Reality was getting harsh by the day
as far as his world was concerned. The sharp and hard features of his
surrounding dawned on him. He reverted his thoughts to pick up from where he
trailed off, before the Rev. Fr. Alonzo left him for the Sacristy.
“Yes, we shall” he answered in
response to the Rev. Father as he entered into the confessional booth.
The small enclosed room used for
the sacrament of penance was almost dark but he was not looking for anything,
so he was okay with the illumination and knelt on the kneeler while Father Alonzo
also went into a separate compartment. He quickly made the sign of the cross and
started with his confession as the Priest declared “May the Lord be in our
heart to help you make a good confession”.
“Father, I have sinned against
you and humankind. I have been very unkind to humans but only because they made
me do that. It’s been some eighteen years since I came before you but I’m sure
you are privy to my schedules and activities. I have not come to confess all of
my sins but only to confess those I have done against you…..” “Stop right there, my Son” as he was
interrupted by the Rev. Father from the other divide of the booth.
Selasi raised his head
immediately and saw a crucifix hanged on the grille that divides the
confessional booth but couldn’t see anyone there.
“Why are you talking like that,
my Son?” the Rev. Alonzo enquired.
“Just confessing my sins, how did
it sound?” Selasi retorted.
“You were supposed to be
confessing your sins”
“And what do you think I was
doing?” he snapped angrily. “Why did you try coming between me and my God? This
is the problem I have with Priests like you. I did not come here to have a
conversation with you and like I said before, I came to confess my sins to God,
so I wonder what your business is, in the first place being in the booth”
“I don’t know you from Adam and
you know me not, but if I were you, I would just keep quiet and eavesdrop on
the conversation between me and God that is, if you are bent on listening to
what has been going on in the lives of people. You claim to be without a sin,
which is why you don’t confess before anyone but I am fine with that. What I’m
not fine with is, you have been usurping the powers of God and assuming his
place, but as a true son of God, I have the right to put you right” he said fuming
“It is not what you think my Son;
I am your spiritual father and only here to guide you to salvation”
“Are you saved yet” he fired
back, adrenaline rushing through all his sinews “I’m not even interested in
this confession anymore” as he stood up and rounded the booth to the other
entrance where the Rev. Father Jeremiah was.
The Rev. Father upon seeing Selasi
at his entrance felt terrible and shuddered as he murmured some chants only he
could hear. The frightened expression on the Rev. Father’s face, as he held on
to the rosary reminded Selasi of the scripture that states how mere mortals
should not touch God’s Prophet or do them no harm, so he stared at him for what
appears like hours un-end and then left through the rear door near the Sacristy.
He was confused and apprehensive
because he was headed for the streets again, where everything happened, The
streets; where there were no rules or maybe there were rules but the natural
law of selection was pre-dominant and life was still brutish and in force like
it was in the days of the hobbits.
He
did not like the idea that he wasn’t doing anything amazing with his own life
despite his many trials. He wanted to live just like anyone. He doesn’t like
running amok the city through all these rat-runs and alleyways. He has all
money can buy, but he wasn’t at peace with himself, life was almost becoming
meaningless. He always wanted to do right and to make the world a better place
for his loved ones but he kept realizing that there are no loved ones, he had
no one, the world is full with succession of mass murderers, rapists,
arsonists, criminals and men and women he referred to as characters.
He
was trying to be strong against all odds to become who he might be. He knows he
has a better calling than he has now. Even though he was a proud militant in
the Lord’s Army, he wished his role was reversed or changed. Even though he
prides himself as the best among his regiment and the whole catchment areas, he
didn’t like it.
He
killed people who did not deserve to live, punishing the undeserving, those who
made life hard for the masses by robbing them. He robbed the Priests, business
men and the Politicians. God talks to everyone and how we interpret what He
tells us is our sole prerogative. God chooses and directs him to his targets; that
he can never lie about. How else can he even perceive his thoughts, let alone
sustain them if God was not directing him through his grace? How possible is it
for him to even wake up every day? Wouldn’t God have given up on him long time ago?
These and myriads of them makes him know that he is in the line of duty.
He
had just run into the Church for confession after an unsuccessful operation,
maiming one old business man; accused for exploiting the workers who worked in
his factory. He has no relation at the Factory but he took pain to interview a
sample of the entire population that worked in the factory to have an idea
about their living standards and to ascertain his suspicion of the man’s tax
evasive ploy. He didn’t get worked up on the second reason because that one
could be likened to robbing Peter to pay Paul. Why should he care about the
government when they have totally failed at their mandate?
He
doesn’t worry much when things do not go his way because a believer of his
caliber should not even try to fault God; the farthest he could go was to
question him. Of course, he took directive from him and can ask him questions
if he needed some clarity on issues. The confession did not come off because it
was not supposed to and he seemed not to care. The only aspect of what ensued
that got to him was the fact that there are too many fanatics in the house of
the Lord and some even parading as the Lord himself.
Some
things go beyond his comprehension and he doesn’t know how the whole world
could sit aloof and make some of these people take advantage of the vulnerable
and gullible ones. The Bible has categorically stated that Wolves will come in
sheep clothing so he wonders why these same people who are being led, guided by
the bible cannot discern the truth. You are even tempted to ask what they go to
do at the church. They probably just decorate their shelves with their bibles
until Sunday when they dust it and brandish it like a murderer’s dagger on
their way to church.
Maybe
solidarity and group think made them attend the church or perhaps they attended
for a change from their jobs. But some of these ignorant people needs some of
them to save them from these frauds; their nemesis. It is why some of them exist,
except the laborers are few for the bountiful and bumper harvest, but they were
still motivated to do His bidding.
Selasi
was passionate about his calling. His calling gave him power, much power than
he could handle. He walked on all corridors of power, those he hasn’t, he was
yet to and it’s because he knows the essence of power and knows how much the bearded
old man above wields. It even goes beyond his imagination and the only way he
could revere him is to carry out his duties diligently by listening to his own
instincts and that is how he comes up with ideas purported to be directly from
God.
He
could not be wrong about his constant communications with God and he knows that
his claim cannot be disputed, but he was even at ease because he was not
answerable to anyone let alone explaining his actions and inactions. All he
knows and does is to wait for God’s communiqué.
He
was a willing servant so he was the one who goes to others and also does the
proposition. Anything short of that
would have nothing to do with him. He was the one who uses the influence of others
and did the coming; he chose everyone.
He doesn’t like being approached, It makes him
exposed and makes him feel chosen which makes him vulnerable, It makes him feel
like the other party has everything planned out and was only deploying him in
his pursuit to satisfying his ends. He likes to be the one with the big picture
and does the choosing. He never compromised on his ideals because the God he
served was a time keeping and a promise fulfilling God.
He
was working at attaining greatness; near perfection, so he observed his rituals
and was routinely timeous. He was plan conscious and lived his life by planning
as thought him by his master. God’s essence is time so he has to observe time
and make it count. He did not do things as they come, there was still an iota
of planning, and he practically did everything on time. He prayed in the
mornings, even times he returned from the city at dawn. He also tries to read
the bible every day, memorizes a scripture a day and he almost knew his bible. After
all it took the average reader about seventy-seven hours at most to read the
entire bible.
He’s
never felt any remorse for killing anyone because the kingdom of God must be
taken by force and violence if necessary. And perhaps the same reason why the
fanatics are leaving no stone unturned to hijack the church and lead the whole
flock into an abyss. God himself was a God of war; He led the Israelites to
many countless victories just that he had a task of looking for the other
chosen ones to bring order and sanctity into the society and his kingdom as a
whole before they find him and approach him to help because it would be a
failed meeting.
He
mused all the way through jammed traffic to the house, so exhausted from the
last operation because of the effort he had to put in, only to have an abortive
operation. He loathed the idea of not being able to kill his target but only
succeeding in maiming him, coupled with the fact that he could not confess his
sins. He lied in his sofa in the living room as he came to the conclusion that
something must be wrong and evidently, it’s the gods that have gone crazy as his
senses faded into oblivion.