She managed to express something
between a long deep breath and a sigh, after which she gently rolled off his
broad hairy chest to lie a little farther away from him. As soon as she felt
comfortable enough in her new position, she reached for her Smartphone, which
was obviously smarter than her small mind. She was about to browse her
increasing guilt away. For her, the
feeling of not being on the phone for the past thirty minutes or so could be
likened to a neglect of her world for many light years.
Normally, she would have to reply
texts, return missed calls, and look around her Facebook community for gossips,
and to answer messages on Whatsapp, Tango, Viber and anything that makes the
nothingness grandiose, except this time around, she had an objective, which was
to find out if the poor lonely boy she has been flirting with, for the past
three years was still single and waiting on her forever, as he always offered.
She fervently hoped and prayed
with bated breath for the poor thing to still be available as she quickly navigated
into her inbox. She dug into her long list of messaging pals, until she came by
the name she was looking for and frantically typed a “hi” before heaving a sigh.
Even though the green light which indicated one’s presence on line was off, she
silently hoped it was off for a reason. What was she going to say when a “hi”
pops up? Was she going to out-rightly tell him that she was now available or she
would diplomatically elicit information her own way, she deliberated.
She was apprehensive and would
not hesitate to make it evident. Life has changed and it was her turn to want,
to have, and to keep, and it didn’t matter if she was desperate. She was the
one who always looked forward to having a good man; a man she could be proud
of, a man who will assuage for her rolling stone of a Father who never was
there.
Growing up without a real man in
her life, all she envisaged were men playing different roles and doing all sort
of magical things with her. Men who were at his beck and call but only existed in
her mind. She had her own notion of what love should be and had her own idea of
which man she deserved. A checklist she always failed to literally carry about,
which makes her ends up with the same wrong men.
Her idea of a man is the heroic
type who will defeat other men and go for their ladies; the types that pop up
in soaps and the cover of Playboy Magazines with two hour hairstyles painstakingly
preened up like they were stalked. She always envisaged being with a real man
who has his wardrobe lined with fine silks, colorful suits and pairs of shoes
for every occasion. She wanted Denzel Washington, maybe a knight in a shining
armour or Superman himself, forgetting that, they will all be busy saving the
world rather than serving her breakfast in bed.
If she wasn’t this finicky and
too keen on what society would think of her, she would not always end up with
intelligent and attractive but foolish pricks; guys who would like to be
qualified as geniuses instead of the everyday smart she was used to. She always
wanted to be important by being with important people who always ended up
abusing and breaking her self-esteem.
Here she was, with her resolve as
a woman, broken into tiny fragments by the man she was looking up to, as the
husband in the making. Even though his need and sense of carefulness has often
come up as leads, she failed to follow through and is now about to pay for her
negligence. Maybe she fell in love as usual and now reality is jostling her
through the exit door. She has to go. She cannot take it anymore. Only fools
don’t change their minds and she was not one.
She suddenly felt a surge and
thought it was now time to face her fears. It was now time to move on and never
again was she going to allow her discriminating mind to split her reality. Life
is too short to be contemplative. She quickly went through her contacts, as she
bit her lower lip, hoping she had saved the phone number Conrad gave her some
time ago but could not find it. If only she had even called him once, she
thought.
Conrad was one of the men who
held Asantewaa in high esteem and would have done anything to make her happy. Even before the advent of Bruno Mars, Conrad
would have jumped in front of the train for her, but all he got in return for
his noble intent and unadulterated love was to be denigrated and treated like a
rag. To her, it was pretense because Conrad ought to have known that, they did
not belong together. He should have known that she was too classy for him.
“Indeed!”? She thought aloud.
“Take me home” she spat out
“I am definitely doing that soon”
“I mean now”
“Come on, you know that is
ridiculous. We barely started and…”
“I need to leave here, just take
me home now” as she woke up from the bed towards the dresser,
She was going to look for Conrad
or wait for him, wherever he has gone to. She has learnt her lessons the hard
way, that heroes were only good at saving the world but not at making women
feel good and wonderful. Conrad will be her all purpose man. He can and will
make him happy, after all she does not need any Superman.
Even though making mistakes was
human and expected of us, she was afraid that making one more could turn her
into a Superhuman, then it dawned on her that, she had not considered so many
things; things that could just deflate her renewed energy and motivation if it
didn’t go well.
What if Conrad is nowhere to be
found or finding consolation somewhere in the arms of someone who took advantage
of the opportunity when the chance presented itself?
“Opportunity never comes once”,
she said to herself and started jogging into the night….
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