An open letter to all Parents

Dear Parents, 

Today is my birthday and to actually commemorate and celebrate the day to its fullest, I have decided to engage you, a dear parent, to highlight on certain issues that are pertinent and relatable to nurturing a child and its dependent growth and progression in life. 

You may start asking yourself what my birthday has to do with the attention I want from you, but,

since I did not erupt from any big bang theory but from your nurturing and guidance till date, I deem it necessary to invite you to this table for reconciliation and to discuss the way forward. As a parent, I know your schedule hardly leaves you time to engage in frivolous ventures like this one, so, I will quickly enumerate my essence of communiqué.

Firstly, I want to believe that most children are conceived out of expectations, hence an array of relatively good plans are arraigned before the child by the parents to enable him or her to grow into a good member of the society and at large, but it is also worthy to note that, children usually have minds of their own and has plans to that effect. What they mostly require from you is guidance and not compulsion to be what you want them to be. 

Compulsion from Parents to their children during school or subject selections or even where their interests are directed only goes a long way to destroy or alter the child’s ego and self-esteem which definitely daunts on him all the days of his life unless otherwise. There is no gainsaying that thoughts of children are infantile and not guarded by experience but as a parent, what you have to do is to discover what his interests are skewed towards, so you can help him nurture it to probably excel in that chosen endeavor.

Chances are that s/he will resent you and all the authorities that sought to rein him and probably alter his purview of what the world should be if you compel him to do anything that will be daunting on him when s/he finally grows up and can make relevant choices for himself, because often times, they are ridiculed and called all sort of names like a moron, a loser and hopeless by their friends or sometimes teachers in ‘your’ chosen interest which can destroy another fine soul for life.

Dear Parent, I need you to note that education is a necessity for our existence as a people but schooling is not a mandate for us. Everyone can get educated in any chosen field be it formally or informally and that child who is not necessarily your child but an individual with a purpose on earth will be on his way to discovering something unprecedented at least within his society.

Every Child is special in his own way and some of them are not enthused about academic laurels and this does not necessarily mean that s/he is dumb. For all you know, his interests are in mechanics, the Sciences (just like we have illiterates manufacturing cars), music, the arts, cookery or just anything which is worth pursuing. And as evidenced in this context, s/he may have failed in class, but certainly not in life. All the child needs to grow in leaps and bounds is love and encouragement to unearth that hidden potential you have failed to see.

Thirdly, I would encourage you as a parent to equip yourself with some child psychology. Please get to know how children think and probably, that may smoothen some of the feuds and lessen your expectation from him. 

Fourthly, I would also like to admonish you to propose the idea of a child psychologist in your child’s school to help him when he gets lost in his world and that of others’. Child Psychologists are missing in most of the Government and Public Schools but prevalent in the private and the Montessori’s and it is time your child also gets to enjoy the services and interactions of someone who has in-depth knowledge about children and the processes they go through as they grow.

You have failed your child all these years because all you do at the Parent-teacher Association (P.T.A) meetings is to bargain and deliberate on their school fees and when next they are going to pay their fees. You don’t know the essence of a child psychologist yourself, hence your inability to even suggest it at the numerous P.T.A’s meetings you have attended. 

A child Psychologist like any member of staff is essential on the school’s pay roll and must be a full time venture because children are mostly at crossroads as to what to do and unfortunately, most of you parents are not friends to these kids but just a parent. You feed them, get them their essentials and tell them what to do until they cease to listen to you anymore and that is unfortunate. You can only relate to your child as a friend if you stop treating or seeing him as your child. Please, the only way you can respect him, ask for his opinions or even give him informed consent is, when you regard him as an individual rather than ‘your’ child. 

It will also be a step in the right direction if as parents, you come together to write to Ghana Education Service to introduce Child psychologists or institute counseling units in your children’s school because children from the environs even have psychological problems than those uppities who have access to these professionals 24/7 and that can start a revolution in our slums and ghettos because regardless of where one is coming from, s/he will be guided and guarded by professional care givers who knows what to do.

There are so many teachers out there who are at post because they have to work and earn or just at post because they have no other option. Some of them have broken dreams, no sense of worth or in near-divorces or even in abusive relationships and it will be unfortunate to leave your children in their care without cross-checking what goes into their schooling exercises.

Additionally, most of these teachers have no fore-knowledge about children’s problems or their

uniqueness thereof or forget to note that they are teaching troubled kids where they could approach them with tact. They just lump them together and regrettably compare the slow learners to that of the fast learners thus distorting their ego and self-esteem which is why they, like any other, needs a counseling unit in the school. It is essential to note that counseling is not for only the married or those who are about to marry. It is to help build their psyche and mental well-being to make their minds stable for receptive studies otherwise his sense of appreciation will be lost and that is a problem you may not be able to contain in the near future.

 

Importantly, I know you often don’t know where your child is at what time just because you and your child do not have any agreed schedule by which s/he should go by and probably because you run a busy schedule. Most parents are close to 100% knowledgeable about where their children could be located because they know, s/he will be watching a favorite program on TV at a certain time, see his or her extra classes teacher at another given time and when s/he is scheduled for bible classes and what have you and that is in the right direction. 

Dear Parent, Chances are that, if you mostly don’t know where your child is at what time, even in absentia, s/he is doing drugs, being abused by some friends who needn’t be around him/her or learning something you are not bound to approve. Please, engage you children and teach them the way they should go otherwise, be prepared to be resented when they grow. Negligence is the reason why most people don’t have cordial relationships with their parents because as people, we learn in retrospect and they get to know that you failed in your duty to actually do the right thing.

Finally, interact with your child and ask his opinions in almost everything with an open mind, even if it won’t be used as a working material and you will see what an outspoken champion or individual you are nurturing, just because you allow him to see the world through his eyes and not that of your lenses. Please, allow the child to carry his own cross and not that of yours, lest you crush his spirit and eventually shut the small enthusiasm he has left.

It is rightly so, because expectations, penchants, aspirations, desires and dreams varies from person to person, so implicitly imposing your expectations on the child (eg. To become a lawyer, Doctor, Pilot etc) because of the competition out there would not augur well for us and be reminded that the likes of Bill Clinton, Albert Einstein and many more were labeled social misfits not knowing they were actually thinking outside the box thus seeing what no one on their timeline could see. In other words, your child could be ahead of his time whose imagination must be allowed to soar, after all knowledge is knowledge whether it can be written or not.