An open letter to all Parents

Dear Parents, 

Today is my birthday and to actually commemorate and celebrate the day to its fullest, I have decided to engage you, a dear parent, to highlight on certain issues that are pertinent and relatable to nurturing a child and its dependent growth and progression in life. 

You may start asking yourself what my birthday has to do with the attention I want from you, but,

since I did not erupt from any big bang theory but from your nurturing and guidance till date, I deem it necessary to invite you to this table for reconciliation and to discuss the way forward. As a parent, I know your schedule hardly leaves you time to engage in frivolous ventures like this one, so, I will quickly enumerate my essence of communiqué.

Firstly, I want to believe that most children are conceived out of expectations, hence an array of relatively good plans are arraigned before the child by the parents to enable him or her to grow into a good member of the society and at large, but it is also worthy to note that, children usually have minds of their own and has plans to that effect. What they mostly require from you is guidance and not compulsion to be what you want them to be. 

Compulsion from Parents to their children during school or subject selections or even where their interests are directed only goes a long way to destroy or alter the child’s ego and self-esteem which definitely daunts on him all the days of his life unless otherwise. There is no gainsaying that thoughts of children are infantile and not guarded by experience but as a parent, what you have to do is to discover what his interests are skewed towards, so you can help him nurture it to probably excel in that chosen endeavor.

Chances are that s/he will resent you and all the authorities that sought to rein him and probably alter his purview of what the world should be if you compel him to do anything that will be daunting on him when s/he finally grows up and can make relevant choices for himself, because often times, they are ridiculed and called all sort of names like a moron, a loser and hopeless by their friends or sometimes teachers in ‘your’ chosen interest which can destroy another fine soul for life.

Dear Parent, I need you to note that education is a necessity for our existence as a people but schooling is not a mandate for us. Everyone can get educated in any chosen field be it formally or informally and that child who is not necessarily your child but an individual with a purpose on earth will be on his way to discovering something unprecedented at least within his society.

Every Child is special in his own way and some of them are not enthused about academic laurels and this does not necessarily mean that s/he is dumb. For all you know, his interests are in mechanics, the Sciences (just like we have illiterates manufacturing cars), music, the arts, cookery or just anything which is worth pursuing. And as evidenced in this context, s/he may have failed in class, but certainly not in life. All the child needs to grow in leaps and bounds is love and encouragement to unearth that hidden potential you have failed to see.

Thirdly, I would encourage you as a parent to equip yourself with some child psychology. Please get to know how children think and probably, that may smoothen some of the feuds and lessen your expectation from him. 

Fourthly, I would also like to admonish you to propose the idea of a child psychologist in your child’s school to help him when he gets lost in his world and that of others’. Child Psychologists are missing in most of the Government and Public Schools but prevalent in the private and the Montessori’s and it is time your child also gets to enjoy the services and interactions of someone who has in-depth knowledge about children and the processes they go through as they grow.

You have failed your child all these years because all you do at the Parent-teacher Association (P.T.A) meetings is to bargain and deliberate on their school fees and when next they are going to pay their fees. You don’t know the essence of a child psychologist yourself, hence your inability to even suggest it at the numerous P.T.A’s meetings you have attended. 

A child Psychologist like any member of staff is essential on the school’s pay roll and must be a full time venture because children are mostly at crossroads as to what to do and unfortunately, most of you parents are not friends to these kids but just a parent. You feed them, get them their essentials and tell them what to do until they cease to listen to you anymore and that is unfortunate. You can only relate to your child as a friend if you stop treating or seeing him as your child. Please, the only way you can respect him, ask for his opinions or even give him informed consent is, when you regard him as an individual rather than ‘your’ child. 

It will also be a step in the right direction if as parents, you come together to write to Ghana Education Service to introduce Child psychologists or institute counseling units in your children’s school because children from the environs even have psychological problems than those uppities who have access to these professionals 24/7 and that can start a revolution in our slums and ghettos because regardless of where one is coming from, s/he will be guided and guarded by professional care givers who knows what to do.

There are so many teachers out there who are at post because they have to work and earn or just at post because they have no other option. Some of them have broken dreams, no sense of worth or in near-divorces or even in abusive relationships and it will be unfortunate to leave your children in their care without cross-checking what goes into their schooling exercises.

Additionally, most of these teachers have no fore-knowledge about children’s problems or their

uniqueness thereof or forget to note that they are teaching troubled kids where they could approach them with tact. They just lump them together and regrettably compare the slow learners to that of the fast learners thus distorting their ego and self-esteem which is why they, like any other, needs a counseling unit in the school. It is essential to note that counseling is not for only the married or those who are about to marry. It is to help build their psyche and mental well-being to make their minds stable for receptive studies otherwise his sense of appreciation will be lost and that is a problem you may not be able to contain in the near future.

 

Importantly, I know you often don’t know where your child is at what time just because you and your child do not have any agreed schedule by which s/he should go by and probably because you run a busy schedule. Most parents are close to 100% knowledgeable about where their children could be located because they know, s/he will be watching a favorite program on TV at a certain time, see his or her extra classes teacher at another given time and when s/he is scheduled for bible classes and what have you and that is in the right direction. 

Dear Parent, Chances are that, if you mostly don’t know where your child is at what time, even in absentia, s/he is doing drugs, being abused by some friends who needn’t be around him/her or learning something you are not bound to approve. Please, engage you children and teach them the way they should go otherwise, be prepared to be resented when they grow. Negligence is the reason why most people don’t have cordial relationships with their parents because as people, we learn in retrospect and they get to know that you failed in your duty to actually do the right thing.

Finally, interact with your child and ask his opinions in almost everything with an open mind, even if it won’t be used as a working material and you will see what an outspoken champion or individual you are nurturing, just because you allow him to see the world through his eyes and not that of your lenses. Please, allow the child to carry his own cross and not that of yours, lest you crush his spirit and eventually shut the small enthusiasm he has left.

It is rightly so, because expectations, penchants, aspirations, desires and dreams varies from person to person, so implicitly imposing your expectations on the child (eg. To become a lawyer, Doctor, Pilot etc) because of the competition out there would not augur well for us and be reminded that the likes of Bill Clinton, Albert Einstein and many more were labeled social misfits not knowing they were actually thinking outside the box thus seeing what no one on their timeline could see. In other words, your child could be ahead of his time whose imagination must be allowed to soar, after all knowledge is knowledge whether it can be written or not.

Shit Happens!

One definite thing I am convinced about is, nobody likes to take ‘shit’ but I’m sorry to disappoint you because shit is what I am about to give you. It’s my hundredth blog and just to celebrate the journey already, I decided to pay you, my cherished reader with some shitty stuff. I would also like to thank you for being part of MYNAH where I express my thought, your thoughts and the after-thoughts of Society.

 Before you lose it, I really want to apologize for ruining your appetite but I am sorry, I just felt that projecting shit this way is good for our literature as a people and because most people would not talk about it even though it is an essential part of us. Society is quick give you all the lectures on what nauseating and disgusting is and label you uncivilized or uncultured should you pronounce the word shit as if it is a plague but before I proceed further, I would like to know if you do shit?

Is the labeling then an issue of self-righteousness or unadulterated decorum? I have heard people say, they can’t eat around shit or even lose appetite just at the flash of a shitty thought and that is allowed because shit stinks and sticks but I personally do not mind. How about being referred to as a piece of shit?

It is often referred to as faeces, pooh, stools and what have you, so I wasn’t disappointed when I tried to Google ‘shit’ and all I had was ‘shito’, ‘shite’.

Aside the gas which usually heralds the main event; shit comes to us in solid and liquid states and also in colors of black, tarry, smelly, yellow, green, red and sometimes, bloody when we fall sick. It goes through a system of its own and depending on what you ate and general health; your gas can be harmful or harmless. Sometimes, the release comes with a sound; ‘phush’, ‘tuin’, ‘boom’, ‘puu’, ‘puun’ and what have you. The shit system is such that, you eat, the digestion system in your tummy processes it and then it is ready to be let out.

I have mostly thought about why such an integral aspect of the human existence is not discussed publicly or even among dyad or triad of friends but again, it could be a societal norm. Shitting can be a pleasant or an unpleasant situation but I won’t emphasize on that just to avoid giving you graphic details of the shitty stuff.

You have had an unpleasant experience if you have ever had an upset tummy which we popularly refer to as running stomach. Another instance of an unpleasant experience is to be compelled by the stranger of a shit at a party, in the city, travelling aboard a public vehicle and many more other situations. There is no gainsaying that shit smells but it will be unnecessary hypocrisy if we perceive it the way we do. 

For once, have you thought about the role shit plays in your life? I know for a fact that when it becomes difficult for Medical doctors to diagnose you outright, they ask you to come to the hospital with a piece of your shit so they can pick through and trace where your problem is stemming from. Every morning, a part of society carries neatly packaged shit along in their bags, cars and what have you to the Hospital for the Doctor to test. Hmm!

Often times, you see people hurriedly about their business but most are on their way to answering nature’s call because your refusal to even respond on time can be detrimental to your social standing. And if you think otherwise, refuse to answer to nature’s call and you will forever be humbled or you will be on the next bus evacuating you out of town.

Shit is a weapon. It kills directly and indirectly. If you fall in a septic tank full of shit, you are bound to be scalded or die instantly. Inhaling the putrid smell of the shit can also be detrimental to your health. It can be used to demean one’s perceived opponent like the politicians do when they shit-bomb the offices and residences of their political opponents and when that shit-bomb ‘detonates’, the foul smell affects the whole area.

Shit! Have you ever been to the public toilet before? Ever seen people queued up with half sized A4/A3 old lotto and other newspapers, shredded and given them by the toilet manager(s) while they wait in line for their turn? If you haven’t, please, try and have a look for yourself. It can be funny in retrospect but very pathetic to say the least.

As much as I respect your opinion or apathy towards shit, I strongly want to remind you that it is your savior and has kept you alive all the days of your life not to talk about the numerous things it can help us achieve such as manure and for generating power. It also readily comes to us when we find ourselves in trouble because the first thing we say when caught up in awkward situations is ‘shit!’

Also in a related news, a neighbor committed suicide in my neighborhood because of shit. May his soul rest in peace. Apparently, the guy messed up himself up at work when he developed upset tummy at kantamanto Market where he works and his colleagues would not let him be. He couldn’t take the taunting any longer and decided to take his own life which is very sad.

My condolence to all the shit martyrs…. You lost it!

Musings - Sins behind the scenes!

You must be leaving in the stone ages if you still believe in the maxim "talk is cheap".  The

government has proposed to increase levy on emails including all the junks and international calls which are mostly placed to lonely and sick grannies in the villages from their children in the cold. Well, the government must be the channel through which these policies must come, but fellows, you have to bypass the government and look at the bigger picture.

 The government is just a group of people made up by members from our society. Some are friends, families, school mates and colleagues, so it's not like they are far-removed from our situation or suddenly become accustomed to riches or luxuries and have turned their back on us. No, their hands are tied and it is a pity all we talk about all day is their inability to deliver on their promises. How can they deliver their promises when the Paymaster has not released funds (which they have amassed from corporatocracy and fascism) or releases insufficient funds with shoe string budgets and strict directives as to how the money should be disbursed? 

From my purview, Ghana is too small a country to resist the overwhelming and imposing figure of Big Brother not to allow all these economic hit men to parade around as entrepreneurs, business and development partners. What is in for them for the street lights and roads they construct for us? What is in for them for the Electrification projects and the beautification of the city? Do they care that much to give us grants just to construct roads without necessarily solving our basic and pervasive problems?

The whole idea is to keep us on the fringes for exploitation because in the end, toxins from mining our mineral resources are willfully pumped into our water bodies which eventually kill people, plants and animals and consequently are paid outrageously for good work done, while the poor victims wallow in abject poverty. 

A look at the regular trends in worldwide poverty rates are published by newspapers everyday and per the world Bank, a daily income of less than two dollars per person have become the benchmark for defining the world’s poor while the poorest scrap on less than a dollar a day and it is hard to imagine how these poor people survive the hardships that come in torrents but even more harder thinking about how such people can ever prosper, not to think about emergencies and affording big-ticket items like building, education, furniture etc.

However the two dollar statistics is just an average over time, meaning there are days you go without the two dollars and there are other days you make more to which you can’t really make plans for because as irregular as the income is, it is small and unpredictable. It will also interest you to note that of all the statistics that have been availed by scores of scholars for the world bank, they have not been able to research into how the poor people survive on the two dollars and how they go through each day.

They don’t really care about you and it is time the poor majority change their attitude towards the government because the government is not there for you. They have actually come to make you poorer and trust me, of every ten units of items they take from you, they give you one.

The whole idea is to annihilate the human race which I know most of you will be quick to refer to as unfounded, but that just goes to portray your gullibility and what you are being fed with. There is more happening around you than you can see and you don't always need empirical evidence to believe. Read beyond the lines and you will realize to your chagrin that, there are other printed matters you have refused to see. They play with our minds; rein us in so we can rally around one figurehead by appending our signatures and consents that will be binding on us as a people. Votes for our Presidents and other leaders are all it takes to set their dominion in motion. Democracy.

Recently, there was a topic for discussion on Africans and for that matter Ghanaians now enjoying middle income status; another illusive praise on us, to probably assuage our psyche, but given that the report is true, how many people are actually in that bracket? How reflective is our single digit inflation and all the economic indicators they keep touting on our behalf? How beneficial is it to that hard working hawking woman with a child strapped behind her? And how does that incredible GDP figures that are churned out every time help the average Joe in Teshie, Wassa, Afram Plains and Atiavi? We as a people have to determine that enough is enough and we want to try another means of approaching same prevalent situations.

Dear reader, there is nothing like middle income class or middle class. Typically on a number scale, there are two sets of numbers, one being negative and the other positive, all gravitating to the middle number which is zero (0), so you realize that even the less positive number (+1) nearer to the zero is more than the highest (-1) on the other divide, and interestingly, the gap between the two divides only keep widening as the numbers increase in the opposite directions, so there cannot be anything like the middle class. You are either there or here. Simple.

Anything middle is defeating to polarity and the duality concept in Accounting and Creation where we have man and woman, up and down, table and chair, negative and positive, good and evil, God and Devil, a freeman and a slave and what have you. The attempt to fuse in ‘middle’ is what is giving birth to gays and their related rights; middle income class and what have you.

Consequently, we will be served more than we bargained for. We will be paying more levies that weever anticipated because everything is just playing to their galleries. Our system has moved into an era where one person can control about sixty percent (60%) of the economy and you think that man is not powerful enough to use human beings the way he likes? Can you imagine how many people will be dependent on that man through the number of employments he is willing and able to provide for the masses? Too much power vested in one person can be very dangerous but unfortunately that is where we are now and the bad news is we are on a journey of no return which ushers in modern day slavery.

There is always a price to pay for every single choice we make except, most of the consequences is not bearing on us because of their negligible effect. We only get to feel those that affect us seriously. The need to pay for everything we utilize is just a tip of the iceberg and a clarion call to what is yet to hit us. They are testing the waters and very soon, we will be paying to breathe ‘good’ air because the whole atmosphere would have been polluted. You either pay, breath and live or die. 

And there is this incessant feeling that will not go away anytime soon, that, one of these days, one or two people will start owning nations and by extension, everything the nation has to offer looking at the rate at which all our mineral and human resources are being used as collateral for borrowing from external sources. 

Brace up because serious times are here!

The Goodbye

It was dawn and check with the time was three O’clock. It was the beginning of the last quarter of the night and the moon was still luminous and large as life, as it journeys slowly to the west to rest. Life was still dead in the small community of Lomnava lying in the plains of Afram Plains, except the shrill noises from some nocturnal insects and the occasionally croaking of frogs in the pockets of bushes around.

In the sand were long shadows of Koo Emma and Enyonam legibly drawn from the full moon which was quite strange because the only waakye seller who is noted by all community members to be the first to wake up before anyone else was still cozying in her bed or mat perhaps… 

Had Koo Emma being strong willed enough, the two party would not have been there by now, but there they were, in the harmattan morning and getting drenched by the dew and feeling cold by the seconds, despite their numerous cloths they both had on. It was about the fifth time he had come back after waving Enyonam ‘good-bye’. He just did not have the will to leave her presence. It was even more difficult, because, it will also be the last time they were an item. It was over between them.

Leaning against the unpainted picket gate which was almost as tall the size of her at about 5’6" was Enyonam who has resolved not to make any attempt at stopping him from leaving her life but to cry her hearts out. Her solace would be time, because it is the antidote to every situation. She survived it when she lost her mother. She did not even know that she could survive from the painful loss unscathed. Maybe losing her dear ones was her portion.

She did not lose her father. He simply has never been there and has never counted, and now it was Koo Emma leaving her life for good because he claims it was for their good. How can you love someone and stop loving them, she thought, as her sobs, mixed with the dew sends shivers down her spine.

True love has no format, so it came to pass that Koo Emma and Enyonam met one sunny afternoon some two years ago in the market square and fell in love at once. When love arrests you, you avail yourself to its trial, so yes, they succumbed. They began the knowing-me-knowing-you phase and the disclosure session was revealing than they both expected. They both have been posted to the town after their National Service, to begin their lives as substantive employees even though at different times but the chemistry and the eventual companionship they both offered each other was the right motivation they both needed to make their stay in the community Grande.

Enyonam’s first year was uneventful because he could not find anyone to relate to, so it was all work and other assignments taken from the local parish just to get her busy and going. It was the only way to kill boredom until Koo Emma arrived with the same city style she was used to. They began dating and her life had sprung back. They had two places of abode, sometimes they stayed over at her place and other times at Koo Emma’s two bedroom place. All of a sudden, Lomnava became the most fun place on the face of the planet. How love can be illusive.

One thing led to another and with the passage of time, all Enyonam did was to live Koo Emma. Her world now practically revolved around him and it was becoming difficult for Koo Emma to do other things apart from his official work. And while they were at it, Enyonam has forgotten her flock of youngsters she taught at the Sunday school and her Secretarial role she played in the youth wing of the church. She stopped attending Choir practice and only attended Church when she liked.

Talk of her sudden change was all over town and it was debilitating for Koo Emma to be named as the change agent. He figured that much, but how could he be the one to be the negative influence on the poor girl? Maybe he has being selfish for taking her away from everyone. He should have known that, practically being with her all the time was tantamount to the relegation of her core engagements. Consequently, after sleepless nights of long and disturbing thoughts, he resolved that the greater good of the community should always paramount over individual good and desires.

He loved Enyonam without a doubt and has made her the centre of his life. Enyonam has become his source of happiness but that certainly is a loss to the whole community who draws inspiration from her life and what she does for the community. He has to let go so that Enyonam could continue being the one-in-a-million she was for the community before his arrival, however, his problem was how to still live in the same community and not see Enyonam.

He has to save himself and Enyonam somehow because they can’t live their lives loving all day like modern day Romeo and Juliet. Their career lives were suffering and the Community needed Enyonam more than he needed her in his life. He has to go away as soon as possible.

After several meetings with the Pastor and Elders of the church who appeared more concerned than the rest of the community, an arrangement was made for Koo Emma to start work in the next two villages which were all unknown to Enyonam until that fateful moonlit night.

He realized no amount of words carefully put together will soothe Enyonam's bruised heart and there was no way he was rescinding on his carefully thought decision, so he said the needful 'goodbye', turned around and got absorbed in the dark forever.

Beware, the truth can be destructive!

There is a saying that “it is better to feel lied to in the end than to doubt from the beginning” and probably mar everything for ourselves, but as defiant as human nature is, we easily settle on the latter option and I’m yet to understand why it has come to remain so. It’s amazing how we make the simple things the most complex puzzles ever and reduce the most complex puzzles to their barest minimum.

Why do we look so hard to find the truth?

What’s usually the motivation or we just journey on that destructive quest for its sake?

Maybe to prove in the end that we were all knowing right from the start and did not allow ourselves to be taken on a folly trip or just to feed our ego that, we really are smart.

Then, point proven and what next?

Sometimes, our mind takes us for a ride from time to time. With or without our concern, our minds play games on us and it’s time we stop taking it serious.

Have you made images from your mind come alive before? Then, quickly stare at a wall for quite a long time and your mind will start patterning dirt on the wall from hand imprints into images. And the kind of images that come alive depends solely on your experiences and also depends on the size of the area you have chosen to gaze at.

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it" - Andre Girde

Why do we see different things at different times or in other words, why do we see same things as different things at different times? Some say what we see is often dependent on our mood; how we feel at a given time, and I ask why our mood/feeling is not static? What alters our mood thus changing what we see?

If what we see is what becomes our truth and that truth is dependent on our mood, then it is logical to say that decision making is not left in the hands of the mind alone but our feelings too. To put it bluntly and simple, truth depends on what we see and how we feel. Our feeling determines what is right or wrong and what appears as the truth may not necessarily be the truth and vice versa.

Oftentimes, a flash of thought is all it takes to ignite our truth quest which makes us look until we bring out something that was already in existence or not. That transient thought becomes a clue that helps us put one and one together until the equation balances even in an unbalanced situation. When you dedicate time and look so hard, you are likely to find what you have set out to see.

The premise, which is often that flash of thought you perceived becomes the hypothesis to be proved or disproved e.g. ‘could my spouse be cheating on me?’, ‘has my friend being snitching on me?’ and you will be on your way to finding the truth or otherwise.

A couple of people have set out to find the ‘truth’ to be sure at all cost, which often has turned out destructive. and if you want to find out who people really are or find out what you don’t know, visit people unawares in their homes or your spouse at home without notice and chances are that, your perception about them might change or you just might hurt forever – and what will be the point in finding the truth?

Sometimes, we want to take lifelong decisions that are time-bound and dependent on the truth; the outcome of our research, so, we like to fast-forward our discovery pace only to end up ruining everything, leaving us without any decision to be made any longer.

A good story only makes meaning at the end of the tale, so trying to find out the truth before the end is by all means a recipe for confusion and abortion of the objective. Mostly, your expectation even comes to give you a misconstrued meaning of what the author of the tale wants you to know, example, most people in the world want to know if God and its related Judgement is real, even before they succumb to his grace and eventual worship by asking “have you been to heaven before?”, but it’s unfortunate they are on an endless quest because the end is not yet in sight and any truth thereof, may have come up out of their expectation and experiences.

Such people often appear upbeat about their own insecurity and appears immature and imprudent because prudence will tell you that the end justifies the means. They are the proverbial ‘Thomases’ of our time and would not commit into anything unless they know how the whole thing will turn out.

When you doubt people from the beginning thus eroding the trust element, you find it difficult to see the good in them and what they can do. You even sometimes impress upon them what they haven’t done and eventually suggest to them what they would have thought about in a thousand light years. It becomes difficult discarding your perception, and sometimes, which is mostly, it never works out.

The need to find the truth even when people haven’t given us a cause to, only goes to point that people are inherently distrustful and bad. It also goes to enforce the fact that, almost everyone has been betrayed once or twice in the past and are not letting down their guards any longer and where they refuse to let go, people will still find the truth on their behalf.

Finally, it is necessary that, we all stop marring the climax of our stories and situations by not wanting them too early yet in the life of the story, so that, after all is said and done, everything will fall in place and make meaning to us without influencing the outcome. The truth will definitely come and can only surface when it is time.