The one-night stand

She managed to express something between a long deep breath and a sigh, after which she gently rolled off his broad hairy chest to lie a little farther away from him. As soon as she felt comfortable enough in her new position, she reached for her Smartphone, which was obviously smarter than her small mind. She was about to browse her increasing guilt away. For her, the feeling of not being on the phone for the past thirty minutes or so could be likened to a neglect of her world for many light years.

Normally, she would have to reply texts, return missed calls, and look around her Facebook community for gossips, and to answer messages on Whatsapp, Tango, Viber and anything that makes the nothingness grandiose, except this time around, she had an objective, which was to find out if the poor lonely boy she has been flirting with, for the past three years was still single and waiting on her forever, as he always offered. 

She fervently hoped and prayed with bated breath for the poor thing to still be available as she quickly navigated into her inbox. She dug into her long list of messaging pals, until she came by the name she was looking for and frantically typed a “hi” before heaving a sigh. Even though the green light which indicated one’s presence on line was off, she silently hoped it was off for a reason. What was she going to say when a “hi” pops up? Was she going to out-rightly tell him that she was now available or she would diplomatically elicit information her own way, she deliberated.

She was apprehensive and would not hesitate to make it evident. Life has changed and it was her turn to want, to have, and to keep, and it didn’t matter if she was desperate. She was the one who always looked forward to having a good man; a man she could be proud of, a man who will assuage for her rolling stone of a Father who never was there. 

Growing up without a real man in her life, all she envisaged were men playing different roles and doing all sort of magical things with her. Men who were at his beck and call but only existed in her mind. She had her own notion of what love should be and had her own idea of which man she deserved. A checklist she always failed to literally carry about, which makes her ends up with the same wrong men. 

Her idea of a man is the heroic type who will defeat other men and go for their ladies; the types that pop up in soaps and the cover of Playboy Magazines with two hour hairstyles painstakingly preened up like they were stalked. She always envisaged being with a real man who has his wardrobe lined with fine silks, colorful suits and pairs of shoes for every occasion. She wanted Denzel Washington, maybe a knight in a shining armour or Superman himself, forgetting that, they will all be busy saving the world rather than serving her breakfast in bed.

If she wasn’t this finicky and too keen on what society would think of her, she would not always end up with intelligent and attractive but foolish pricks; guys who would like to be qualified as geniuses instead of the everyday smart she was used to. She always wanted to be important by being with important people who always ended up abusing and breaking her self-esteem.

Here she was, with her resolve as a woman, broken into tiny fragments by the man she was looking up to, as the husband in the making. Even though his need and sense of carefulness has often come up as leads, she failed to follow through and is now about to pay for her negligence. Maybe she fell in love as usual and now reality is jostling her through the exit door. She has to go. She cannot take it anymore. Only fools don’t change their minds and she was not one.

She suddenly felt a surge and thought it was now time to face her fears. It was now time to move on and never again was she going to allow her discriminating mind to split her reality. Life is too short to be contemplative. She quickly went through her contacts, as she bit her lower lip, hoping she had saved the phone number Conrad gave her some time ago but could not find it. If only she had even called him once, she thought.

Conrad was one of the men who held Asantewaa in high esteem and would have done anything to make her happy.  Even before the advent of Bruno Mars, Conrad would have jumped in front of the train for her, but all he got in return for his noble intent and unadulterated love was to be denigrated and treated like a rag. To her, it was pretense because Conrad ought to have known that, they did not belong together. He should have known that she was too classy for him.

“Indeed!”? She thought aloud. 

 “Take me home” she spat out

“I am definitely doing that soon”

“I mean now”

“Come on, you know that is ridiculous. We barely started and…”

“I need to leave here, just take me home now” as she woke up from the bed towards the dresser,

carrying her pair of styled jeans, a yellow lousy blouse and a pair of flat-heeled shoes she picked at the foot-end of the bed. She dropped her things on the stool in front of the vanity set and quickly slipped into her underwear, followed by her Jeans. She hastily wore her dress and walked briskly to the slightly opened door and slammed it behind her as she walked out into the silent and cold whispering night to the amazement of Mr. Playboy who does not mind anyway.

She was going to look for Conrad or wait for him, wherever he has gone to. She has learnt her lessons the hard way, that heroes were only good at saving the world but not at making women feel good and wonderful. Conrad will be her all purpose man. He can and will make him happy, after all she does not need any Superman.

Even though making mistakes was human and expected of us, she was afraid that making one more could turn her into a Superhuman, then it dawned on her that, she had not considered so many things; things that could just deflate her renewed energy and motivation if it didn’t go well.

What if Conrad is nowhere to be found or finding consolation somewhere in the arms of someone who took advantage of the opportunity when the chance presented itself?

“Opportunity never comes once”, she said to herself and started jogging into the night….

An open letter to all Parents

Dear Parents, 

Today is my birthday and to actually commemorate and celebrate the day to its fullest, I have decided to engage you, a dear parent, to highlight on certain issues that are pertinent and relatable to nurturing a child and its dependent growth and progression in life. 

You may start asking yourself what my birthday has to do with the attention I want from you, but,

since I did not erupt from any big bang theory but from your nurturing and guidance till date, I deem it necessary to invite you to this table for reconciliation and to discuss the way forward. As a parent, I know your schedule hardly leaves you time to engage in frivolous ventures like this one, so, I will quickly enumerate my essence of communiqué.

Firstly, I want to believe that most children are conceived out of expectations, hence an array of relatively good plans are arraigned before the child by the parents to enable him or her to grow into a good member of the society and at large, but it is also worthy to note that, children usually have minds of their own and has plans to that effect. What they mostly require from you is guidance and not compulsion to be what you want them to be. 

Compulsion from Parents to their children during school or subject selections or even where their interests are directed only goes a long way to destroy or alter the child’s ego and self-esteem which definitely daunts on him all the days of his life unless otherwise. There is no gainsaying that thoughts of children are infantile and not guarded by experience but as a parent, what you have to do is to discover what his interests are skewed towards, so you can help him nurture it to probably excel in that chosen endeavor.

Chances are that s/he will resent you and all the authorities that sought to rein him and probably alter his purview of what the world should be if you compel him to do anything that will be daunting on him when s/he finally grows up and can make relevant choices for himself, because often times, they are ridiculed and called all sort of names like a moron, a loser and hopeless by their friends or sometimes teachers in ‘your’ chosen interest which can destroy another fine soul for life.

Dear Parent, I need you to note that education is a necessity for our existence as a people but schooling is not a mandate for us. Everyone can get educated in any chosen field be it formally or informally and that child who is not necessarily your child but an individual with a purpose on earth will be on his way to discovering something unprecedented at least within his society.

Every Child is special in his own way and some of them are not enthused about academic laurels and this does not necessarily mean that s/he is dumb. For all you know, his interests are in mechanics, the Sciences (just like we have illiterates manufacturing cars), music, the arts, cookery or just anything which is worth pursuing. And as evidenced in this context, s/he may have failed in class, but certainly not in life. All the child needs to grow in leaps and bounds is love and encouragement to unearth that hidden potential you have failed to see.

Thirdly, I would encourage you as a parent to equip yourself with some child psychology. Please get to know how children think and probably, that may smoothen some of the feuds and lessen your expectation from him. 

Fourthly, I would also like to admonish you to propose the idea of a child psychologist in your child’s school to help him when he gets lost in his world and that of others’. Child Psychologists are missing in most of the Government and Public Schools but prevalent in the private and the Montessori’s and it is time your child also gets to enjoy the services and interactions of someone who has in-depth knowledge about children and the processes they go through as they grow.

You have failed your child all these years because all you do at the Parent-teacher Association (P.T.A) meetings is to bargain and deliberate on their school fees and when next they are going to pay their fees. You don’t know the essence of a child psychologist yourself, hence your inability to even suggest it at the numerous P.T.A’s meetings you have attended. 

A child Psychologist like any member of staff is essential on the school’s pay roll and must be a full time venture because children are mostly at crossroads as to what to do and unfortunately, most of you parents are not friends to these kids but just a parent. You feed them, get them their essentials and tell them what to do until they cease to listen to you anymore and that is unfortunate. You can only relate to your child as a friend if you stop treating or seeing him as your child. Please, the only way you can respect him, ask for his opinions or even give him informed consent is, when you regard him as an individual rather than ‘your’ child. 

It will also be a step in the right direction if as parents, you come together to write to Ghana Education Service to introduce Child psychologists or institute counseling units in your children’s school because children from the environs even have psychological problems than those uppities who have access to these professionals 24/7 and that can start a revolution in our slums and ghettos because regardless of where one is coming from, s/he will be guided and guarded by professional care givers who knows what to do.

There are so many teachers out there who are at post because they have to work and earn or just at post because they have no other option. Some of them have broken dreams, no sense of worth or in near-divorces or even in abusive relationships and it will be unfortunate to leave your children in their care without cross-checking what goes into their schooling exercises.

Additionally, most of these teachers have no fore-knowledge about children’s problems or their

uniqueness thereof or forget to note that they are teaching troubled kids where they could approach them with tact. They just lump them together and regrettably compare the slow learners to that of the fast learners thus distorting their ego and self-esteem which is why they, like any other, needs a counseling unit in the school. It is essential to note that counseling is not for only the married or those who are about to marry. It is to help build their psyche and mental well-being to make their minds stable for receptive studies otherwise his sense of appreciation will be lost and that is a problem you may not be able to contain in the near future.

 

Importantly, I know you often don’t know where your child is at what time just because you and your child do not have any agreed schedule by which s/he should go by and probably because you run a busy schedule. Most parents are close to 100% knowledgeable about where their children could be located because they know, s/he will be watching a favorite program on TV at a certain time, see his or her extra classes teacher at another given time and when s/he is scheduled for bible classes and what have you and that is in the right direction. 

Dear Parent, Chances are that, if you mostly don’t know where your child is at what time, even in absentia, s/he is doing drugs, being abused by some friends who needn’t be around him/her or learning something you are not bound to approve. Please, engage you children and teach them the way they should go otherwise, be prepared to be resented when they grow. Negligence is the reason why most people don’t have cordial relationships with their parents because as people, we learn in retrospect and they get to know that you failed in your duty to actually do the right thing.

Finally, interact with your child and ask his opinions in almost everything with an open mind, even if it won’t be used as a working material and you will see what an outspoken champion or individual you are nurturing, just because you allow him to see the world through his eyes and not that of your lenses. Please, allow the child to carry his own cross and not that of yours, lest you crush his spirit and eventually shut the small enthusiasm he has left.

It is rightly so, because expectations, penchants, aspirations, desires and dreams varies from person to person, so implicitly imposing your expectations on the child (eg. To become a lawyer, Doctor, Pilot etc) because of the competition out there would not augur well for us and be reminded that the likes of Bill Clinton, Albert Einstein and many more were labeled social misfits not knowing they were actually thinking outside the box thus seeing what no one on their timeline could see. In other words, your child could be ahead of his time whose imagination must be allowed to soar, after all knowledge is knowledge whether it can be written or not.

Fool's Paradise

Trying to demystify why ‘fools fall in love” is one of the endless pursuit a man can indulge himself in, which begs the question, why amorous love has so many negative inferences and connotations, among which are “love is blind”,  “at the touch of love, every man becomes a poet”, “love is not for the faint-hearted".

This makes me wonder if the supposed wise people do not have emotions that are aroused by the attractiveness of the opposite sex and the need to copulate or perhaps, they have a way of going about it, which does not have effect on their senses, because it looks like the more I do, the more I get lost and at this point, I can only rescind my fate and choose between being a fool or a wise person.

Sometimes, the import of all these negative inferences makes meaning when you look at it from a different perspective, which makes you smile and nod your head to these age old truisms as a form of approval. 

A fool according to an unknown source can be someone who lacks commonsense and intelligence and mostly, it is what we display any time love comes knocking on our door. It is very easy to appear a fool or actually do relatively foolish things for the one you love and in worse cases, defy all beliefs which hitherto were sacred to you, just to please that one special person.

Being a fool in the context of love is not necessarily acting up in the circus or has nothing to do with comedy. What it simply means is to be thinking with your heart which is sometimes referred to as following one’s heart.

The head is physical and logical and tries to put things in its right perspective according to the bearer’s level of intelligence and expectations while the heart is illogical and can only be felt. The heart does not think and cannot think. It doesn’t know what is right or not and does not conform to norms. All it exudes is emotions and lots of it. 

How often have you not been lost at sea when asked to explain why you love the one in your life?

Have often have you not rationalized why the one you are with is the best thing that has ever happened to you even though you know parts or the whole of your explanation is false?

How about the lies you discovered s/he told you and still you found a way to make her/him stay with that big heart of yours, not to talk about the physical abuse?

How often have you not asked friends and family to mind their own businesses because it’s your life and you could choose whom to love against all odds?

So, why did you lie to your friends and Employer about the bruises and scars s/he left on your skin if you were actually in your senses and thinking right?

Can these aforementioned and a lot more rhetoric of this nature be considered as someone in their right senses?

Unfortunately, the mind and heart fails to coordinate when an issue of love arises and each in its own right chooses a different path. It is also convenient to state that no one in his right senses can love because loving is for fools who suppresses or discard some of their right thoughts just to be with the one they meant to be with.

The head with a fanciful brain, sits up in its quietude to prepare a checklist as to who should own its heart but the heart just chances upon someone and tasks the fellow to own its head, thus betraying the head-heart relationship. The heart does not mind any other stimuli apart from what it perceives and further blinds its eye to all the reasoning his mind and that of others will give it. It is the heart that beats at the sight of our captors, and it is the heart that breaks when that person does something awful against us or exits out of our life.

Furthermore, love is one thing no one has monopoly over and can barely control, unless they retreat from that pursuit, because it reins everyone in and makes them fools at one point or the other and I am sure you can readily attest to letting go of some ideals and terribly compromising on some commonsense, just to ensure that something was done right.

Additionally, knowing that love relationship is a paradise for fools, can make most of us relax and make things work by not being rigid and too logical because love in itself does not make sense and you can bear out to my assertion if you probably have asked yourself once or twice in the past, why some people end up as couples whom in your opinion do not belong at all and the most familiar one by asking yourself, why you ever dated that Ex of yours.

Finally, it is prudent to follow your heart and make a fool of yourself by falling in love and possibly staying on than trying to find logic in everything your lover does to the extent of separating every two months you fall in love, because in such instances, it will be convenient to say that, the wise has rather become a fool by not dwelling in the fool’s paradise.