The Untold Stories

They say its attitude, I say its perception!

I must admit most of my write ups are usually not for public consumption but somehow they find their way into the public domain. The need to keep at least those I deem inapt for the public is because they are laden with too many of my warped view of the world - my disappointments, dejection and rejections, gloomy moments and some little successes which are not detailed enough or anything worth highlighting. 

On the other hand, I think I can quickly hazard a few guesses why my subconscious still makes me publish some of these write-ups instead of keeping them to myself even against odds. Firstly, it’s because it makes a lot of sense to hide our valuables in plain sight which is rightly so because the more we look, the less we see. Chances are also that you may overly get used to it and probably write it off at your own peril.

Secondly, I think I have been using diaries incorrectly. I remember the good old days when it was fashionable to own one, year after year. The prestigious feel of either carrying the pocket sized ones along or coming back from the hustle to write in them. However I think I have outgrown writing in them.  I simply can’t make do with the care and security that comes with it any longer; the fear of someone unapproved reading my failures just yet. The handful bright moments and the fleeting aspirations, not to talk about the penchants and the wavering emotions as they delve into my innermost quietude without my consent or any interaction whatsoever. You can say I have become paranoid and you are right.

Thirdly, I think I want to be a part of the struggle. I want to hone my voice till it becomes loud enough to be heard. Keeping my muse to me is negative energy hence the need to contribute my quota. I am mostly aware of my limitations but I don’t see how it affects my efforts at trying. I can talk about the ease with which I can easily reach out rather than being sought for, the technological advancements, the new world order and what have you but unfortunately, it is not the import of this piece.

Sometimes, I think I talk too much but I always marvel at my invisibility anytime I take a trip through Twitter Avenue and Facebook Crescents. Herh! People can talk papa. The way they seemingly appear as all-knowing, having a thing or two to say about everything, professing theories and beliefs as though they are the second coming makes me think that we all talk too much. The only difference herein is how group dynamics affects our interaction and the way we tend to adapt. 

The difference thus affects what, where, when and how you choose to express your opinion or present your facts and the number of people you are willing to engage at a given time and still not losing sight of the fact that these interactions are somehow guided by (common) Laws.

There are so many things we don’t talk about especially in the public domain but feels comfortable talking about all day with a friend or two and I am confused as to which one is better. In same vein there are so many things I have not talked about publicly or at least with you. For Instance, I have not told you that I sometimes get disappointed when I remember all the numerous ladies, both young and old who used to call me My Husband when I was just a child. I have not told you that my dream of becoming an accomplished Musician is only short of someone believing in my potentials and giving me the platform to work on my lots, neither have I also told you that the dream is in limbo just because way back in 2008 when I met the then celebrated Jay Q, he insisted I sang in Twi which already had a Market against the backdrop of my (global) English stance in the quest of creating my own market. But If only I could  come across the people who produces and manages acts like D-Black, Asem, Nana Boroo, Akoo Nana, OJ Black, Tinny and other artistes of their ability, that singular dream could be realized easily but I am hanging in here and hoping…

Ever since I became privy to the fact that silence being golden does not mean it is gold in itself, I changed my mind - simply because the Gold fascinates me way pass the glow.  Yeah, that is the only enlightening thing about being enlightened. Changing your mind as and when new perspectives are illuminated. Going with the flow in a steady pace while still being mindful of the race.

They say life is short, live happily, cut yourself some slack, don’t be hard on yourself, don’t wallow in the past, develop an attitude, don’t complain, be thankful, say your mind, develop a sense of humor, start new things, go downtown or uptown (depending on which divide of town you reside) from time to time to acquaint with life there, eat healthily, Exercise a lot, dare to dream, laugh heartily, take vacations and capture bright moments but unfortunately, most of us are living contrary to this long list of what can make life thick and enjoyable for humans.

They have failed to prescribe another list of to-dos for those of us who are living far from this myth. They have failed to provide for those of us who can’t think past what to eat and where to sleep. The irony of working all day everyday yet can’t make ends meet juxtaposed against those who are working less of the time but have more to stash away simply because the former is touted as not working smart and other readily plausible explanations.

At least we could have a list that reads like, wake up before it is actually time to wake up or wake up even though you hardly slept, wake up to other noisy neighbors screaming at a stray animal or their children, work all day every day because it is good for your spiritual upliftment, eat less nutritional foods in messy surroundings, take selfies even though your face is wrinkled and your smile is wry, perpetually be inclined to the past, don’t save, refuse to have a sense of humor, don’t ever call over friends and family over to merry with you, have apathy for success, refuse to be a Socialite and at worst be a Masochist. We are obviously on our own.

We are continually faced with so many things to say – social issues no one cares about. These and many other issues which have become our untold stories simply because it does not put bread on anyone’s table, neither does it affect the price of kenkey.

There is so much to say but in the light of developing social trends, it is also worthy to note that some of our stories will forever be untold even though someone must hear us by all means necessary. And while at it, let us also be mindful that of all the things that can elude us, we have to steadfastly hold on to hope and positive self esteem in its right proportion lest you are declared the official douche bag of the Century.

Follow the writer on Twitter @vilejah

The one-night stand

She managed to express something between a long deep breath and a sigh, after which she gently rolled off his broad hairy chest to lie a little farther away from him. As soon as she felt comfortable enough in her new position, she reached for her Smartphone, which was obviously smarter than her small mind. She was about to browse her increasing guilt away. For her, the feeling of not being on the phone for the past thirty minutes or so could be likened to a neglect of her world for many light years.

Normally, she would have to reply texts, return missed calls, and look around her Facebook community for gossips, and to answer messages on Whatsapp, Tango, Viber and anything that makes the nothingness grandiose, except this time around, she had an objective, which was to find out if the poor lonely boy she has been flirting with, for the past three years was still single and waiting on her forever, as he always offered. 

She fervently hoped and prayed with bated breath for the poor thing to still be available as she quickly navigated into her inbox. She dug into her long list of messaging pals, until she came by the name she was looking for and frantically typed a “hi” before heaving a sigh. Even though the green light which indicated one’s presence on line was off, she silently hoped it was off for a reason. What was she going to say when a “hi” pops up? Was she going to out-rightly tell him that she was now available or she would diplomatically elicit information her own way, she deliberated.

She was apprehensive and would not hesitate to make it evident. Life has changed and it was her turn to want, to have, and to keep, and it didn’t matter if she was desperate. She was the one who always looked forward to having a good man; a man she could be proud of, a man who will assuage for her rolling stone of a Father who never was there. 

Growing up without a real man in her life, all she envisaged were men playing different roles and doing all sort of magical things with her. Men who were at his beck and call but only existed in her mind. She had her own notion of what love should be and had her own idea of which man she deserved. A checklist she always failed to literally carry about, which makes her ends up with the same wrong men. 

Her idea of a man is the heroic type who will defeat other men and go for their ladies; the types that pop up in soaps and the cover of Playboy Magazines with two hour hairstyles painstakingly preened up like they were stalked. She always envisaged being with a real man who has his wardrobe lined with fine silks, colorful suits and pairs of shoes for every occasion. She wanted Denzel Washington, maybe a knight in a shining armour or Superman himself, forgetting that, they will all be busy saving the world rather than serving her breakfast in bed.

If she wasn’t this finicky and too keen on what society would think of her, she would not always end up with intelligent and attractive but foolish pricks; guys who would like to be qualified as geniuses instead of the everyday smart she was used to. She always wanted to be important by being with important people who always ended up abusing and breaking her self-esteem.

Here she was, with her resolve as a woman, broken into tiny fragments by the man she was looking up to, as the husband in the making. Even though his need and sense of carefulness has often come up as leads, she failed to follow through and is now about to pay for her negligence. Maybe she fell in love as usual and now reality is jostling her through the exit door. She has to go. She cannot take it anymore. Only fools don’t change their minds and she was not one.

She suddenly felt a surge and thought it was now time to face her fears. It was now time to move on and never again was she going to allow her discriminating mind to split her reality. Life is too short to be contemplative. She quickly went through her contacts, as she bit her lower lip, hoping she had saved the phone number Conrad gave her some time ago but could not find it. If only she had even called him once, she thought.

Conrad was one of the men who held Asantewaa in high esteem and would have done anything to make her happy.  Even before the advent of Bruno Mars, Conrad would have jumped in front of the train for her, but all he got in return for his noble intent and unadulterated love was to be denigrated and treated like a rag. To her, it was pretense because Conrad ought to have known that, they did not belong together. He should have known that she was too classy for him.

“Indeed!”? She thought aloud. 

 “Take me home” she spat out

“I am definitely doing that soon”

“I mean now”

“Come on, you know that is ridiculous. We barely started and…”

“I need to leave here, just take me home now” as she woke up from the bed towards the dresser,

carrying her pair of styled jeans, a yellow lousy blouse and a pair of flat-heeled shoes she picked at the foot-end of the bed. She dropped her things on the stool in front of the vanity set and quickly slipped into her underwear, followed by her Jeans. She hastily wore her dress and walked briskly to the slightly opened door and slammed it behind her as she walked out into the silent and cold whispering night to the amazement of Mr. Playboy who does not mind anyway.

She was going to look for Conrad or wait for him, wherever he has gone to. She has learnt her lessons the hard way, that heroes were only good at saving the world but not at making women feel good and wonderful. Conrad will be her all purpose man. He can and will make him happy, after all she does not need any Superman.

Even though making mistakes was human and expected of us, she was afraid that making one more could turn her into a Superhuman, then it dawned on her that, she had not considered so many things; things that could just deflate her renewed energy and motivation if it didn’t go well.

What if Conrad is nowhere to be found or finding consolation somewhere in the arms of someone who took advantage of the opportunity when the chance presented itself?

“Opportunity never comes once”, she said to herself and started jogging into the night….

Making sense in a senseless world

“The middle of both sides is the asshole” – Anonymous

 

How logical is it for Marriage Counselors to be filing divorce every now and then? How about animal rights activists adorned in leather foot wears with fine belts strapped around their waist still preaching against the killing of animals for social or economic gains? How sensible is it, if buck doesn’t sound like fuck or fuck sounding like fork, yet are worlds apart when it comes to what they mean and represent? How about the Church admonishing the youth to stick to one sexual partner when it is their preserve to ensure that, they don’t even stick at all or engage in amorous relationships until they are actually ready or Police Officers getting apprehended for stealing the very things they were recruited to safeguard?

Evidently, these and many more examples that might bore you to the marrow do not make sense, unless you find yourself in the position of these unfortunate people who always give us a reason to appear sanctimonious.

Even though I am sometimes compelled to conform to the norms and play to the gallery, the only times I do not feel the need to justify my actions and inactions is when I am in control of myself, and as rare as those moments may be, these moments serves as a platform for me to throw caution to the wind and express myself very well.

These moments; the only time, people’s opinion and observations do not matter to me, the only time I happen to deviate from the norm and fall outside people’s expectations and do not give a damn about their comments and reservations.  The only time I project my imperfections as if they were my best features and attributes (trump card). Sincerely, these transient and amazing but exceptional moments, only leaves in its wake an awesome feeling, making me wish it had lingered on for a while, simply because it turns out to be a moment of yet another personal discovery.

Why do we go through thorns and thistles to pick rotten mangoes we can’t eat anyway? Why do we try to explain ourselves even if nobody seems interested in our explanations? Is it to boost our ego or to be accepted as part of the fray? Do we feel inadequate and inferior enough to be the ones to set the standards? It beats my mind why we try so hard to make sense in a senseless world? 

Somehow, I found myself trying to get the right spelling for a practical joke we used to indulge in, way back from my childhood, which comes in the form of teasing, and the realization dawned on me that, I wasn’t making sense to myself. I also realized that, it was the more reason why we should be guided by prudence to let sleeping dogs lie, unless there is an intruder we want it to bark at. I just could not tell if the game was called shiela, sheela or shila o shila as the intro that always preceded the game, but the consciousness was enlightening all the same. A highlighting moment where I realized that, so many things do not make sense if you look at them critically. Yeah, the closer you look, the less you see.

It’s funny how we sway to and fro like a pendulum because we all want to follow where the road leads. It is even disturbing when the queued up folks who usually don’t have a mind of their own are making it difficult for the daring ones to tear away. They indirectly ask you to be like them or you risk being liked by them. 

Evidently, being a loner is no child’s play and only attributive of those who know where they are coming from and by extension where they are going, which behooves the individual to make up their minds. It is serious business being a loner who doesn’t yield to group-think simply because they trust their instincts and abilities as unique individuals. So, by all means from the year 2014 and beyond, go where you want to go, say what you want to say and be who you want to be as long as you are not cloning anyone.  Cross your t’s and dot your i’s and stop justifying yourself to your audience because they will watch and comment anyway. Just believe in yourself and spearhead your life because being in the middle only makes you an asshole!

Merry Christmas to you, my cherished reader. May you enjoy the yuletide to the max!

An open letter to all Parents

Dear Parents, 

Today is my birthday and to actually commemorate and celebrate the day to its fullest, I have decided to engage you, a dear parent, to highlight on certain issues that are pertinent and relatable to nurturing a child and its dependent growth and progression in life. 

You may start asking yourself what my birthday has to do with the attention I want from you, but,

since I did not erupt from any big bang theory but from your nurturing and guidance till date, I deem it necessary to invite you to this table for reconciliation and to discuss the way forward. As a parent, I know your schedule hardly leaves you time to engage in frivolous ventures like this one, so, I will quickly enumerate my essence of communiqué.

Firstly, I want to believe that most children are conceived out of expectations, hence an array of relatively good plans are arraigned before the child by the parents to enable him or her to grow into a good member of the society and at large, but it is also worthy to note that, children usually have minds of their own and has plans to that effect. What they mostly require from you is guidance and not compulsion to be what you want them to be. 

Compulsion from Parents to their children during school or subject selections or even where their interests are directed only goes a long way to destroy or alter the child’s ego and self-esteem which definitely daunts on him all the days of his life unless otherwise. There is no gainsaying that thoughts of children are infantile and not guarded by experience but as a parent, what you have to do is to discover what his interests are skewed towards, so you can help him nurture it to probably excel in that chosen endeavor.

Chances are that s/he will resent you and all the authorities that sought to rein him and probably alter his purview of what the world should be if you compel him to do anything that will be daunting on him when s/he finally grows up and can make relevant choices for himself, because often times, they are ridiculed and called all sort of names like a moron, a loser and hopeless by their friends or sometimes teachers in ‘your’ chosen interest which can destroy another fine soul for life.

Dear Parent, I need you to note that education is a necessity for our existence as a people but schooling is not a mandate for us. Everyone can get educated in any chosen field be it formally or informally and that child who is not necessarily your child but an individual with a purpose on earth will be on his way to discovering something unprecedented at least within his society.

Every Child is special in his own way and some of them are not enthused about academic laurels and this does not necessarily mean that s/he is dumb. For all you know, his interests are in mechanics, the Sciences (just like we have illiterates manufacturing cars), music, the arts, cookery or just anything which is worth pursuing. And as evidenced in this context, s/he may have failed in class, but certainly not in life. All the child needs to grow in leaps and bounds is love and encouragement to unearth that hidden potential you have failed to see.

Thirdly, I would encourage you as a parent to equip yourself with some child psychology. Please get to know how children think and probably, that may smoothen some of the feuds and lessen your expectation from him. 

Fourthly, I would also like to admonish you to propose the idea of a child psychologist in your child’s school to help him when he gets lost in his world and that of others’. Child Psychologists are missing in most of the Government and Public Schools but prevalent in the private and the Montessori’s and it is time your child also gets to enjoy the services and interactions of someone who has in-depth knowledge about children and the processes they go through as they grow.

You have failed your child all these years because all you do at the Parent-teacher Association (P.T.A) meetings is to bargain and deliberate on their school fees and when next they are going to pay their fees. You don’t know the essence of a child psychologist yourself, hence your inability to even suggest it at the numerous P.T.A’s meetings you have attended. 

A child Psychologist like any member of staff is essential on the school’s pay roll and must be a full time venture because children are mostly at crossroads as to what to do and unfortunately, most of you parents are not friends to these kids but just a parent. You feed them, get them their essentials and tell them what to do until they cease to listen to you anymore and that is unfortunate. You can only relate to your child as a friend if you stop treating or seeing him as your child. Please, the only way you can respect him, ask for his opinions or even give him informed consent is, when you regard him as an individual rather than ‘your’ child. 

It will also be a step in the right direction if as parents, you come together to write to Ghana Education Service to introduce Child psychologists or institute counseling units in your children’s school because children from the environs even have psychological problems than those uppities who have access to these professionals 24/7 and that can start a revolution in our slums and ghettos because regardless of where one is coming from, s/he will be guided and guarded by professional care givers who knows what to do.

There are so many teachers out there who are at post because they have to work and earn or just at post because they have no other option. Some of them have broken dreams, no sense of worth or in near-divorces or even in abusive relationships and it will be unfortunate to leave your children in their care without cross-checking what goes into their schooling exercises.

Additionally, most of these teachers have no fore-knowledge about children’s problems or their

uniqueness thereof or forget to note that they are teaching troubled kids where they could approach them with tact. They just lump them together and regrettably compare the slow learners to that of the fast learners thus distorting their ego and self-esteem which is why they, like any other, needs a counseling unit in the school. It is essential to note that counseling is not for only the married or those who are about to marry. It is to help build their psyche and mental well-being to make their minds stable for receptive studies otherwise his sense of appreciation will be lost and that is a problem you may not be able to contain in the near future.

 

Importantly, I know you often don’t know where your child is at what time just because you and your child do not have any agreed schedule by which s/he should go by and probably because you run a busy schedule. Most parents are close to 100% knowledgeable about where their children could be located because they know, s/he will be watching a favorite program on TV at a certain time, see his or her extra classes teacher at another given time and when s/he is scheduled for bible classes and what have you and that is in the right direction. 

Dear Parent, Chances are that, if you mostly don’t know where your child is at what time, even in absentia, s/he is doing drugs, being abused by some friends who needn’t be around him/her or learning something you are not bound to approve. Please, engage you children and teach them the way they should go otherwise, be prepared to be resented when they grow. Negligence is the reason why most people don’t have cordial relationships with their parents because as people, we learn in retrospect and they get to know that you failed in your duty to actually do the right thing.

Finally, interact with your child and ask his opinions in almost everything with an open mind, even if it won’t be used as a working material and you will see what an outspoken champion or individual you are nurturing, just because you allow him to see the world through his eyes and not that of your lenses. Please, allow the child to carry his own cross and not that of yours, lest you crush his spirit and eventually shut the small enthusiasm he has left.

It is rightly so, because expectations, penchants, aspirations, desires and dreams varies from person to person, so implicitly imposing your expectations on the child (eg. To become a lawyer, Doctor, Pilot etc) because of the competition out there would not augur well for us and be reminded that the likes of Bill Clinton, Albert Einstein and many more were labeled social misfits not knowing they were actually thinking outside the box thus seeing what no one on their timeline could see. In other words, your child could be ahead of his time whose imagination must be allowed to soar, after all knowledge is knowledge whether it can be written or not.