Sexing with the Christian

when is it right to have sex, especially for the married couples who are making so much or too little sex break their marriages? 

Should you give in to your spouse’s demands for sex just because the bible has decreed that the body you wield is not yours, but that of your significant other?

How can we salvage the perversion and its related pornography making rounds in the house of the Lord?

Society has undergone an acute change depending on your knowledge or lack of it. People are being encouraged to be vocal and to possibly lay bare every thought that passes through their minds all in the name of expressing one's fundamental human rights - irrespective of whether it makes sense or not. Just say it by all means...

It has even become a serious situation in our modern dispensation where women engage in more lucrative and sophisticated ventures than their male counterparts who have become emotional - a feat they have achieved above their forebears who did all the menial work and nothing much. Either these forebears did not really use their creative faculties that much or were not allowed by the men to use them or both. There could even be more contributive factors but that will be treated under a different subject matter at a different time.

Even though these changes can be grouped into the positives and negatives, they are ghastly weighing down the law and order and even the trends of old. This change irrespective of what one believes in has influenced society and by extension, our lives.

Be it a Christian, an atheist, a Buddhist and the other millions of religions that abound, human beings are endowed with varying degrees of energy and physique which directly bears on how much we can put in and even take out. For instance, when emotions blind two different people at the extreme ends of the gender parameter to come together as a man and a woman, coupled with desires to match, then your guess would be as good as mine.

 

As much as there is no gainsaying why a man and a woman would want to relate intimately, it is also imperative to note that two different people cannot always be ready for sex at the same time, which makes it difficult for couples to sustain a relationship in many cases. And it is rightfully so because the degrees of the difference in timing and its related tardiness becomes a surety that erodes the very foundation of the union. Simply, it breeds mistrust issues.

It is however interesting to know that, aside energy, desire, experiences, age, culture, expectations, availability, reciprocity and accessibility which influences how much we are willing to have sex, work issues have also waded in to confound the already labouring situation. This means, there is the probability that one of the couple is always almost tired or disinterested in sex which breeds apathy out of the constant rejection or inability to give or be ready, even when it matters most.

You would then realize that the Inability of one of them to respond "how deep?" when asked to dig, becomes the Achilles heels of the union. 

As a matter of fact, The Bible has failed to prescribe how sex should be practiced and all the other nuances regarding it, but has explicitly stated that sex is for procreation and shall remain the preserve of the married but it appears the unmarried Christians are having it too. There is even the likelihood that they are having it more than the married couples because of their zest, energy and mostly their purpose, which is the pleasure they derive from engaging in it.

For a Christian, it must be very difficult being caught between your penchants and God's directives even though they have from time immemorial proven how well versed they are in selective pragmatism - doing only what pleases them and relegating the ones they can’t do to the back. 

Why is Christendom looking on for their very foundation (future leaders) to crumble? Have they given up on the fight to ensure that every chosen one upholds the tenets of the Christian faith? Has Christendom being swallowed up by the world out there or they don’t even believe the gospel anymore? Something tells me, they are putting God to test to ascertain if he is really the true forgiving God he claims to be.

Thanks to the power of technology, sex is now commonplace like a flicker of fire in a mud hut razing down nations of which the Christendom is a minute part, so how are they going to survive this inferno when the opposite is what they are expected to do? 

Sometimes, it appears the Christian is the most ignoramus and most confused person to ever walk the face of the earth but that would be under-estimating their presence and what can become of them.

To be continued…

The Writer tweets @vilejah

The strange bedfellows; Love and Lust

We make so much noise about love and hardly talk about lust and that is a fact! We relegate lust to the background at the expense of love; meanwhile the latter is just a medium through which we subtly or consciously express our lust.

We like to lie to ourselves to deepen the mystery simply because it makes us feel good about ourselves. It is even assuring to think of ourselves as important in other people’s lives by continually reminding ourselves that they love us when we don’t even know what their definition of what love really is. We don’t know what people mean by love because love is intangible and relative according to each other’s experiences and expectations but we all can at least define lust and get it right. For instance, most relationships that first went through the bedroom before ending up in marriage had a lusting factor attributed to them. That is not love, it was lust expressed through love and other attachment deficiencies…

We consciously or unconsciously lust with so many people without an iota of love. That intense feeling we conceive when we see and feel attracted to people from the opposite sex. The aura and the attraction of their alluring persona which activates our pervasive minds to quickly or slowly undress and have sex with them in different ways; ways we cannot even make manifest even if we are given a comfortable turf to make it happen.

Society kind of abhors those who explicitly talks about sex and even label them as perverts while dwelling on love because we as a people without a doubt feels comfortable talking about the things we don’t understand and can actually speak of. 

How do you love someone and still cheat on them whether it only entailed flirts, kissing and sex itself? How then do people agree to derive or give sexual favors and still claim, they don’t love them or are just friends with benefits? Again, how does too much or lack of sex constraints a relationship that is built on love and I have heard people praise pink lips unend and all these do not qualify as love in my opinion. I have heard folks say and do all kinds of things that set your mind thinking what really the deal is?

At this juncture, I think it is even safe to say love is just an idea because we only have an idea of what it is or should be while lust is the real deal because certainly, a sample of five people defining love will result in five different definitions whereas same cannot be said for lust simply because the latter is factual and precise. 

Consequently, most people have indulged in sex without openly discussing it for once except being equipped with all the hazy and wrong notions about what love is, which eventually lands them in rock-strewn arenas - getting both wrong. 

My bother however is why we like to relegate the pervasive and fundamental ideas that wholly make us while cloaking ourselves with ideas that are not sustainable and substantial to say the least and where do we draw the fine line between love and lust? Thus far, if we all cannot have one simple definition for what love is or should be just like lust, then no one has the moral rights to actually advise or coax another to love their way.

And just so you know, what people mean when they express their love for you is “aside everything you know and think about love, can we have sex?” and this subtle means of expressing our lustful desire is not going to stop anytime soon until we as a society have eroded the ambiguous usage of the term love and fine-tune the role lust plays in these love-lust dichotomy.  

Follow the writer on Twitter @vilejah

 

The one-night stand

She managed to express something between a long deep breath and a sigh, after which she gently rolled off his broad hairy chest to lie a little farther away from him. As soon as she felt comfortable enough in her new position, she reached for her Smartphone, which was obviously smarter than her small mind. She was about to browse her increasing guilt away. For her, the feeling of not being on the phone for the past thirty minutes or so could be likened to a neglect of her world for many light years.

Normally, she would have to reply texts, return missed calls, and look around her Facebook community for gossips, and to answer messages on Whatsapp, Tango, Viber and anything that makes the nothingness grandiose, except this time around, she had an objective, which was to find out if the poor lonely boy she has been flirting with, for the past three years was still single and waiting on her forever, as he always offered. 

She fervently hoped and prayed with bated breath for the poor thing to still be available as she quickly navigated into her inbox. She dug into her long list of messaging pals, until she came by the name she was looking for and frantically typed a “hi” before heaving a sigh. Even though the green light which indicated one’s presence on line was off, she silently hoped it was off for a reason. What was she going to say when a “hi” pops up? Was she going to out-rightly tell him that she was now available or she would diplomatically elicit information her own way, she deliberated.

She was apprehensive and would not hesitate to make it evident. Life has changed and it was her turn to want, to have, and to keep, and it didn’t matter if she was desperate. She was the one who always looked forward to having a good man; a man she could be proud of, a man who will assuage for her rolling stone of a Father who never was there. 

Growing up without a real man in her life, all she envisaged were men playing different roles and doing all sort of magical things with her. Men who were at his beck and call but only existed in her mind. She had her own notion of what love should be and had her own idea of which man she deserved. A checklist she always failed to literally carry about, which makes her ends up with the same wrong men. 

Her idea of a man is the heroic type who will defeat other men and go for their ladies; the types that pop up in soaps and the cover of Playboy Magazines with two hour hairstyles painstakingly preened up like they were stalked. She always envisaged being with a real man who has his wardrobe lined with fine silks, colorful suits and pairs of shoes for every occasion. She wanted Denzel Washington, maybe a knight in a shining armour or Superman himself, forgetting that, they will all be busy saving the world rather than serving her breakfast in bed.

If she wasn’t this finicky and too keen on what society would think of her, she would not always end up with intelligent and attractive but foolish pricks; guys who would like to be qualified as geniuses instead of the everyday smart she was used to. She always wanted to be important by being with important people who always ended up abusing and breaking her self-esteem.

Here she was, with her resolve as a woman, broken into tiny fragments by the man she was looking up to, as the husband in the making. Even though his need and sense of carefulness has often come up as leads, she failed to follow through and is now about to pay for her negligence. Maybe she fell in love as usual and now reality is jostling her through the exit door. She has to go. She cannot take it anymore. Only fools don’t change their minds and she was not one.

She suddenly felt a surge and thought it was now time to face her fears. It was now time to move on and never again was she going to allow her discriminating mind to split her reality. Life is too short to be contemplative. She quickly went through her contacts, as she bit her lower lip, hoping she had saved the phone number Conrad gave her some time ago but could not find it. If only she had even called him once, she thought.

Conrad was one of the men who held Asantewaa in high esteem and would have done anything to make her happy.  Even before the advent of Bruno Mars, Conrad would have jumped in front of the train for her, but all he got in return for his noble intent and unadulterated love was to be denigrated and treated like a rag. To her, it was pretense because Conrad ought to have known that, they did not belong together. He should have known that she was too classy for him.

“Indeed!”? She thought aloud. 

 “Take me home” she spat out

“I am definitely doing that soon”

“I mean now”

“Come on, you know that is ridiculous. We barely started and…”

“I need to leave here, just take me home now” as she woke up from the bed towards the dresser,

carrying her pair of styled jeans, a yellow lousy blouse and a pair of flat-heeled shoes she picked at the foot-end of the bed. She dropped her things on the stool in front of the vanity set and quickly slipped into her underwear, followed by her Jeans. She hastily wore her dress and walked briskly to the slightly opened door and slammed it behind her as she walked out into the silent and cold whispering night to the amazement of Mr. Playboy who does not mind anyway.

She was going to look for Conrad or wait for him, wherever he has gone to. She has learnt her lessons the hard way, that heroes were only good at saving the world but not at making women feel good and wonderful. Conrad will be her all purpose man. He can and will make him happy, after all she does not need any Superman.

Even though making mistakes was human and expected of us, she was afraid that making one more could turn her into a Superhuman, then it dawned on her that, she had not considered so many things; things that could just deflate her renewed energy and motivation if it didn’t go well.

What if Conrad is nowhere to be found or finding consolation somewhere in the arms of someone who took advantage of the opportunity when the chance presented itself?

“Opportunity never comes once”, she said to herself and started jogging into the night….

Sex, Custom and the Law

Life is hard on all fronts trying to create a peaceful co-existence between fellow humans and to make ends meet, but trying to find balance between our biological needs which is almost a necessity and what should be, according to some group of persons can be more complicating and stressful. 

I have a penchant to sleep with a lot of women everywhere and every time my biological and emotional needs have to be satisfied, so as to create that homeostasis my body needs to function well in this crazy world we continually strive hard to complicate every day, but boy, do I get to make manifest my wild imaginations and desires?  I just bottle them up and I know that pretty shortly, my senses will explode and leave me in many tiny fragments.

Needless to say but, just like each of you reading my thoughts right now, I desire and lust after women almost so well that, it feels like a second nature. The ease and flair with which the underlying pervasive trait comes to the fore is even exhibited well when I meet a lady who likes my style. 

In the not too distant past, one of the singular acts among others that made men manly was having two or more sexual partners designated as wives,  but fast forwarded to now, it is a taboo and in most cases, a violation of the criminal code to have more than one sexual partners and the progress we have made thus far only makes you want to ask for the memo that mandated the smooth transition and initiation of the emasculation process. 

It may be a conservative way to see it, but I believe nothing happens in a vacuum. Everything has antecedents and it would be a fatal mistake if we as a generation, would consciously break part of the chain, probably because it is perceived as the weakest in the link. History, as a summary of antecedents has informed us about times and generations past, which is how come we will also be stringed together in the chain of happenings when our descendants take over from us and if the aforementioned paragraph is justifiable enough, then please, help me list the names of all the great men like King David, King Solomon, Abraham, the Pope and your forefather who all have had more than one woman or sexual partners at one time or the other?

Basically sex is for procreation, so why does it necessarily come with all these warped emotional leanings? Have we complicated the sex idea? Sometimes you realize that it is not even an issue of the number of times we have sex or the unavailability of it as depicted in the situation where the married are almost always cheating on their spouses. This and a lot more factors begs the question”why is it difficult for the married to simply stay with their spouses” since there is that natural pass, according to social norms and other statute laws. We are also told that, married folks are supposed to drink from their wells till they run dry, so what has happened? Issues!

Granted that I was married to just one of the numerous women who could have freely allowed me to do a thing or two with them, I am still very sure that, there would be days where my beautiful wife would decline my call to commune for so many reasons, among which would be tiredness, emotional instability, the need to enjoy serenity, the need to be with one’s self or probably out of sync, coupled with my annoyance and same would have applied too, if I was just picking women at random based on attractiveness, the need to cling and to feel accepted. 

However, no matter high the probability for one out of ten women who could have wanted to have sex with me on days where my ‘wife’ becomes inaccessible, I still guess that, the deal to even have a one-night stand is non-negotiable and a no-go area in our society. it is even funny when She is not ready to have sex or probably sick and indisposed, or may have traveled or all the aforementioned factors may still be applying, but the mere mentioning of something weird, such as that alone is enough to spark the third world war so you probably have to do is to resort to masturbation or praying. E hard o!

How many days, months or years should the willing spouse wait should all these prevailing conditions linger on? I sometimes shudder at what can become of us should our thought processes develop in the direction it is headed to, but I still believe in humanity to find a balance therein.

I always feel myself reveling in a claustrophobic world where I can’t live my life. There is so much limitations and dictations against all odds and in a supposedly liberal world which allows men to have anal sex but other men can’t have one or more sexual partners and it kills me to continually conform to some one time emotionally imbalanced and transient thought of someone’s utopia. Why do I keep fighting between the need to gratify my sexual desires and the need to conform, which is continually conflicting anyway?

Can Science answer how many times a man should or can have sex? I am just being hopeful it does for me to be a lot more hopeful because I know it can also provide the answer to how many sexual partners we are mandated to have. 

How can I forget that a society without highly esteemed laws that are so valued is soon thrown into a state of anarchy, but did we actually pass a law which binds one man to one woman even long after their desire to cohabit, procreate or just mate for the sake of it has ended? Evidently, no one person can satisfy our wants by being everything we have ever wanted in a mate or spouse, so why can’t we allow ourselves to arrange it in such a way that, a man can go for one woman who is blessed with exceptional culinary skills, another one endowed with a great sense of fashion, and the other with great sense of humour and oratory power and another with very delicate and beautiful features like that of an Akuaba doll?

Wouldn’t this make up for what we want rather than the compulsion to stick to one clueless life partner even after the realization that our fore decisions requires a little altering? What happened to the age old wisdom of only fools sticking to their earlier illogical decisions? I know we are living in dangerous times; times when it is easier to say we are all angels than to say we are fools and ill-willed, but why these unnecessary theatrics? 

How long are we going to arraign the numerous men and women before our guilty selves for having consensual sex because some group of people decides to call it scandalous? Ridiculous! So many great men and women have been publicly shamed and chastised regardless of their good deeds and attributes simply for having sex they practically consented to. Such a hopeless situation where those with sin are the first ones to be casting stones at the accused.

How long are we going to look on for homes to be disintegrated just because one fallible man or woman could not maintain a one-time balance between societal ethics or values and their primal biological needs? We move heaven and earth to encourage the not-caught-yet spouse to break away from the sinful other and where do they go, to marry another person and live happily ever after, no?

How about imagining an utopian society where the need to marry one or more wives or keeping other women otherwise known as concubines would be an individual choice based on some conditions rather than a collective one? Alcohol consumption is legal for everyone above eighteen and lower than that threshold in modern and extreme cases but it is not everyone who consumes alcohol so how different would it be when it comes to marriage. It still would be dependent on some factors like handsomeness or beauty, attitude, the ability to take care of multiple partners among others. We claim differences with regards to orientation, bloodlines, and environmental influences and still compel ourselves to do things the same way. Are you not tired of living in a cloned society where diversity and the need to be one’s self is always preached but not adhered to or I am just an incorrigible deviant? 

Dear reader, I hope you are not just yet judging my asking all these rhetoric, when all you can do is to take off a little time of your busy schedule that does not allow you to ask these kind of questions let alone come by answers to help me find answers to my questions and I just may stop indoctrinating those who are probably nodding and siding with my expressed thoughts. 

Alright, enough of the cynicism. I am sure the need to marry and stick to the one-man-one-spouse project is to create a just world where one’s partner would be the most beautiful thing that has ever beheld their eyes and also become the panacea to their numerous relationship and sexual needs. These spouses would always be there for and with us where bonds of varying degrees would be formed which we also refer to as, over-dependence. They would be everything ranging from that hairy-chested man who dresses to kill and at the same time, the most God-fearing person you have ever known. They would also be that hard working guy who would also have time to spare walking you through the park and still have time to work out their six-pack and tone up like the Vitruvian man. 

The question however is, is the one-man-one-spouse program working? Do we have that trouble-free and just world full of lovers who understands the very purpose of their being together? Sex can pass for one of the many causes that have killed men the most yet it is always met with closed-lips, uncanny attitude and funny postures.

Personally, I don’t cheat when I’m in a relationship which is almost all the time because I try to always make it up to them by playing the role they offer me in their lives. What I do is to protect their feelings by dishing out the right cards while holding the ace close to my heart. Yes, I do not cheat in a relationship; rather, I find myself sinning against God. If my religious inclination is still something to go by, then it is God, who has asked us not to fornicate or commit adultery, which I should be answerable to when it comes to the sexual institution and its related escapades. He is the one I have been ignorantly outsmarting, not my woman and I hope you got that? 

Mandating people to vow to keep to a spouse before all men or swearing the oath of celibacy, while keeping (other) women at the blind side of society is just not cool and smacks of hypocrisy. Even though I stand to be corrected, I think people should not be compelled to tow such hard lines which leave them scathed and insane. In other words and against the backdrop of all that has happened in the name of sex, we have to erode all the regressive and stifling laws or make some exemptions to allow responsible and capable people to satisfy their elevated animal instincts.

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