Sex, Custom and the Law

Life is hard on all fronts trying to create a peaceful co-existence between fellow humans and to make ends meet, but trying to find balance between our biological needs which is almost a necessity and what should be, according to some group of persons can be more complicating and stressful. 

I have a penchant to sleep with a lot of women everywhere and every time my biological and emotional needs have to be satisfied, so as to create that homeostasis my body needs to function well in this crazy world we continually strive hard to complicate every day, but boy, do I get to make manifest my wild imaginations and desires?  I just bottle them up and I know that pretty shortly, my senses will explode and leave me in many tiny fragments.

Needless to say but, just like each of you reading my thoughts right now, I desire and lust after women almost so well that, it feels like a second nature. The ease and flair with which the underlying pervasive trait comes to the fore is even exhibited well when I meet a lady who likes my style. 

In the not too distant past, one of the singular acts among others that made men manly was having two or more sexual partners designated as wives,  but fast forwarded to now, it is a taboo and in most cases, a violation of the criminal code to have more than one sexual partners and the progress we have made thus far only makes you want to ask for the memo that mandated the smooth transition and initiation of the emasculation process. 

It may be a conservative way to see it, but I believe nothing happens in a vacuum. Everything has antecedents and it would be a fatal mistake if we as a generation, would consciously break part of the chain, probably because it is perceived as the weakest in the link. History, as a summary of antecedents has informed us about times and generations past, which is how come we will also be stringed together in the chain of happenings when our descendants take over from us and if the aforementioned paragraph is justifiable enough, then please, help me list the names of all the great men like King David, King Solomon, Abraham, the Pope and your forefather who all have had more than one woman or sexual partners at one time or the other?

Basically sex is for procreation, so why does it necessarily come with all these warped emotional leanings? Have we complicated the sex idea? Sometimes you realize that it is not even an issue of the number of times we have sex or the unavailability of it as depicted in the situation where the married are almost always cheating on their spouses. This and a lot more factors begs the question”why is it difficult for the married to simply stay with their spouses” since there is that natural pass, according to social norms and other statute laws. We are also told that, married folks are supposed to drink from their wells till they run dry, so what has happened? Issues!

Granted that I was married to just one of the numerous women who could have freely allowed me to do a thing or two with them, I am still very sure that, there would be days where my beautiful wife would decline my call to commune for so many reasons, among which would be tiredness, emotional instability, the need to enjoy serenity, the need to be with one’s self or probably out of sync, coupled with my annoyance and same would have applied too, if I was just picking women at random based on attractiveness, the need to cling and to feel accepted. 

However, no matter high the probability for one out of ten women who could have wanted to have sex with me on days where my ‘wife’ becomes inaccessible, I still guess that, the deal to even have a one-night stand is non-negotiable and a no-go area in our society. it is even funny when She is not ready to have sex or probably sick and indisposed, or may have traveled or all the aforementioned factors may still be applying, but the mere mentioning of something weird, such as that alone is enough to spark the third world war so you probably have to do is to resort to masturbation or praying. E hard o!

How many days, months or years should the willing spouse wait should all these prevailing conditions linger on? I sometimes shudder at what can become of us should our thought processes develop in the direction it is headed to, but I still believe in humanity to find a balance therein.

I always feel myself reveling in a claustrophobic world where I can’t live my life. There is so much limitations and dictations against all odds and in a supposedly liberal world which allows men to have anal sex but other men can’t have one or more sexual partners and it kills me to continually conform to some one time emotionally imbalanced and transient thought of someone’s utopia. Why do I keep fighting between the need to gratify my sexual desires and the need to conform, which is continually conflicting anyway?

Can Science answer how many times a man should or can have sex? I am just being hopeful it does for me to be a lot more hopeful because I know it can also provide the answer to how many sexual partners we are mandated to have. 

How can I forget that a society without highly esteemed laws that are so valued is soon thrown into a state of anarchy, but did we actually pass a law which binds one man to one woman even long after their desire to cohabit, procreate or just mate for the sake of it has ended? Evidently, no one person can satisfy our wants by being everything we have ever wanted in a mate or spouse, so why can’t we allow ourselves to arrange it in such a way that, a man can go for one woman who is blessed with exceptional culinary skills, another one endowed with a great sense of fashion, and the other with great sense of humour and oratory power and another with very delicate and beautiful features like that of an Akuaba doll?

Wouldn’t this make up for what we want rather than the compulsion to stick to one clueless life partner even after the realization that our fore decisions requires a little altering? What happened to the age old wisdom of only fools sticking to their earlier illogical decisions? I know we are living in dangerous times; times when it is easier to say we are all angels than to say we are fools and ill-willed, but why these unnecessary theatrics? 

How long are we going to arraign the numerous men and women before our guilty selves for having consensual sex because some group of people decides to call it scandalous? Ridiculous! So many great men and women have been publicly shamed and chastised regardless of their good deeds and attributes simply for having sex they practically consented to. Such a hopeless situation where those with sin are the first ones to be casting stones at the accused.

How long are we going to look on for homes to be disintegrated just because one fallible man or woman could not maintain a one-time balance between societal ethics or values and their primal biological needs? We move heaven and earth to encourage the not-caught-yet spouse to break away from the sinful other and where do they go, to marry another person and live happily ever after, no?

How about imagining an utopian society where the need to marry one or more wives or keeping other women otherwise known as concubines would be an individual choice based on some conditions rather than a collective one? Alcohol consumption is legal for everyone above eighteen and lower than that threshold in modern and extreme cases but it is not everyone who consumes alcohol so how different would it be when it comes to marriage. It still would be dependent on some factors like handsomeness or beauty, attitude, the ability to take care of multiple partners among others. We claim differences with regards to orientation, bloodlines, and environmental influences and still compel ourselves to do things the same way. Are you not tired of living in a cloned society where diversity and the need to be one’s self is always preached but not adhered to or I am just an incorrigible deviant? 

Dear reader, I hope you are not just yet judging my asking all these rhetoric, when all you can do is to take off a little time of your busy schedule that does not allow you to ask these kind of questions let alone come by answers to help me find answers to my questions and I just may stop indoctrinating those who are probably nodding and siding with my expressed thoughts. 

Alright, enough of the cynicism. I am sure the need to marry and stick to the one-man-one-spouse project is to create a just world where one’s partner would be the most beautiful thing that has ever beheld their eyes and also become the panacea to their numerous relationship and sexual needs. These spouses would always be there for and with us where bonds of varying degrees would be formed which we also refer to as, over-dependence. They would be everything ranging from that hairy-chested man who dresses to kill and at the same time, the most God-fearing person you have ever known. They would also be that hard working guy who would also have time to spare walking you through the park and still have time to work out their six-pack and tone up like the Vitruvian man. 

The question however is, is the one-man-one-spouse program working? Do we have that trouble-free and just world full of lovers who understands the very purpose of their being together? Sex can pass for one of the many causes that have killed men the most yet it is always met with closed-lips, uncanny attitude and funny postures.

Personally, I don’t cheat when I’m in a relationship which is almost all the time because I try to always make it up to them by playing the role they offer me in their lives. What I do is to protect their feelings by dishing out the right cards while holding the ace close to my heart. Yes, I do not cheat in a relationship; rather, I find myself sinning against God. If my religious inclination is still something to go by, then it is God, who has asked us not to fornicate or commit adultery, which I should be answerable to when it comes to the sexual institution and its related escapades. He is the one I have been ignorantly outsmarting, not my woman and I hope you got that? 

Mandating people to vow to keep to a spouse before all men or swearing the oath of celibacy, while keeping (other) women at the blind side of society is just not cool and smacks of hypocrisy. Even though I stand to be corrected, I think people should not be compelled to tow such hard lines which leave them scathed and insane. In other words and against the backdrop of all that has happened in the name of sex, we have to erode all the regressive and stifling laws or make some exemptions to allow responsible and capable people to satisfy their elevated animal instincts.

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Sex - Key to Knowledge (I)

Inarguably, almost everyone who has attained the age of puberty and beyond has something to say about sex, because we all know a thing or two about the pervasive act which has being with us since the days of Adam. Sex will not leave us anytime soon and anything short of its practice whether on legal, health or moral basis is bound to see the procreation of man come to an end and by extension, extinction of the human race and any living thing that procreates through mating.

For the records, I would like to state that, this piece has a religious underlining and my own conviction which must not necessarily corroborate anyone’s thought or otherwise. I want to be solely responsible for everything herein to avoid the seeing-is-believing bunch of die-hards who will ask me to show them empirical evidence. I am also grateful for the source literature which sparked up the interest to write this piece on sex, but if you ever decide to read beyond this piece, then my article is premised on the Bible in the book of Genesis Chapters 2:16 & 17 and 3:1-20 for your own perusal.

The first time I heard someone relating the famous tree of knowledge of good and evil to sex, I asked him to stop right there because the novice that I was, thought him a blasphemous goon to which I was not going to be a part of and this was in the mid 90’s when I was in Secondary School but some years on, my conviction about the sex theory has grown more than that guy who was probably just saying.

Simply put, the bible which is the embodiment of truth is and cannot be comprehensible to everyone thus the perplexity that comes with its comprehension through generations before us and the ones to follow. The bible in its simple state is as well the most complex of books that has been authored by man. No, men of God! And it explains why the boy retorted to me “were you expecting them to say, they had sex?” Intriguing!

Why is it hard for us to believe that Adam and Eve had sex anymore than we can believe that it was literally a tree named a ‘tree of knowledge of good and evil?  Has the tree become extinct? How come we don’t have any more of those species of trees anymore? 

Either we were told lies or the teachers didn’t know anymore than the students they professed to have been teaching and some of these discoveries which falls outside our syllabi and other accepted ways of doing things make me look back and ponder over our system. Either the conspiracy theory rages on or too many ignorant people are placed in authoritative positions by other ignorant people who misguides and misdirects us. No wonder, my visual representation of apple until recently has always been Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden clad in their loin cloths; Eve extending a bitten apple to Adam.

To the best of my knowledge, sex is the key to knowledge without which, one is considered as innocent. Sex is one of the yardsticks for measuring Knowledge that is why people are considered to have entered a different phase of life when they marry – the ideal time to have sex and it is also worthy to note that sex is primarily for procreation.

Most of us had our perceptions about life changed the first time we had sex. Everything became different and in most cases, we felt afraid, grown and arrived. Well, that is how we started discovering knowledge which mainly constitutes good and evil and admittedly, we also discovered pain, sorrow and sickness.

Hitherto the eating of the fruit of the mythical tree of knowledge of good and evil, Adam and Eve were espoused to be good; the former chasing after animals and naming them and the latter strolling in other parts of the Garden until she met ‘the serpent’, where they exercised their creative functions independently of God’s directive and there and then, they knew instantly that, they were naked and almost aware of their very existence and the emphasis is on Knowledge.

Remember, they were admonished to stay away from that tree, yet they disobeyed God. They thought outside the box and became aware of stellar influences which they were previously unaware of. They have become all knowing soon after eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

Knowledge seekers already know that knowledge brings us pain and sorrow but also comes with inestimable blessings of emancipation from outside influence and guidance, so it came to pass that, Adam and Eve were cursed which was not necessarily a curse but an expression or a simple statement of the resultant effect of their creative function they exercised.

Is it a curse to tell your Son who is now of age to shoulder responsibilities upon assumption of manly status evidenced by his impregnation of a woman? They are just consequences of your action.

They had sex and even though it was disobedient to God, the generative force brought about childbirth which was followed by God’s curse which was merely the consequences of their thinking outside the box. They probably did not wait for God’s directive to eat of the tree or in plain terms, to have sex but was God going to ask them to eat it someday? Wouldn’t it have been illusive, well, until manifested?

Doesn’t our society punish us for not falling in line? Society chastises anyone who thinks outside the box until something different and sustainable is discovered or unearthed. They come as defiant and labeled as deviants for not heeding to the existing norms but again it is the only way new things are created.  

Just like God told Adam and Eve that the eating from the knowledge tree would result in their death (maybe spiritually) which did not come to pass, it is in same vein society spells to us all kinds of consequences that could befall us should we do something that does not fall within the box. Mostly, the daring ones who go beyond the threshold as we have come to know only discover a new form of beauty.

Had man remained a God-guided automation, he would not have known sickness, pain or death till this day; but would have lacked the brain consciousness and independence which resulted from the enlightenment by the serpent who opened his understanding and taught him to use his then dim vision to gain knowledge of his world which he was already destined to conquer.

You would recall that before man’s enlightenment, he had not known sickness, pain nor death but all resulted from the unwise use of the propagative faculty and its abuse for the gratification of the senses.

Sex is a generative force which if used ignorantly or for other purposes primarily becomes responsible for our pain, sorrow and sicknesses. Sex cannot be used as way of killing boredom neither should it be used as a means of pursuing pleasure. Sex (organs) as a function is designed solely for the perpetration of species and under no circumstances for the gratification of sensual desire.

As higher order primates, we naturally and primarily get most things done wrongly because of our emotions which results in our desires, other than how things should be, as evidenced in our altering of almost everything and now anal sex by gays.

Animals in their wild state are exempt from sickness and pain because their propagation is not influenced by emotions and desires but carried under the care and direction of the wise cosmic spirit at only those times of the year which are propitious to that process just like most women feel for sex before, during or after their menstrual periods. 

Nowadays, people practically arrange to have sex without being on heat or just have sex at will and it is this unwise use of the propagative faculty and its abuse for sensual gratification of the senses that has brought untold hardships on us individuals and the generation as a whole.

It was not unwise of our forefathers to marry their daughters and Sons off in their puberty when their reproductive organs became matured. The older folks knew that, their libidos will be naturally aroused from time to time and failure to satisfy it could just result in sickness, a form of pain, neglect or masochism over a period of time thus the ease and convenience of marrying them off to have sex as and when their heat mechanism is activated.

Unconditional Love

She has never been the same again since their paths crossed that busy morning in the elevator. They were both headed to their various offices which were situated in the same building but on different floors and for different companies. She had to exit from the moving cubicle on the 8^th floor and did not know where her crash was headed to, on a 16 floor tower, which added to the anxiety that was building up on sighting the guy when he stepped in.

Her enthusiasm to find out who the guy was and how to nail him has just made life beautiful. It has given her something to live for apart from the busy corporate life she led. Life to her has taken a dramatic turn for good and she was going to bask in it. She was going to allow absolutely nothing, not even her negative emotions to come between her and her new object of happiness.

Jemila has been a single lady for the best part of three years even though she accepted and went on a couple of dates with men from all walks, but the farthest any of them went was a hug when they managed to drop her at home. For those who did not pass her virtual test, they never got the chance to even escort her home.  She was paying the price for bitterness from her previous relationship.

She has now by twist of fate discovered how to spend her days other than poring into her work all day and making deadlines, which is to find happiness. She began coming out of her office from time to time to monitor the elevator and sometimes frequenting the eatery on the ground floor just to bump into her new object of fascination. At home, she carried out all her chores with gaiety and some renewed energy and at night she becomes sleepless.

Even though it was only two days, it felt like years, so she changed her strategy by rearranging her office, so she could directly be watching the car park through the window blinds. That was sure to work and it did work after the sixth day which brought her self-torment to an end. 

She came earlier the next morning and waited around the car park until her Superman arrived. Even though, she thought it intrusive and falling over the cliff, she approached him, extended a hand and introduced herself.  If there was anything that worked for him about women, it was the air of confidence they exude. He took the extended hand of friendship, smiled and spoke for the first time.

“Safo is my name. I work for Gemini Consults as a lawyer. I resumed last week” he revealed and managed a coy smile as they headed towards the main building. 

They chit-chatted their way up and even managed to book a lunch date before parting to their various offices. With a beaming smile, elated Jemila pumped a fist in the air as soon as she came out of the elevator and started humming an old tune she’s never heard herself sing in a very long while. But, how could she sing a love song when she was at loggerheads with love? She swung joyously to the office, knowing that everything was alright.  

Maybe everything was not alright because anytime she was this close to her dreams, something goes wrong but she caught herself before her thoughts derailed further into negativity. “No, this is the guy of my dreams, the one I’m going to give my unconditional love to and I am going to do everything to have him. Period” as she settled in to contribute her day’s quota.

Before long, it was lunch-break and everything came to pass as she envisaged. Lunch with the perfect gentleman also turned out to be the first time she was seen in the company of a man at the canteen.

Love is a good thing.

Their first date turned out well which warranted another one in the evening. It was Tea or Ice cream and a movie afterwards, to be decided two hours before the date. And while Safo was taking everything easy and considering Jemila, a very good distraction from his marriage which was on the verge of collapse, Jemila was on cloud nine waiting to climb higher. 

Well, she is on the threshold now.

Whereas Safo was talking to her wife’s lawyer and some family members from both divides all afternoon to save his marriage, Jemila was busy picking out clothes from her wardrobe in her mind’s eye. She changed into several clothes, applied assorted lipsticks and ear rings to match, until she got the perfect dress and accessories for the night. She was also scripting in her mind how she was going to break the news without sounding unnecessarily desperate.

What if she was desperate? Well, she couldn’t come home tonight without telling him somehow, lest she will explode into tiny fragments and that would be the end of her existence. What happened to the old motivational, “go for what you want”?

Time waits for no man and they were already seated across each other, giggling and licking Ice creams from their beech sticks like school kids in the ambience of the new plush Ice cream joint in Town. As far as expectations were concerned, the night was turning out well for Jemila, so she thought the timing was right to spill the beans.

“I hate to push my luck but I would like to state that, it’s nice being friends with you. I can’t believe we are already having good times like some old friends. I feel at home already and wouldn’t mind having a repeated dose of this every time” she broke the ice.

“How do you mean”, he enquired firmly

“Please, I have never been good with words and hope you understand me” she explained further

“That will be a little difficult since I don’t know what you talking about”

“I love you” she declared and waited for some time to pass and continued

“It’s unconditional and I knew it the very first time we met. I would have waited for your feelings for me to mature, but I’m sure I couldn’t have made it through this night without letting you know”

Safo just smiled, shifted his chair back, beckoned to an attendant within sight and adjusted well, so he could reach out for his wallet at the back of his pants to pay the bill.

“Jemila, its nice knowing you and I think you are and will be a nice company but no one can love anyone unconditionally, not even God. We all love with conditions attached and I refuse to continue this meeting. Good evening” 

Touché!

Jemila just sat there dumbfounded and could not come to terms, but one thing was clear as she sat in the shades the lights threw at her and that was at least she could love again. Yes, she will love again only this time, it will be conditional.