Tuesday 22 October 2013

Sex, Custom and the Law

Life is hard on all fronts trying to create a peaceful co-existence between fellow humans and to make ends meet, but trying to find balance between our biological needs which is almost a necessity and what should be, according to some group of persons can be more complicating and stressful. 

I have a penchant to sleep with a lot of women everywhere and every time my biological and emotional needs have to be satisfied, so as to create that homeostasis my body needs to function well in this crazy world we continually strive hard to complicate every day, but boy, do I get to make manifest my wild imaginations and desires?  I just bottle them up and I know that pretty shortly, my senses will explode and leave me in many tiny fragments.

Needless to say but, just like each of you reading my thoughts right now, I desire and lust after women almost so well that, it feels like a second nature. The ease and flair with which the underlying pervasive trait comes to the fore is even exhibited well when I meet a lady who likes my style. 

In the not too distant past, one of the singular acts among others that made men manly was having two or more sexual partners designated as wives,  but fast forwarded to now, it is a taboo and in most cases, a violation of the criminal code to have more than one sexual partners and the progress we have made thus far only makes you want to ask for the memo that mandated the smooth transition and initiation of the emasculation process. 

It may be a conservative way to see it, but I believe nothing happens in a vacuum. Everything has antecedents and it would be a fatal mistake if we as a generation, would consciously break part of the chain, probably because it is perceived as the weakest in the link. History, as a summary of antecedents has informed us about times and generations past, which is how come we will also be stringed together in the chain of happenings when our descendants take over from us and if the aforementioned paragraph is justifiable enough, then please, help me list the names of all the great men like King David, King Solomon, Abraham, the Pope and your forefather who all have had more than one woman or sexual partners at one time or the other?

Basically sex is for procreation, so why does it necessarily come with all these warped emotional leanings? Have we complicated the sex idea? Sometimes you realize that it is not even an issue of the number of times we have sex or the unavailability of it as depicted in the situation where the married are almost always cheating on their spouses. This and a lot more factors begs the question”why is it difficult for the married to simply stay with their spouses” since there is that natural pass, according to social norms and other statute laws. We are also told that, married folks are supposed to drink from their wells till they run dry, so what has happened? Issues!

Granted that I was married to just one of the numerous women who could have freely allowed me to do a thing or two with them, I am still very sure that, there would be days where my beautiful wife would decline my call to commune for so many reasons, among which would be tiredness, emotional instability, the need to enjoy serenity, the need to be with one’s self or probably out of sync, coupled with my annoyance and same would have applied too, if I was just picking women at random based on attractiveness, the need to cling and to feel accepted. 

However, no matter high the probability for one out of ten women who could have wanted to have sex with me on days where my ‘wife’ becomes inaccessible, I still guess that, the deal to even have a one-night stand is non-negotiable and a no-go area in our society. it is even funny when She is not ready to have sex or probably sick and indisposed, or may have traveled or all the aforementioned factors may still be applying, but the mere mentioning of something weird, such as that alone is enough to spark the third world war so you probably have to do is to resort to masturbation or praying. E hard o!

How many days, months or years should the willing spouse wait should all these prevailing conditions linger on? I sometimes shudder at what can become of us should our thought processes develop in the direction it is headed to, but I still believe in humanity to find a balance therein.

I always feel myself reveling in a claustrophobic world where I can’t live my life. There is so much limitations and dictations against all odds and in a supposedly liberal world which allows men to have anal sex but other men can’t have one or more sexual partners and it kills me to continually conform to some one time emotionally imbalanced and transient thought of someone’s utopia. Why do I keep fighting between the need to gratify my sexual desires and the need to conform, which is continually conflicting anyway?

Can Science answer how many times a man should or can have sex? I am just being hopeful it does for me to be a lot more hopeful because I know it can also provide the answer to how many sexual partners we are mandated to have. 

How can I forget that a society without highly esteemed laws that are so valued is soon thrown into a state of anarchy, but did we actually pass a law which binds one man to one woman even long after their desire to cohabit, procreate or just mate for the sake of it has ended? Evidently, no one person can satisfy our wants by being everything we have ever wanted in a mate or spouse, so why can’t we allow ourselves to arrange it in such a way that, a man can go for one woman who is blessed with exceptional culinary skills, another one endowed with a great sense of fashion, and the other with great sense of humour and oratory power and another with very delicate and beautiful features like that of an Akuaba doll?

Wouldn’t this make up for what we want rather than the compulsion to stick to one clueless life partner even after the realization that our fore decisions requires a little altering? What happened to the age old wisdom of only fools sticking to their earlier illogical decisions? I know we are living in dangerous times; times when it is easier to say we are all angels than to say we are fools and ill-willed, but why these unnecessary theatrics? 

How long are we going to arraign the numerous men and women before our guilty selves for having consensual sex because some group of people decides to call it scandalous? Ridiculous! So many great men and women have been publicly shamed and chastised regardless of their good deeds and attributes simply for having sex they practically consented to. Such a hopeless situation where those with sin are the first ones to be casting stones at the accused.

How long are we going to look on for homes to be disintegrated just because one fallible man or woman could not maintain a one-time balance between societal ethics or values and their primal biological needs? We move heaven and earth to encourage the not-caught-yet spouse to break away from the sinful other and where do they go, to marry another person and live happily ever after, no?

How about imagining an utopian society where the need to marry one or more wives or keeping other women otherwise known as concubines would be an individual choice based on some conditions rather than a collective one? Alcohol consumption is legal for everyone above eighteen and lower than that threshold in modern and extreme cases but it is not everyone who consumes alcohol so how different would it be when it comes to marriage. It still would be dependent on some factors like handsomeness or beauty, attitude, the ability to take care of multiple partners among others. We claim differences with regards to orientation, bloodlines, and environmental influences and still compel ourselves to do things the same way. Are you not tired of living in a cloned society where diversity and the need to be one’s self is always preached but not adhered to or I am just an incorrigible deviant? 

Dear reader, I hope you are not just yet judging my asking all these rhetoric, when all you can do is to take off a little time of your busy schedule that does not allow you to ask these kind of questions let alone come by answers to help me find answers to my questions and I just may stop indoctrinating those who are probably nodding and siding with my expressed thoughts. 

Alright, enough of the cynicism. I am sure the need to marry and stick to the one-man-one-spouse project is to create a just world where one’s partner would be the most beautiful thing that has ever beheld their eyes and also become the panacea to their numerous relationship and sexual needs. These spouses would always be there for and with us where bonds of varying degrees would be formed which we also refer to as, over-dependence. They would be everything ranging from that hairy-chested man who dresses to kill and at the same time, the most God-fearing person you have ever known. They would also be that hard working guy who would also have time to spare walking you through the park and still have time to work out their six-pack and tone up like the Vitruvian man. 

The question however is, is the one-man-one-spouse program working? Do we have that trouble-free and just world full of lovers who understands the very purpose of their being together? Sex can pass for one of the many causes that have killed men the most yet it is always met with closed-lips, uncanny attitude and funny postures.

Personally, I don’t cheat when I’m in a relationship which is almost all the time because I try to always make it up to them by playing the role they offer me in their lives. What I do is to protect their feelings by dishing out the right cards while holding the ace close to my heart. Yes, I do not cheat in a relationship; rather, I find myself sinning against God. If my religious inclination is still something to go by, then it is God, who has asked us not to fornicate or commit adultery, which I should be answerable to when it comes to the sexual institution and its related escapades. He is the one I have been ignorantly outsmarting, not my woman and I hope you got that? 

Mandating people to vow to keep to a spouse before all men or swearing the oath of celibacy, while keeping (other) women at the blind side of society is just not cool and smacks of hypocrisy. Even though I stand to be corrected, I think people should not be compelled to tow such hard lines which leave them scathed and insane. In other words and against the backdrop of all that has happened in the name of sex, we have to erode all the regressive and stifling laws or make some exemptions to allow responsible and capable people to satisfy their elevated animal instincts.
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Tuesday 8 October 2013

Youthology 101



A typical day in the ghetto

 Karl Kani, FUBU, ECKO, School of Hardknocks

We don’t care if they are original or rip-offs

Baggy cocaine jeans, waist sized forty-eight

Wild graffiti tees, XXXL standards, sosket!

Timberland boots, Nike Shock X, Dada Supreme

Gangsta grills, bling blinging, shining as bright as the sun

LED infused belts, nicknames crawling across

Multi colored sunglasses, we call them stunnas

Big pockets, small wallets, no dough, big swag

Gangsta walks, sometimes we fly to the moon

Techy gadgets, ipods, Playstations, jukeboxes

MTV, BET, Channel O induced, we nod to every tune

Gangsta rap, Westside Connection, Southern Flair

Gangsta talk, we speak street English

Got loads of baby mamas, players’ playa

The club bangers, the nocturnal beings, pot smoking, ganja extremists

Porn, action flicks, gangsta movies, you name them.

Wild hairdos, corn roll, dreadlocks, old school afro

The 9mm, The Smith & Wesson’s, The P89s, the Uzis, The Pump actions, The AKs

Geared up, ready for action, smoke a sonofab**ch out

We’ve got the block covered; we got each other’s back

To you it’s the streets, to you it’s the projects, to you it’s the Ghetto

To us it’s our home, our lair, our territory

Born and raised on the streets, the streets speak to us.

You call us misfits, deviants, bastards and other unwholesome names

To us, we are the product of neglect, tough nuts to crack, vigilantes, street-sweepers, assassins and marauders.

We are like the bile attached to the kidney; you need to remove us with great care.

When you go on your knees at night to pray; say a prayer for us

When our lives are taken in broad day lights, dead ends, police swoops, gangsta rivalry and robbery

We will have our fulfilled rest in gangstas paradise.

Where we will be singing hymns and lighting up the chalice.

- Qouphy Appiah Obirikorang, 2011.

(Youthology 101, is the first guest post to be featured on MYNAH blog. The writer who doesn't write much lately, happens to be one of the writer's writer around. Just watch out for his upcoming write-ups)