Sexing with the Christian

when is it right to have sex, especially for the married couples who are making so much or too little sex break their marriages? 

Should you give in to your spouse’s demands for sex just because the bible has decreed that the body you wield is not yours, but that of your significant other?

How can we salvage the perversion and its related pornography making rounds in the house of the Lord?

Society has undergone an acute change depending on your knowledge or lack of it. People are being encouraged to be vocal and to possibly lay bare every thought that passes through their minds all in the name of expressing one's fundamental human rights - irrespective of whether it makes sense or not. Just say it by all means...

It has even become a serious situation in our modern dispensation where women engage in more lucrative and sophisticated ventures than their male counterparts who have become emotional - a feat they have achieved above their forebears who did all the menial work and nothing much. Either these forebears did not really use their creative faculties that much or were not allowed by the men to use them or both. There could even be more contributive factors but that will be treated under a different subject matter at a different time.

Even though these changes can be grouped into the positives and negatives, they are ghastly weighing down the law and order and even the trends of old. This change irrespective of what one believes in has influenced society and by extension, our lives.

Be it a Christian, an atheist, a Buddhist and the other millions of religions that abound, human beings are endowed with varying degrees of energy and physique which directly bears on how much we can put in and even take out. For instance, when emotions blind two different people at the extreme ends of the gender parameter to come together as a man and a woman, coupled with desires to match, then your guess would be as good as mine.

 

As much as there is no gainsaying why a man and a woman would want to relate intimately, it is also imperative to note that two different people cannot always be ready for sex at the same time, which makes it difficult for couples to sustain a relationship in many cases. And it is rightfully so because the degrees of the difference in timing and its related tardiness becomes a surety that erodes the very foundation of the union. Simply, it breeds mistrust issues.

It is however interesting to know that, aside energy, desire, experiences, age, culture, expectations, availability, reciprocity and accessibility which influences how much we are willing to have sex, work issues have also waded in to confound the already labouring situation. This means, there is the probability that one of the couple is always almost tired or disinterested in sex which breeds apathy out of the constant rejection or inability to give or be ready, even when it matters most.

You would then realize that the Inability of one of them to respond "how deep?" when asked to dig, becomes the Achilles heels of the union. 

As a matter of fact, The Bible has failed to prescribe how sex should be practiced and all the other nuances regarding it, but has explicitly stated that sex is for procreation and shall remain the preserve of the married but it appears the unmarried Christians are having it too. There is even the likelihood that they are having it more than the married couples because of their zest, energy and mostly their purpose, which is the pleasure they derive from engaging in it.

For a Christian, it must be very difficult being caught between your penchants and God's directives even though they have from time immemorial proven how well versed they are in selective pragmatism - doing only what pleases them and relegating the ones they can’t do to the back. 

Why is Christendom looking on for their very foundation (future leaders) to crumble? Have they given up on the fight to ensure that every chosen one upholds the tenets of the Christian faith? Has Christendom being swallowed up by the world out there or they don’t even believe the gospel anymore? Something tells me, they are putting God to test to ascertain if he is really the true forgiving God he claims to be.

Thanks to the power of technology, sex is now commonplace like a flicker of fire in a mud hut razing down nations of which the Christendom is a minute part, so how are they going to survive this inferno when the opposite is what they are expected to do? 

Sometimes, it appears the Christian is the most ignoramus and most confused person to ever walk the face of the earth but that would be under-estimating their presence and what can become of them.

To be continued…

The Writer tweets @vilejah

The strange bedfellows; Love and Lust

We make so much noise about love and hardly talk about lust and that is a fact! We relegate lust to the background at the expense of love; meanwhile the latter is just a medium through which we subtly or consciously express our lust.

We like to lie to ourselves to deepen the mystery simply because it makes us feel good about ourselves. It is even assuring to think of ourselves as important in other people’s lives by continually reminding ourselves that they love us when we don’t even know what their definition of what love really is. We don’t know what people mean by love because love is intangible and relative according to each other’s experiences and expectations but we all can at least define lust and get it right. For instance, most relationships that first went through the bedroom before ending up in marriage had a lusting factor attributed to them. That is not love, it was lust expressed through love and other attachment deficiencies…

We consciously or unconsciously lust with so many people without an iota of love. That intense feeling we conceive when we see and feel attracted to people from the opposite sex. The aura and the attraction of their alluring persona which activates our pervasive minds to quickly or slowly undress and have sex with them in different ways; ways we cannot even make manifest even if we are given a comfortable turf to make it happen.

Society kind of abhors those who explicitly talks about sex and even label them as perverts while dwelling on love because we as a people without a doubt feels comfortable talking about the things we don’t understand and can actually speak of. 

How do you love someone and still cheat on them whether it only entailed flirts, kissing and sex itself? How then do people agree to derive or give sexual favors and still claim, they don’t love them or are just friends with benefits? Again, how does too much or lack of sex constraints a relationship that is built on love and I have heard people praise pink lips unend and all these do not qualify as love in my opinion. I have heard folks say and do all kinds of things that set your mind thinking what really the deal is?

At this juncture, I think it is even safe to say love is just an idea because we only have an idea of what it is or should be while lust is the real deal because certainly, a sample of five people defining love will result in five different definitions whereas same cannot be said for lust simply because the latter is factual and precise. 

Consequently, most people have indulged in sex without openly discussing it for once except being equipped with all the hazy and wrong notions about what love is, which eventually lands them in rock-strewn arenas - getting both wrong. 

My bother however is why we like to relegate the pervasive and fundamental ideas that wholly make us while cloaking ourselves with ideas that are not sustainable and substantial to say the least and where do we draw the fine line between love and lust? Thus far, if we all cannot have one simple definition for what love is or should be just like lust, then no one has the moral rights to actually advise or coax another to love their way.

And just so you know, what people mean when they express their love for you is “aside everything you know and think about love, can we have sex?” and this subtle means of expressing our lustful desire is not going to stop anytime soon until we as a society have eroded the ambiguous usage of the term love and fine-tune the role lust plays in these love-lust dichotomy.  

Follow the writer on Twitter @vilejah

 

The one-night stand

She managed to express something between a long deep breath and a sigh, after which she gently rolled off his broad hairy chest to lie a little farther away from him. As soon as she felt comfortable enough in her new position, she reached for her Smartphone, which was obviously smarter than her small mind. She was about to browse her increasing guilt away. For her, the feeling of not being on the phone for the past thirty minutes or so could be likened to a neglect of her world for many light years.

Normally, she would have to reply texts, return missed calls, and look around her Facebook community for gossips, and to answer messages on Whatsapp, Tango, Viber and anything that makes the nothingness grandiose, except this time around, she had an objective, which was to find out if the poor lonely boy she has been flirting with, for the past three years was still single and waiting on her forever, as he always offered. 

She fervently hoped and prayed with bated breath for the poor thing to still be available as she quickly navigated into her inbox. She dug into her long list of messaging pals, until she came by the name she was looking for and frantically typed a “hi” before heaving a sigh. Even though the green light which indicated one’s presence on line was off, she silently hoped it was off for a reason. What was she going to say when a “hi” pops up? Was she going to out-rightly tell him that she was now available or she would diplomatically elicit information her own way, she deliberated.

She was apprehensive and would not hesitate to make it evident. Life has changed and it was her turn to want, to have, and to keep, and it didn’t matter if she was desperate. She was the one who always looked forward to having a good man; a man she could be proud of, a man who will assuage for her rolling stone of a Father who never was there. 

Growing up without a real man in her life, all she envisaged were men playing different roles and doing all sort of magical things with her. Men who were at his beck and call but only existed in her mind. She had her own notion of what love should be and had her own idea of which man she deserved. A checklist she always failed to literally carry about, which makes her ends up with the same wrong men. 

Her idea of a man is the heroic type who will defeat other men and go for their ladies; the types that pop up in soaps and the cover of Playboy Magazines with two hour hairstyles painstakingly preened up like they were stalked. She always envisaged being with a real man who has his wardrobe lined with fine silks, colorful suits and pairs of shoes for every occasion. She wanted Denzel Washington, maybe a knight in a shining armour or Superman himself, forgetting that, they will all be busy saving the world rather than serving her breakfast in bed.

If she wasn’t this finicky and too keen on what society would think of her, she would not always end up with intelligent and attractive but foolish pricks; guys who would like to be qualified as geniuses instead of the everyday smart she was used to. She always wanted to be important by being with important people who always ended up abusing and breaking her self-esteem.

Here she was, with her resolve as a woman, broken into tiny fragments by the man she was looking up to, as the husband in the making. Even though his need and sense of carefulness has often come up as leads, she failed to follow through and is now about to pay for her negligence. Maybe she fell in love as usual and now reality is jostling her through the exit door. She has to go. She cannot take it anymore. Only fools don’t change their minds and she was not one.

She suddenly felt a surge and thought it was now time to face her fears. It was now time to move on and never again was she going to allow her discriminating mind to split her reality. Life is too short to be contemplative. She quickly went through her contacts, as she bit her lower lip, hoping she had saved the phone number Conrad gave her some time ago but could not find it. If only she had even called him once, she thought.

Conrad was one of the men who held Asantewaa in high esteem and would have done anything to make her happy.  Even before the advent of Bruno Mars, Conrad would have jumped in front of the train for her, but all he got in return for his noble intent and unadulterated love was to be denigrated and treated like a rag. To her, it was pretense because Conrad ought to have known that, they did not belong together. He should have known that she was too classy for him.

“Indeed!”? She thought aloud. 

 “Take me home” she spat out

“I am definitely doing that soon”

“I mean now”

“Come on, you know that is ridiculous. We barely started and…”

“I need to leave here, just take me home now” as she woke up from the bed towards the dresser,

carrying her pair of styled jeans, a yellow lousy blouse and a pair of flat-heeled shoes she picked at the foot-end of the bed. She dropped her things on the stool in front of the vanity set and quickly slipped into her underwear, followed by her Jeans. She hastily wore her dress and walked briskly to the slightly opened door and slammed it behind her as she walked out into the silent and cold whispering night to the amazement of Mr. Playboy who does not mind anyway.

She was going to look for Conrad or wait for him, wherever he has gone to. She has learnt her lessons the hard way, that heroes were only good at saving the world but not at making women feel good and wonderful. Conrad will be her all purpose man. He can and will make him happy, after all she does not need any Superman.

Even though making mistakes was human and expected of us, she was afraid that making one more could turn her into a Superhuman, then it dawned on her that, she had not considered so many things; things that could just deflate her renewed energy and motivation if it didn’t go well.

What if Conrad is nowhere to be found or finding consolation somewhere in the arms of someone who took advantage of the opportunity when the chance presented itself?

“Opportunity never comes once”, she said to herself and started jogging into the night….

Sex: the controlling factor

Yes! Sex controls you and I. It dictates our feelings and by extension, where we go, what we do, which dress and fashion sense we wear. My mom is probably stuck with my Dad simply because they had sex, no, most likely because they gave birth to me, no, it possibly could be, because they got married. Sometimes, we don’t even know which one comes first, but unlike what pertains in our modern dispensation; I am cocksure, they did not jump the gun. 

Maybe these days of being online does not give anyone the luxury to really care anymore. Things have changed, but how long have they been like this? Perhaps, I have been oblivious of the fact that it has been same way since the days of Adam, but, thanks to whoever threw me the curve ball, I have finally arrived.

If you have noticed the sharp and radical contrast that characterizes a relationship when it transits into intimacy, then you probably may have had a firsthand experience with the context and situation I am trying to depict here. Even though, it is not always accompanied by a rude awakening we realize that, we are either being audited or queried or find ourselves doing same to our partners.

They ask us where we are and even deem it their preserve to know. Sometimes, we have to tell them our plans ahead of its implementation. We even feel less important in their lives when they don’t involve us in decision making processes, simply because of the sex factor. Either their fashion and sixth sense rubs on us or they subtly influence us to pick it up or in rare cases, allow us to be.  in the case of religiosity, their degree of inclination and how we fit into it generally becomes a warfare.

And to think that, these hitherto sex partners were meek, tolerant, understanding, self-sufficient, accommodating and probably independent thinkers before sex only makes it unintelligible. When people have sex, they become emotionally attached to their partners except in handful cases where they detach. We try to subconsciously demarcate our space in their lives and vice versa. We assume a partial sense of ownership which is why we become territorial and do not allow others to come around.

We have a propensity to think that, our partners are answerable to our sometimes miserable questions just to satisfy our ego which we don’t let go, even if the writings on the wall seem so legible for our comprehension. As conflicting as it can be, we subconsciously find ourselves wearing and choosing their favorite colors, appreciating and singing the songs they listen to and also conforming to their ideal definition of what their ideal man or woman should be – as we take a long hike into what their predispositions were.

I really do not care what you are thinking or which category you may have classified yourself to be in, but we all become stressed towards people we have sexual relationships with, several times before the sun sets, sometimes over petty issues like jealousy, their commitment or lack of it, simple dis-agreements over what to eat, wear, who to associate with or even where to do the association. Then, you would turn to yourself and ask, why all these unnecessary drama?

Dear reader, the answer herein may seem oversimplified but it is simply because you guys have had sex or still having a sexual relationship and if you are wondering why these drama and attitude of yours does not extend to your other friends you are yet to experience intimacy with or even in extreme cases, your Ex, then we are on the verge of discovering the answer together.  We may almost be concluding this article by agreeing that, sex controls our lives, so be careful who you initiate intimacy with.