.


He frantically withdrew from the crowd feeling lonely and dogged that he almost looked like something drawn from the tomb, so dried and drawn. He went through to the car park and hurriedly drove off leaving behind a sublime of dust that won’t settle for a long time. He had no bearing in mind let alone a destination. So deep in thought, he could not understand the fact that he has been arm twisted by Amanda. How could she take the whole world along with her, his world?


Before he knew it, he was driving at 100kmph when he was supposed to be doing 50kmph and almost at a traffic intersection. It was too late for him to do anything about the situation so he rammed into other cars and still at top speed, he lost control of himself, climbed the raised pavement and drove into a tree and passed out.


When he finally came back to consciousness, he could tell he was at the hospital by the smell of the strong disinfectant and other chemicals. He tried to move and realized his legs were cast in a plaster of Paris and could not raise them. He tried to raise his head and felt intense pain from his backbone and thought he was in great trouble. That was when everything dawned on him. Thoughts of the past incidents brought tears to his eyes and he began to sob.

He was finally discharged from the hospital amputated in one of the legs with nobody to look after him. His world was ended now and all he wanted was to contact Amanda and beg her to forgive him and to make sure she delivered that unborn baby safely because it looked like it was the only thing he was about to have. Being a star, he made the news for a while, his money gone and going, career gone, nobody to fend for him and no friends to be with. He was now living on crumbs.

After about a year, Amanda came back to town with the new born bouncing baby boy and never went to visit Yayra because she considered him heartless and insensitive. She was ready to look after their child but would not have anything to do with him. This turn of events broke his heart and rendered him sick because Amanda was his last and only hope. Yayra the super star lost everything finally and resigned to his fate with no one to blame. All he resolved to do was to be there till death comes knocking on his door to which he will gladly open.

Query:

Would you have accepted Yayra back into your life, if you were Amanda?


Was it selfish of Yayra to want Amanda and the child in his life now that all was said and done?


Was Amanda wicked to have neglected Yayra in his time of distress. suffice it to say Women like it already made huh


Is today necessarily a determinant of tomorrow?

BEAUTY PAGEANTS.....DO WE REALLY NEED THEM?

A beauty pageant is a public competition for young women in which their appearances and sometimes other qualities which incorporate personality, talent and answers are compared and judged.

It is assumable that beauty pageants will never wane in popularity as more than two billion people watch them on television and the internet every year. The various titles, faces and stakeholders may change but the pageant has and will always be here.

Since beauty standards differentiate by latitude and longitude, there is no definite way of crowning the most classic of all contestants. A selected number of individuals are chosen to properly identify the ultimate beauty queen by the maximum vote. Even this is insufficient as votes can be bought and paid for one way or the other and so obviously, the method used is voting and a rating scale by the judges.

The voting method has been adopted because of the judgmental nature of our society. Even governments and legal systems and most other civil mechanisms are controlled by

Voting since it is one easy way to find out what the general consensus is. Actually it has become the preferred way of determining the winner.

Most of us will normally vote based on personal opinion examples of which are voting for a candidate because she hails from our sub region, complexion, bears a nice name and what have you until we encounter some type of directive. Guidelines like "we are looking for a fit model with an attractive and healthy body type that is appealing to western marketing standards for beauty as defined by x model magazine, x television show or x advertiser", etc constitute directives.

Contestants gain many personal, community and social rewards that make pageants worthwhile. It is argued that the show gives the participants self confidence and help them learn public speaking and also to do drama in school without fear. It is also argued that they let the lady in you shine which can lead you into bigger and better pageants.

Also, they make you aware of how to properly walk and carry your body in the correct manner there is. Competitions of this nature are good for the morale because they are a good form of expression and it’s a fun way of meeting new people. It also builds confidence in young women.

Although some competitions have components that are not based purely on physical appearance, unattractive contestants are unlikely to win, no matter how talented, poised, intelligent, educated, resourceful or socially conscious they are. It is the glamour models or contestants that enjoy success because they have very beautiful faces, swell lips and shiny hair as well as beautiful and smooth bodies, usually the curvy but not the fat type.

Notwithstanding the above points however, the pageant show is doing more harm than good and has raised a lot of criticisms over the years calling for its ban by the powers that be through well analyzed and critical policies. Below are some of the points that I have enumerated to support the view of the critics.

Firstly, rather than providing women with opportunities, it can be argued that beauty contests hurt the prospects of women who do not fit the current cultural ideal of beauty, because these contests promote the idea that those who fit this ideal are “better” than those who do not.

Secondly, some pageants require a swimsuit for a portion of the competition, which emphasizes the physical bodies of women, some claim in undressed state and this is encouraging sexualization of young girls. And so it is being argued, however, that women who do not excel in other fields may at least have a chance to win a beauty contest.

Thirdly young girls who sit at home and watch the pageants believe that they are not pretty enough, skinny enough or whatever to be in the pageant. It is also bad for other peoples self esteem. Young girls at home begin to think they have to be sexy to get far in life which is totally wrong. Are the organizers suggesting that intelligence or real skills are not important in life?

To conclude with, such contests reinforce the idea which is usually wrong though that women should be valued primarily for their physical appearance, and that this puts tremendous pressure on women to be beautiful by spending time and money on fashion, cosmetics, hair styling and even cosmetic surgery. This pursuit of physical beauty even encourages some women to diet to the point of harming themselves because most go in the contest only focused on self-image and nothing else and this trend can be misleading to young girls who are our future mothers.

Interestingly, these contests are sponsored by corporate giants who invest hugely into them as part of their corporate social responsibility. If these corporate giants who are bent on injecting back into the society from which they took , then the base of their gesture should be so broad to help a lot of people by building classrooms, recreational parks in communities, instituting scholarship schemes and pursuing other developmental agendas. Not only to wake up one day to hear that another ridiculous girl who probably never got the chance to realize that there was something else on top of her shoulders besides a pretty face has been given a brand new car, a mansion and all the goodies that comes with it when school children are still lying prostrate on their bellies to study, when communities don’t even have clean water to drink.

To conclude, I am reiterating that beauty contests causes people to feel that they have to look a certain way and be a certain way to be considered beautiful. These contests are a complete distortion of beauty.

I do not care how pretty a person is, if they have no personality, self respect to project, if they have nothing to stand for apart from their pretty face. Simple as that…..ha!!!

MY FACEBOOK!

I like Facebook so much and like to think of myself as an addict as we like to say. I can hardly stay away from it that I sometimes fear what it is making out of me. I like it only because it is made up of interesting characters from all walks of life, characters that are alive as the energy they posses. These and other things add up to make the place interesting at all times no matter what your perspective may be.

I have seen and learnt so many things around the place just this few years of its existence than a quarter of my very own existence. I’ve made very good friends that are as real as the life we live and a few dubious and questionable characters.

All it takes to make friends is to send a friend request to the one you wish to become friends with and wait for them to accept or ignore you for a while or even for good. The only good thing about such a situation is your paths wont ever cross and u won’t be bothered except you guys share a mutual friend.

Being one of the most graphical and interactive social networking sites, it has connected long lost friends, families, school mates, offered people jobs, made marriages easier for a few patrons. It has also aided in laying people off their jobs, caused various degrees of accidents, broken homes, promoted promiscuity and many others that you can easily relate to.

Just like life, it offers everybody equal resources and usage rights. What you therefore make out of it depends on the account holder. That privilege of having a ‘residence’ in the virtual community makes everybody write and say what’s on their mind. It’s even interesting when they overtly or covertly demand some decorum on their page or wall. I like to think that, it would have been same in the real world if we all had equal privileges and resources at our disposal.

Friends we have here come in different forms ranging from the inner circle friends, fans, acquaintances, mentors, potential friends and the almighty and pervasive family members. Inner circle friends may be friends we made right here but could easily relate to on the same wavelength. These could be thoughts, interests, philosophies, ambitions, tendencies and lifestyle. They can also be friends we might have already known in the real world who are usually our church members, neighbors, school mates and colleagues at work.

Fans are the kind of friends who added others because they admire (d) or liked them. They are friends we add without checking out their profile. All we become interested in is their gallery; no wonder most of us ignore profiles without a picture. We quickly look at their pictures by which time we had already sent them a friend request. Sometimes, all we need to add such friends is their superficial attributes, be it beauty, handsomeness, sexiness and hotness. Other attributes that can make you fall under this category is when you add people because you think they are fashionable.

Acquaintances are the dormant friends who make our list. Some were once active or were your inner circle friends but for one or more reasons, does not come around anymore. Some come around occasionally, e.g.  On national holidays and special occasions such as Easter, Christmas and on your birthdays.

Mentors may be categorized as the friends we look up to, respects mutually and reasons with. These people are usually made up of our pastors, uncles, aunts, parents, employers, friends who have earned our respect because of who they are and what they stand for.

Family members can fall under any of the categories, depending on how you guys get along in the real world, just that I keep wondering why I have to send a friend request to an uncle or an aunt when all it takes is a button for a niece, nephew, father, mother or any other relative you can think of.

Status updates is one of, if not the most interesting activities you can indulge in on Facebook, without which renders your place/wall like a ghost town. Statuses ranges from facts, thoughts, events,  announcements, jokes and life stories which usually turns out to be false in most cases. Commenting on these statuses is also guided by reasons which are best known to the commentators.

Some comments on your status whether they can relate to it or not. Some do because they have an idea about what you’ve updated. There are others who comment on your status because they have nothing to do. This happens when they are done commenting on the statuses of their inner circle friends and still wanting to interact. These category of people are not regular commentators on your page.

There are other users who see Facebook as an external entity which is so independent of them. They are the kind of people who say, they cannot date a person they met here, regardless of what the person stands for or represent. They also say, they don’t blog anything personal forgetting that their pictures and statuses speak loads about them. Another group of these people are those who say they only come here to take away boredom and release stress when Facebook itself is the definition of stress.

Personally, I think these groups of people are jokers ‘cos I wonder how they do this without being personal.  Since there are so many ways to project ourselves, everything we do here reveals a bit of who we are so they might as well feel free. The use of ‘I’, ‘we’, they’ and other pronouns  clarifies your notion about what u are saying, so u see why I think there is a bit of personal stuff in there?

In the beginning, most people logged on with their real names and later on add their middle(local) names which made it quite different from other social blogs like MySpace and Hi5 but all u see now is host of names u cant even pronounce. People trying their possible best to stay anonymous, why?  I can’t tell.

It is even funny how people connect  lately. Some People don’t ask of your mobile number anymore when they meet you in town. All they ask you is ‘are you on Facebook? ‘ and those who presume you should be there go like ‘ what name do u use on Facebook? And I think it’s funny because I had to ask someone what Facebook was and the look she gave me was enough to make me say, yes I am on Facebook.

Facebook is everything you can think of, so as u make friends and update your statuses, just be careful because you don’t know who is watching and reading. Love you all my Facebook pals.

LETTER TO MY LOVE (II)

Dear Sweetness,
I am good and hope you doing same?  A lot of things came up that needed my urgent attention, hence my inability to reach out to you in time. I know it’s been so long but I hope you’ll find that soft and delicate part of you to forgive me.


I must admit that writing to you is one of the very few activities that whips up my enthusiasm, makes me come alive, because you are one of the very few people who understands me and my needs. Do you even understand me, ‘cos if you do, why is that you are not able to make it up to me? Why is that you are not able to fathom my expectations and desires? I may probably be asking for too much but all I want is you being there at the right time.

You know I am prone to the ‘woe is me’ factor and will almost invariably keep coming. Yes, love is pain they say and I only keep coming because of the hurts and the nightmares you give me continually, sounds weird huh?  It is even interesting when I look into your eyes and see 'scare' written all over them. You are even scared than I do and that’s funny right? You are even more vulnerable than I am and this realization makes me invincible to myself.

You are scared because you can’t trust yourself to be any better, you don’t know how long you can keep up the charade and it breaks my heart to know that you will also walk away someday, and how I wish that day never comes so soon. I just can’t help thinking about it ‘cos that’s the reality we both are afraid to confront.

Are you afraid because of the lie you have lived all this while and can’t keep up the cosmetics any longer? Maybe this altered way of life is coming in the way of the real you and you might want to quit it sometime soon? The feeling is debilitating because I don’t see it coming and even interesting because you don’t see it coming either but it’s all because your mind is not made up. You are indecisive as to what role to play when difficult times arise.

Even though we all are looking at this relationship unrealistically because of the unrealistic ideas from the media, society, friends and family on what a relationship should look like and how we should behave, yours has cast a pattern in your behavior and it’s affecting us. All you have to do is to ignore all of this idealistic way of what a relationship should be and be realistic because your ideas are as dysfunctional as those rooted in your childhood traumas.

You know we’ve not really been making good use of our time as an item all because we spend half of the time misunderstanding and quarreling among ourselves and spend the other half nursing our wounds even though we have so much in common. All I want from you is to do some soul searching most of the time for our sakes.

I have to run like always but I really need you to cut me some slack and stop comparing me with the superman you see on the cover of your favorite magazines and also try to just for once try to lose because it is the only way u can win.
Your Love

Fo Fovi

LETTER TO MY LOVE (1)

Hi babe,
Every night in my dreams, you live in my world and make it whole. At times we are alone; sometimes we are lost in a sea of crowd with so many strange faces and happenings. This almost making it unsafe for us but I know we are going to make it, but only if you hold my hands.

I look at you and you give me a reason to hold on stronger and even longer. Sometimes, I wonder how you are able to make it happen with ease and flair. Maybe you put in a lot of effort, but on the surface it just comes plain easy. It could be your talent for all you care to know but probably are overlooking because it’s too obvious and not productive.

My heart warms up anytime you smile at me and I always savor those moments. Am sure most girls can do this and more but until then, you are the only one. They say life can be bliss if you make the right choices and I keep thanking heavens for helping me out on this one.

I keep getting convinced that we will always be together, but I also see myself living in a fantasy world anytime I wake up to a silent night. The idea of you and I fascinates me to the core, it makes me feel young at heart; but that is where the problem comes from.

All around me, I keep being admonished to love with my head when it is the heart that feels. I accept the head is knowledgeable because it sees and thinks, but isn’t it only a means in itself? It is the heart that believes and feels by using the information from the head. My heart tells me that you will be the perfect stake but my head tells me to look elsewhere or even be adamant about love since I don’t really understand what it’s really is and as people keep saying it’s a state of the mind.

My problem is if it’s a state of the mind, then it’s not real, it’s a make-believe world and I really want to relocate from that part of the state. I want to lose my citizenship and banned from ever visiting that state, and my pictures pasted all over the place with a BIG red WANTED caption.

In my heart, you are that old wine that keeps growing stronger and sweeter by the day. You are such a real fine baby and I don’t want to ever let you go because am hooked like a junkie to his cocaine. I promise to always treat you with loyalty because you exude an air of royalty. You have all of my attention because I want to be your Captain Koch. To me, you are every woman and that feels good.

In reality, I am always looking for something new by reminding myself that I am not in love when it is the very thing I’ve been looking for all over the place. I keep asking myself if you are going to be loving me my way and endlessly without conditions that are not subject to change?

Baby, you know how much I love you. You also know how badly I want to lead u down the aisle as my wife and baby’s mama, but the only question I seek to ask which eventually has become the essence of the letter is should I choose between my head that knows it all without emotions or my heart that feels and believe?

I might as well end here since I can tell u more and more about how confused I am about this heart and head dichotomy. I just hope this letter finds you at the right time and space. Do well to let me read a reply from you first thing in the morning.

I remain yours Fo Fovi.

A Bird's Reluctance!

“This is strictly a business dinner and I mean it!’’ he blurted out.

 “Sure, sure.”

“I mean it so don’t get any lustful ideas in your sexually liberated brain.’’

“Looks like you are the one with ideas because I haven’t said anything.”

‘’No, it’s because I know what you are thinking’’

‘’And how do you know what am thinking, Mr. Psychic? Why do you assume you are so irresistible and that I am planning a big seduction on you?’’

“Just keep your hands to yourself. I am a wonderfully, happily married man with a gorgeous wife who’d kill if she thought I was fooling around.”

Jane was amused by that last statement and managed to chuckle.  She wondered how he was going to be like if he were not wonderfully and happily married.

“Oh, I see. Is that why you come to the office every morning with face frowned like a brownie? You don’t look it at all. Ok, let’s pretend to be friends, just two friends having dinner,” she finally said.

“You just don’t get it. I am a married man and can’t have female friends, let alone have dinner with one. It just doesn’t work where I come from.”

“Why not?” she asked, surprised.

“Because that is the way it is. If my wife met a male friend for lunch or dinner, I’d tear his head off and file for a divorce.”

“Absolute nonsense!”

“You can say anything you want to say, why would I want female friends anyway?” This he said and stormed out of the restaurant with no destination in mind. He knew he was confused.

Peter Mann knew his world was caught up. He could not understand what was happening to him anymore and knew he was on the verge of an abyss and ready to plunge deep into it. Until two years ago, he was a happily married man with his own share of problems. He worked hard to provide more than his family of three could ask for. He even said that his only goal in life was to provide for his family.

He could not understand why of all men parading around, he should be the one to suffer this fate. Life was too cruel, he thought. Pete, as he was affectionately called, got married soon after obtaining his first degree. He always believed that if something was worth doing, then it was worth doing in the morning. Life was young and bliss. He was having a feel of how it felt to get home to a lovely wife who was always there, and waiting. Aside work, they went everywhere together and had mutual friends. The only ones that differed who were not known to his wife were his clients, mostly.

As he got drowned in his own thoughts down memory lane, he got shoved by Jane who had followed him out. His line of thought was broken and he apologized for his outburst and instantly held Jane tenderly on the arm and led her back inside the restaurant, to her amazement. He pulled a chair as soon as they got to their reserved table for her to sit down before taking his. Food was quickly ordered as they both needed it and also were running late on their schedule.

“What kind of woman do you want?” she quizzed.

The question hit him so hard that he had to stare at her face. He thought the question was straight forward. He was just unprepared for such a question because he’s never really had an answer to that profound question. It was just too personal and he figured Jane was prying too deep into the innermost part of his being. He was taken aback and it dawned on him that he did not know what he wanted. What a shocking truth?

He was a lawyer by profession, had litigated all the high profile cases in their firm and was held in high esteem by the senior partners because of his astuteness, sense of purpose and sense of duty. He was caring, gentle, and intelligent but has no sense of humour.  He was anti-social and only really mingled if he felt the need to. He was not into women and so got married to the first woman who crossed his path and also because he didn’t like the way his friends changed women like diapers. He knew Dzina was different but he loved her all the same without reservations. He loved her because life with her was adventurous. He was being introduced into the world of fun. That was when he realized that beginning of life was relative, it never started at forty like everybody says; yes, because he is in his late twenties and life had already started.

Dzina stepped onto the scene and swept Pete off his feet with her charm. She was very beautiful and sleek, so fashionable you might want to think she was a model upon sight. She was fun loving and adventurous. She came from an average family of scanty economic means and vowed she was going to climb to the top by all means necessary. She knew she would be stepping on a few toes but she cared less. She first had sex at the age of 12 with a 20-year old man she claimed she loved and had her first commercial sex at the age of 14 and never looked back. Through university, she was subtle in her endeavours but surely got away with everything she wanted. She wanted all the finest things in life, she wanted all the rubies, the diamonds, the pearls and all the expensive toys one could ever think of, unknowing to Pete.

Peter was a workaholic and paid little attention to Dzina. They shared quality time if they had time and hardly quarrelled even though they were odd for each other. They both accepted each other with the warts and all and never bothered about the excesses.

But something happened one afternoon that woke him from his slumber. He came home without the usual ritual of announcing his homecoming before he stepped out of the office. He took ill and decided to just go home after lunch. He got home to meet the wife in a compromising situation with a stranger. She was having sex with a man he has not seen before and realized he was not coming from any part of their town or community.

Before he could say ‘jack’, he passed out and couldn’t confront the man as he wanted to do and was rushed to the hospital. He finally came around on the third day in the hospital with some family members at his bedside. The ‘only’ witness was Dzina who also happened to be the ‘defendant’ so everybody believed what she said. “There was nobody besides her in the house’, she said and that cemented the alibi. Nobody knew Dzina in that realm and never believed Pete’s story. He was only admonished to see a psychologist and, most of all, to relax because he worked under stressful conditions.

This shocked him so much that it changed his world, his thoughts and aspirations. He could not believe he had no case and worse of all was supposed to act ‘normally’ to his kinsmen. He could not find even one person who believe his side of the story and he knew that he has to think through things once again. It dawned on him that there were so many innocent people languishing in jails all over the world as a result of having no one to believe their story. Their lifestyles made them guilty even before the jury was even selected.

Damn! Yes, because he was being accused of insanity as a result of the life he led, laughable but serious. He became a changed man from thence. He had so many questions running through his mind but his wife was not ready to talk about them, because to her, nothing happened. Her warm receptive nature changed into tight-lipped arrogance.

Everything changed. They talked only because it served functional purposes and there was nothing like the love they shared anymore because Dzina could not live the goody-goody life she was living and Pete was not ready to come to terms with what he saw that fateful afternoon. Dzina now went out with all sorts of men as long as it had monetary reward.

He also wanted divorce but for who? All of them were bound to be the same because in his world, she was the finest of all of them. She was an angel as far as women were concerned, he had thought. He was now afraid and confused.

This affected his attitude dramatically and his work output declined, because it conflicted with his goal of providing for his family. He later took to drinking till he drank like a sailor every night. His world was slipping away by the day and he was ready to be engulfed by whatever it was.

Nothing worked anymore but he always was reminded by the solemn vows they took in front of God and every member of the community to protect and sustain his marriage through thick and thin, for better and for worse.  He knew he wasn’t ready to pay any alimony to a promiscuous ex-wife who would not admit her infidelity, and he had no intentions of paying child support all his life.

He wanted to go home. Home, where he was raised, home, where Mama was, although he knew he would never live there again. There was too much poverty and ignorance. And it was intolerable the way everybody in the community was ignorant and poor, the dilapidated houses, the high infant mortality rate, the hopelessly unemployed, the unwed mothers and the unfed babies. This was what became so intolerable to the extent that he fled from the area like thousands of others and migrated in search of greener pastures, just to ease the pain of poverty.

 He knew he had endured this too far and there was Jane, her personal secretary at the office who won’t let him be. Jane who flirted with him at every instance because she considered him a fine gentleman who had a promising future and a potential lover.  She was ready to do anything to get his attention and was still at it.

 “I, I want a woman like me,” he managed to say.

 ”Like you?”

 ”Yes, like me.”

 “A woman who has same interests, a woman who sees the world through my lenses, someone who will be there for me.”

“And you haven’t found any yet?” she asked.

He thought Jane was the right person for him now, they both had same interests, advocated for people who had nobody to help them out, were always together and liked so many things except their orientation on sex, to which he was ready to indulge in now. He then realized he had loved her from afar all the while, where he always got to play safe but never really enjoyed the show. So many things made sense to him as he also resolved not to judge the motive of people for doing what they do because they might have a reason for doing them. He also realized that the love that one sought across the breadth and length of the world was usually just around, all the time.

 “You,” he answered, this time convincingly soon after the repeated question jostled him back to life, to the shock of all of them.

“You are the one I love, I’ll be filing a divorce tomorrow,” he said with a wry smile.

“Thanks for making up your mind about me,” she said with all the charm she has ever mustered in life and she became more beautiful than he had ever seen.

They ate quickly, settled their bills, held hands and sauntered out of the place into his car. Inside their car, they realized they were the only people left at the premise as the parking lot was deserted.

The neon lights that displayed “ORION’, the name of the restaurant, went off when he powered on the engine and took off slowly into the night.

                                                                      

FOOTBALL MADE IN GHANA!!!

And it’s a goooooooooaaaaal! You hear a thunderous roar and every Ghanaian goes gay. Loud music blaring all over the place, men and women from all walks of life dancing to Gborhe amidst merry making. Pubs and bars extending their closing time to as long as people will patronize the shops. All Political parties shedding off their party colors to clad in the national colors of red, gold, green and the black star. Drivers honk their horns and overload every space in their vehicles with people to which the police does not even raise any query, let alone demand their usual one Ghana cedis, and that is the extent to which the Ghanaian loves football.

We all will admit that football is the most unifying factor in Ghana even than the pervasive almighty religion. Currently Ghana tops the African football chart and ranks 16th in the entire world which is remarkable. However, there is a trend if not curtailed now and collectively as a nation will come to haunt all of us and  posterity will not forgive us.

I am mostly proud to say am a Ghanaian, not out of patriotism but because I have no option. There are times I wished I came from the UK’s and the likes, Countries with vision, direction, destination and above all a dream. I have observed per the information I gather around in my everyday walks of life that most of our policies are mostly are on adhoc basis and usually lack a long term plan and a ‘how-to’ to eradicate our problems, however there is a strong sense of individuality. Nobody seems to be thinking about the collective good of all. Those who tend to think along that line are rather castigated, insulted and possibly quarantined.

Ghana is a democratic state so most of the planning and implementations are supposed to come from the central government right down to the decentralized authorities who have been mandated by the people through the ballot boxes to ensure our safety, growth and above all our well-being.

However, all the government and his cohorts does is to find ways and means to perpetually be at post,  at the expense of  their core duties. They spend all their time building fortresses, amassing wealth, organizing thugs who would ensure their stay in power to the extent that, they hardly execute any meaningful project that will help the communities in which they live and Ghana as a whole. Instead, all they do is big talks, organizing tea parties, attending unnecessary meetings and when it is done and over, they come demanding their ex-Gratia.

Hitherto, I have always thought that ex-Gratia is a gratuity scheme that is awarded to civil and public servants after their end of service, but now a person can take his ex-Gratia and still be at post as if s/he is the only one who can do the job. Maybe, i need some lectures on that. Old folks who have seen it all are still in the offices, with their rigid and sophisticated ways of doing things while young and fresh graduates languish around because they don’t have experience. I wonder how one can gather experience when s/he has not been given any platform to prove his worth.

We always have a crop of team playing but don’t know where and who their successors will be. This is because we lack insight, foresight and vision. Maybe we don’t even have a goal. You visit most communities and there are no Libraries nor football/recreational parks. All you see are the Gas filling stations, mini malls, stalls, night clubs and a market because the government of the day wants to be retained in power. Everybody is buying and selling. All the lands have been sold to their cronies and investors.

If you live in a community devoid of all these amenities, what do you expect to see? Their homes are not usually conducive for studies because other members of the house want to watch T.V. No one indulges in any kind of sports because there are no resources.  You can at least be assured of wee-smoking, abuse of other substances, drinking sprees and other unproductive ventures because all they need to undertake these activities is a small hide-out which is always readily available.

Because they grew up in communities that prides in buying and selling or making money through any means necessary, they are bound to stop schooling which is a very arduous way of making money. They rather resort to arm-robbery, money rituals, sakawa and pick-pocketing just to fit in, and the same generation that brought them up turn around and start alienating and labeling them, and the next thing, the government sends his men on a raiding exercise which usually ends up in a shoot-out which possibly leaves behind much casualties.

I think the leadership of our nation; right down to our communities should come together and come out with pragmatic policies that will help us as a nation. Every community can at least spare some acres of land for a park and even hire a coach for the community who would always be available to train the youth. It is feasible because the government even pays body-guards, telephone bills, buys fuel and other freebies for its people which are not really in the collective interest of all.
 
In the past, we used to scout players across the nation but now all we do is go chasing any player in the Diaspora who has a relation in Ghana. Once you are related paternally or maternally to a Ghanaian, you will be coerced to don the Ghanaian jersey when there are equally good players on our soils whose parents hail from Ghana without doubt. We have failed to nurture the young ones to take up the mantle from the senior players. So many talents have gone down the drain in all facets of human endeavor. And what usually happens is that, the wasted talents channels their pent up anger into unproductive ventures and all we hear is ‘he was such a fine lad’, ‘he was intelligent’. And what happened to the talent?

We’ve had talents rising to stardom, people whose names become household ones and then fades away without making any impact. Stars like Charles Taylor, Dan Coleman, Eric Gawu and the Don Borteys. The last time I checked, Charles Taylor was playing Enugu FC in Nigeria. Where do they go? What happens to them when they leave the scene?

We need the football enthusiasts, the shakers and movers and pundits of the beautiful game to do more than analyzing and criticizing what is happening on the field of play and also tell us the way forward. They have to amplify our concerns to the government because it has woefully failed when it comes to youth and sports. I wonder what that Ministry has really been up to?  You don’t see Gala matches being organized in our communities by the ministry, no effort to nurture young talents. So what do u really expect if a player braces the storm to the top?  I can’t blame Michael Essien or KP Boateng anymore for their insolence even if they have enough reasons to behave the way they have.

There is no sense of national pride because it has not been inculcated into them. A typical budding player in Ghana goes through a lot to rise to the top just like any other person and all they need to be pushed is the potential of the player, his interest and character. Yet they train on their own till responsibility and old age sets in and the next thing they bow out of the game. How pathetic?

The players who have finally made it to the top should also be made aware that we are tired of wearing their replica jerseys they bring along when they come on vacation. With the kind of money they earn, the least they can do for their communities is to organize the youth and establish vibrant teams and also help the premiership grow and make it more competitive. They can also arrange for a few of their friends or top players to justify their inclusion in the second and first divisions abroad, instead of the boreholes they have been funding in their communities. They can do more than they are doing. The players also don’t have full time managers and it does not augur well for them.

Brazil is a force to reckon with when it comes to football and Ghana can do same to entrench its name on the soccer map. The country has to chart policies that are long term to churn out young players each season after season because it can also serve as a foreign exchange for the nation not to talk about their health and the opportunity cost.