happYness!

Empire state of my mind

He woke up feeling so leathery and confused. It was not the first time he felt like this so he ignored his feelings, checked up with time on his wrist watch which was lying on top of the head of the bed. It was almost a routine but the time was what felt out of place. It was 3 o’clock in the morning and he hadn’t woken up at this hour before. He felt so restless and decided to get off the bed. That was when he realized he was actually sleeping in his new suit he had bought for the celebration of his first anniversary with Anne that never was.

It was not long before he recalled everything that happened the night before. It was so vivid and felt like it was being screened from a projector. ‘wha..t, how did I get home?’ he soliloquized. ‘Why am I doing this to myself, why at all do I keep repeating this ordeal against myself?’ he retorted. He felt so bad knowing he’s failed again, failed at making love work, maybe love was not part of him, all he required and  deserved was pain and pain, after all it is said that pain is love. He got out of bed, stepped out of his clothes and walked into the washroom, naked.

He stepped into the bath, turned on the tap and allowed the cold water to shower on him. He felt good and relished the moment. He decided to let his mind wonder about, to just soar everywhere; he did not want to think about what transpired last night because it was the last thing he would want to waste his mind on. He spent much time under the shower hoping it washed away his memories and eventually the misery that comes with it, but he knew it has not worked before and won’t work this time too so he turned off the tap, toweled himself and walked out of the place. He went straight to his wardrobe, put on his pajamas and headed to his library.

Library was where he drowned his misery, he never believed in his memory just like the saying that goes like “a short pen is more reliable than a long memory”. He brought out his note pad and started writing at random everything that came to his mind.

                                                                             

You are a movement, a revolution on your own; you can’t be stopped and should not allow yourself to be stopped by anyone. Nobody’s dream is paramount over yours and no one is as unique as you regardless of what they embody. Only move with them when your thoughts, dreams and aspirations are in tandem with theirs. Free yourself from the gaols of your mind and do you.

Why are you stressing yourself, moving heaven and hell to be like them, when the secret lies in being different?  Your thoughts must not necessarily be popular to them, otherwise where lies your ingenuity? Where lies your creativity? Are you just going to walk in the trails that were left behind by others who dared to be different?

All you have to do is have love for humanity and discard excessive vanity, stop paying the prize for the mistakes people do continually, pull your acts together, don’t fall prey to all your detractors, stop looking at them and look through them. Their behaviors are phenomenal, so don’t let them catch up on you; don’t let them engulf you with their whims and caprices, lest they will use and abuse you and even refuse you when the day of reckoning dawns. They don’t like you anyway so don’t pretend you like them.

Fear God and revere him. Make your way, you are the best and ignore all the rest , they are just a stain and would fade away soon. You are legendary, u are a savior to those who need you and always remember that you are a light in the dark. Your name is supposed to be a household one, not because you are rich but because you are famous and have touched the lives of so many. Life is crazy than it has ever been so love your life, because until you pay the prize, it is never cheap.

Give them the right answers even if they ask the wrong questions, show them love even if they hate you, just be you and allow them to be whoever they desire to be, make space for all kinds of attitudes and behaviors from others and don’t be judgmental. Don’t give too much advice because it is the number one recipe to being enemies with your friends.  Keep quiet especially if you don’t have anything sensible to say, because you are sometimes audible even without saying a word. Don’t desire what you ought not to have, prefer a loss to a dishonest gain and keep your head high up in the clouds.

Respect everyone you meet and treat them as your superiors. All of them are in your life because they have a lesson to teach, be mindful of the small details for they are the thrust of the lessons they are supposed to impart into you. Since old fishermen won’t die and will only smell like a fish, don’t pay heed to what they will say about you.

He kept scribbling away his mind until he was interrupted by a sound which he recognized as the ring tone he has assigned to Anne’s calls. He checked his time and realized he’s been sitting there for the past hour. How fast time flies when you using your time profitably. He ignored the call but the call kept coming through and needed his attention. All attempts to continue writing has failed him no matter how concentrated he was. He cursed and loathed the effect Anne had over him and decided this was a test of his lifetime, a time to put into practice what he was writing. ‘I won’t pick up the call’ he said to himself and continued to write nothing. So he decided to go and pick the call.

                                                                              

He went to the adjoining room, his bedroom and could not find the phone on the night stand where it usually rested the whole night through. The ringing was coming from the direction of where his suit lay on the floor. Before he could get the phone out of his inner pocket of his jacket, it stopped ringing. Now he held the phone in his hands praying silently that the call should come through again. Even heavens know how much he has missed Anne, his fiancée. She was the only friend he had because that is how she wanted it; they shared everything together including time, the most reason why he could not forgive himself for what happened last night. Life was bliss for them except their occasionally quarrels which did not even go beyond a day.

He sat on the edge of the bed contemplating if he should call her back, ‘No!’ he exclaimed as if he was answering someone. ‘Why should I call her when she is the one to be doing the calling?’ ‘But she just called overly without an answer’ he answered himself. One thing was clear to him by now and that is he was not done loving her, not even started, she was supposed to be his wife and the mama of his babies, so why is this happening to him.

While thinking of what to do in that state of confusion, his phone vibrated indicating a receipt of a txt message. His instinct told him outright who the sender was. He flipped the phone opened to access the txt only to find out it was from his network provider informing and instructing him on how to vote online for his favorite contestant in a beauty pageant.

This rudeness from his network providers in the wee hours of the day added so much to his frustration that he left the phone on the bed and started off to the library. As soon as he crossed halfway through the room, the phone rang again. All his senses jumped into action, he covered the small distance between where he stood and the bed in like a micro second so as not to miss the call again. He needed to talk to Anne. She needed to explain what happened the night before, how he ended up sleeping in his suit, how they could not spend the much anticipated night together.

‘Hello’ he said into the phone with a bated breath so as not to give Anne any impression of apprehension and then the call dropped. ‘Shit’ he cursed. He stood there for about what seemed like ages and decided to call since he was the one wanting answers to his so many questions. He called her line and the line was dead. He could not believe this, Anne’s phone was off and there was nothing he could do about it than to drive to her residence which his ego won’t allow him to do now. He was now suffering from the effects of not picking her incessant calls.

As he sat there contemplating what to do if he ever gets hold of Anne, the call came through after about thirty minutes and he picked up instantly. Before he could say hello into the phone, a male voice from the other end of the phone was warning him to stay away from Anne, his childhood sweetheart. All he could manage was to open his mouth in awe as he listened to the arrogant voice of the lucky man who was with Anne at the ungodly hour. Things have taken a dramatic turn and he didn’t know where to start from. How come he only listened through the rude conversation he just had on the phone, the most longest and terrifying phone conversation he has ever had, but to think that it was about Anne sent chills down his body. He went to his closet, looked for some clean cloth, picked up his car keys and stormed out of the house in pursuit of HappYness!