An open letter to all Men

Dear son of man,

I am delighted to bother you, by interrupting your rigid and somewhat busy schedule that leaves you no space and time to do other things, however, I do pray you find time to read this missive.

Inspired by the need to share, I decided to seek your attention so we can deliberate on a few factors undermining our need to ascertain and to establish our essence in life as men and in the life of our spouses during your leisure time. You know I’ll wait till you are ready to delve into this epistle and all you have to do is to notify me by any of the numerous media we communicate through; be it the e-mail, Whatsapp, Viber, Facebook and I’ll be ready.

I don’t really know what is happening in your relationship but I am sure the topsy-turviness is as a result of you loosing grip and sight of the fact that you are a Cultivator. I hope you still remember the creation story when God in his infinite wisdom “took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it?” 

It will interest you to know that the Garden of Eden was not a physical place with horticultured shrubs and flowers hence the inability of the learned team of Archaeologists to locate and unearth it. The Garden of Eden was supposed to be a spot in the open, an open-door-like environment where God can directly watch over man. It’s simply the presence of God and it is this presence that will make all the difference if applied.

I know it will be harsh to yourself and your babe, but the first thing you need as a man is not a woman. First of all, what you need is the presence of God and once you are grounded in his presence, you will get a woman that is deserving, a woman who will be created partially from your rib until you churn her out to be the whole and fitting woman you want. 

Even though women go from the presence of God, to go seeking men on the street, what you have to do to get it right is to allow yourself to be put in the Garden of Eden because it is better when women find you in the presence of God. 

Additionally, God asked man to ‘cultivate the garden and keep it’, wow! And right there was man’s first employment. Even though he could have been asked to keep the garden, he was also asked to cultivate it, hence it is necessary for you as a man to first and foremost be employed or working, even before harboring the thoughts of a woman regardless of how randy and uncontrollable your libido can rise.

Things have changed but it still remains that it’s not easy to cater or be in any meaningful relationship when you are not responsibly working or employed. You create problem for yourself and that of your spouse because it affects your happiness, your growth and the relationship itself because it tenses many happy moments.

It’s often said that, you reap what you sow and that must be applied here too, because it’s also relevant when it comes to relationship issues. A man is supposed to cultivate his ‘half woman’ to blossom into a ‘full woman’ to suit him, notwithstanding the fact that she also has dreams and aspirations. The woman was given to you to take care of, which is why your omission of cultivating her will come to haunt you if you renegade on your duties and this is evident in couples who have married so many years and still not having a clue as to the way forward.

While the duty of the man is to cultivate the woman the way he likes, it’s also the duty of the woman to continually ask her man to cultivate her. 

I know you are getting confused on the cultivation bit but it’s simple. Groom her up your way. Rip off the clothes your spouse is wearing in a very polite manner if you don’t like it and please, try to buy her one before you go on the complaining or disapproval spree. When your spouse puts on weight, you don’t wake her up at dawn to go jogging while you are still in bed. You have to wake up, call her and lead the way. Don’t sit behind your TV and compare her to svelte ladies in beer commercials. 

If you think she’s not good at cooking, just enroll her formally or informally to equip herself with some culinary skills so she can find her way to your heart through the tummy. Please, desist from sitting on the couch and throwing insults at her when it’s time to hit the kitchen.

If she’s not good enough to accompany you to your social functions, upgrade her by paying for her tuition to learn the English Language or equip herself with the missing ingredient, which makes you desire chatting or being in the company of other significant ladies. It is quite difficult but a man should be able to churn his spouse to anything he desires unless the woman does not want to be cultivated. 

I also heard you beat your wife from time to time after shedding your cultivation responsibility. What is wrong with you? My friend, God did not give you, your burly body with bigger muscles to be flogging her at any least provocation. It is to enable you to protect her from all external aggressions, to cultivate her and to till the land, otherwise, how can you ‘keep it?’

Finally, I wanted us to talk about the fruit tree in the garden of Eden but for want of time, I’d only ask a question to be tackled when we finally meet to deliberate on my concerns in the letter; in that, God told man alone about the tree in the middle of the Garden of Eden, so how did woman become privy to that information, let alone tell man about how good and sweet the fruits were and what they could do? The serpent? Quite plausible but we shall be looking at it from a different angle. 

But one thing remains, and that is, women usually have information, yet, still asks their men for information on which way to go, so the next time your spouse or a woman asks you ‘what do you think?’ Be mindful that, all she needs is the word and direction.