Resting the dead in Peace

The age old adage that says, the closer you get to your destination, the faster your pace, was the situation I found myself in, as soon as the funeral house came in sight.  And, once again, I found myself agreeing with our forefathers for their in-depth wisdom. As far as their theories and philosophies were concerned, they have always being on point like a nipple on the surface of a breast. You can never miss them. 

Don’t even know how come I had to be late to the potentially charged meeting between the Asamoah, Agbesese, Dzomeku and Vogah families of Addokope, an almost remote town along the eastern border that separates Ghana from Togo in the middle belt, on the occasion of the death of one of their Son, Uncle, Dad, Cousin and nephew, depending on the relationship each of them shared with him.

The Late member of the Community happened to be the most educated in the family and also has twice held the office of the Assembly man and therefore an important member of the family. It was his tenure of office that the much talked about electrification project by his predecessors was initiated and completed, so he definitely was an important person of the family and the community at Large.

The on-going meeting would be the tenth in a series of meeting that has been held to plan the final funeral rites of the deceased but a plan is yet to be arrived at. The tenth meet in a span of three months and everyone was getting weary of how the elders of the families were handling the burial of their beloved, who was affectionately called “College-Man”

The cross-fire kind of meeting going on in the house of the deceased where all the family members had gathered, was what was making me walk hurriedly to the place because, it was evident I was missing out on the drama that has characterized the dead of College-Man, right from the moment his breath ceased.

“No, no, no, this will not happen as long as I am alive” Dumega Dzomeku yelled from where he sat near the small rear gate that gave passage into the main compound. The courtyard of the house was closer to the main gate of the four plot estate built by College-Man and it served a good place for their meeting.

“All you have done all your lifetime is to blow hot air. What will you do? Retorted another elder; Togbi Aforku who is noted for his adamancy. A carefree man who doesn’t condone oppression in any form and would fight for anyone who required his help and would do anything except judge people through his warped worldview.

“Shut that dirty mouth of yours, you don’t talk when I’m talking” Dumega Dzomeku shouted back.

“Impotent man, why did your wife leave you? The impudence!” snapped back by Togbi Aforku

“Would you people shut your dirty mouths” interrupted by the fom1 m1tsitsi; the head of the four families gathered thereof.

“As for me, I have said my mind. College-Man is my only brother and I insist he’s given a befitting burial so, no royal burial ground, no burial anywhere. He will be in the fridge” one female barked from behind the crowd. She was holding an unlabeled bottle of drink and was sipping all the while. It must be Akpeteshie. Nobody crosses her, for the fear of her foul mouth. She’s currently with her third husband and all she does for a living is to get drunk all day. Nobody has really taken the pain to find out why his husband is still married to her but what could keep them together till now, apart from fate? The community is at least happy, she has a dedicated man who will keep to her most nights.

“See who is talking; are you out of your mind? Keep quiet let me hear” another woman yelled at Dado, who happens to be College-man’s only maternal sister. Their mum happened to be the youngest and last of the four wives their Father, Kofitse, married. College-Man and Dado has other siblings totaling up to eleven and each one of them kept to themselves. Simply, their family was a complicated one. 

They stayed away from each other to ensure cohesion and harmony because five minutes of silence

or peace without an unnecessary bickering anywhere these people were gathered might just be the tenth wonder yet.

“What would people think of us, if we are not able to bury Man-College in the family burial grounds? We can’t dump him in the same place everyone gets buried. It’s an affront”

“These things are all unnecessary, it has always been six feet at last and dead people don’t care anyway, so why not allow us bury him like the common man he always was; wanting to be with the people.

“It was his personal choice to be with the people and it’s now for us to make the choices for him. Besides, he is not complaining. He will stay at the morgue for us to raise money for the burial grounds…..” 

Like seriously? Who will incur all these cost? Why should the living feud at the expense of the living? Don’t even know why the living are always making the dead their business when they have actually been admonished to let the dead bury their own dead. 

Clearly, this is a family driven by pride and arrogance to the extent that they cannot bury their long-gone brother after several months of his demise until the individual differences of the living is settled. The practice of keeping a family member on the Undertaker’s parlour, while the family wallows in some trivial long standing family issue has become commonplace that you are tempted to ask yourself, if it’s the trend in vogue?

Why can’t we lay aside some customs and traditions whose meaning has even lost on us? Are we still holding on to them out of habit or for the fear of some gods who can’t even help themselves? 

The dead deserves rest and must be accorded that respect. Anyhow you see it; they still have to be respected. For those who accomplished something while alive deserves some rest for their contribution and for those who did not accomplish anything also deserves some rest and respect for trying to. 

Is it the preserve for the African to still think shallow or refuse to think outside the box? Are we being hypocritical and refusing to march along with the world? 

Our funerals are usually a month long with the least being a week, so burdensome and expensive which gets everybody drained financially, spiritually, physically and emotional after all is said and done.

Is the Loss of the dead alone not enough to occupy us? Why do we incur so much cost when we can just stay within our means? The idea of organizing expensive funerals in honour of the person’s status while s/he was alive is neither here nor there and it is even pathetic and sad when some families have to actually go for a loan to do same.

It’s rightfully so, because, I insist that the person lived life to the fullest while they were alive. They made personal choices which supposedly were prudent ones at any given time, so all they want from us at that stage of their historic life is to be buried in peace and not in pieces. It is shameful to see families swearing at each other while the dead is still in the morgue.

It’s time we change our perception about the dead and accord them what they are due.

We can bury family members like the Muslims do and properly organize a befitting burial afterwards by which time the soul of the departed would have been laid to peaceful rest. The Muslims, do not wait for all their family members from Abroad to assemble or see the face of the dead before s/he is buried. It is a good practice and certainly, that is a tradition to keep, not the one that makes family members keep the dead in the morgue to boost their bloated egos.