The Confession #The Cross#

Reality was getting harsh by the day as far as his world was concerned. The sharp and hard features of his surrounding dawned on him. He reverted his thoughts to pick up from where he trailed off, before the Rev. Fr. Alonzo left him for the Sacristy.

“Yes, we shall” he answered in response to the Rev. Father as he entered into the confessional booth.  

The small enclosed room used for the sacrament of penance was almost dark but he was not looking for anything, so he was okay with the illumination and knelt on the kneeler while Father Alonzo also went into a separate compartment. He quickly made the sign of the cross and started with his confession as the Priest declared “May the Lord be in our heart to help you make a good confession”.

“Father, I have sinned against you and humankind. I have been very unkind to humans but only because they made me do that. It’s been some eighteen years since I came before you but I’m sure you are privy to my schedules and activities. I have not come to confess all of my sins but only to confess those I have done against you…..”  “Stop right there, my Son” as he was interrupted by the Rev. Father from the other divide of the booth.

Selasi raised his head immediately and saw a crucifix hanged on the grille that divides the confessional booth but couldn’t see anyone there.

“Why are you talking like that, my Son?” the Rev. Alonzo enquired.

“Just confessing my sins, how did it sound?” Selasi retorted.

“You were supposed to be confessing your sins”

“And what do you think I was doing?” he snapped angrily. “Why did you try coming between me and my God? This is the problem I have with Priests like you. I did not come here to have a conversation with you and like I said before, I came to confess my sins to God, so I wonder what your business is, in the first place being in the booth”

“I don’t know you from Adam and you know me not, but if I were you, I would just keep quiet and eavesdrop on the conversation between me and God that is, if you are bent on listening to what has been going on in the lives of people. You claim to be without a sin, which is why you don’t confess before anyone but I am fine with that. What I’m not fine with is, you have been usurping the powers of God and assuming his place, but as a true son of God, I have the right to put you right” he said fuming

“It is not what you think my Son; I am your spiritual father and only here to guide you to salvation”

“Are you saved yet” he fired back, adrenaline rushing through all his sinews “I’m not even interested in this confession anymore” as he stood up and rounded the booth to the other entrance where the Rev. Father Jeremiah was.

The Rev. Father upon seeing Selasi at his entrance felt terrible and shuddered as he murmured some chants only he could hear. The frightened expression on the Rev. Father’s face, as he held on to the rosary reminded Selasi of the scripture that states how mere mortals should not touch God’s Prophet or do them no harm, so he stared at him for what appears like hours un-end and then left through the rear door near the Sacristy.

He was confused and apprehensive because he was headed for the streets again, where everything happened, The streets; where there were no rules or maybe there were rules but the natural law of selection was pre-dominant and life was still brutish and in force like it was in the days of the hobbits.

He did not like the idea that he wasn’t doing anything amazing with his own life despite his many trials. He wanted to live just like anyone. He doesn’t like running amok the city through all these rat-runs and alleyways. He has all money can buy, but he wasn’t at peace with himself, life was almost becoming meaningless. He always wanted to do right and to make the world a better place for his loved ones but he kept realizing that there are no loved ones, he had no one, the world is full with succession of mass murderers, rapists, arsonists, criminals and men and women he referred to as characters.

He was trying to be strong against all odds to become who he might be. He knows he has a better calling than he has now. Even though he was a proud militant in the Lord’s Army, he wished his role was reversed or changed. Even though he prides himself as the best among his regiment and the whole catchment areas, he didn’t like it.

He killed people who did not deserve to live, punishing the undeserving, those who made life hard for the masses by robbing them. He robbed the Priests, business men and the Politicians. God talks to everyone and how we interpret what He tells us is our sole prerogative. God chooses and directs him to his targets; that he can never lie about. How else can he even perceive his thoughts, let alone sustain them if God was not directing him through his grace? How possible is it for him to even wake up every day? Wouldn’t God have given up on him long time ago? These and myriads of them makes him know that he is in the line of duty.

He had just run into the Church for confession after an unsuccessful operation, maiming one old business man; accused for exploiting the workers who worked in his factory. He has no relation at the Factory but he took pain to interview a sample of the entire population that worked in the factory to have an idea about their living standards and to ascertain his suspicion of the man’s tax evasive ploy. He didn’t get worked up on the second reason because that one could be likened to robbing Peter to pay Paul. Why should he care about the government when they have totally failed at their mandate?

He doesn’t worry much when things do not go his way because a believer of his caliber should not even try to fault God; the farthest he could go was to question him. Of course, he took directive from him and can ask him questions if he needed some clarity on issues. The confession did not come off because it was not supposed to and he seemed not to care. The only aspect of what ensued that got to him was the fact that there are too many fanatics in the house of the Lord and some even parading as the Lord himself.

Some things go beyond his comprehension and he doesn’t know how the whole world could sit aloof and make some of these people take advantage of the vulnerable and gullible ones. The Bible has categorically stated that Wolves will come in sheep clothing so he wonders why these same people who are being led, guided by the bible cannot discern the truth. You are even tempted to ask what they go to do at the church. They probably just decorate their shelves with their bibles until Sunday when they dust it and brandish it like a murderer’s dagger on their way to church.

Maybe solidarity and group think made them attend the church or perhaps they attended for a change from their jobs. But some of these ignorant people needs some of them to save them from these frauds; their nemesis. It is why some of them exist, except the laborers are few for the bountiful and bumper harvest, but they were still motivated to do His bidding.

Selasi was passionate about his calling. His calling gave him power, much power than he could handle. He walked on all corridors of power, those he hasn’t, he was yet to and it’s because he knows the essence of power and knows how much the bearded old man above wields. It even goes beyond his imagination and the only way he could revere him is to carry out his duties diligently by listening to his own instincts and that is how he comes up with ideas purported to be directly from God.

He could not be wrong about his constant communications with God and he knows that his claim cannot be disputed, but he was even at ease because he was not answerable to anyone let alone explaining his actions and inactions. All he knows and does is to wait for God’s communiqué.

He was a willing servant so he was the one who goes to others and also does the proposition.  Anything short of that would have nothing to do with him. He was the one who uses the influence of others and did the coming; he chose everyone.

He doesn’t like being approached, It makes him exposed and makes him feel chosen which makes him vulnerable, It makes him feel like the other party has everything planned out and was only deploying him in his pursuit to satisfying his ends. He likes to be the one with the big picture and does the choosing. He never compromised on his ideals because the God he served was a time keeping and a promise fulfilling God.

He was working at attaining greatness; near perfection, so he observed his rituals and was routinely timeous. He was plan conscious and lived his life by planning as thought him by his master. God’s essence is time so he has to observe time and make it count. He did not do things as they come, there was still an iota of planning, and he practically did everything on time. He prayed in the mornings, even times he returned from the city at dawn. He also tries to read the bible every day, memorizes a scripture a day and he almost knew his bible. After all it took the average reader about seventy-seven hours at most to read the entire bible.

He’s never felt any remorse for killing anyone because the kingdom of God must be taken by force and violence if necessary. And perhaps the same reason why the fanatics are leaving no stone unturned to hijack the church and lead the whole flock into an abyss. God himself was a God of war; He led the Israelites to many countless victories just that he had a task of looking for the other chosen ones to bring order and sanctity into the society and his kingdom as a whole before they find him and approach him to help because it would be a failed meeting.

He mused all the way through jammed traffic to the house, so exhausted from the last operation because of the effort he had to put in, only to have an abortive operation. He loathed the idea of not being able to kill his target but only succeeding in maiming him, coupled with the fact that he could not confess his sins. He lied in his sofa in the living room as he came to the conclusion that something must be wrong and evidently, it’s the gods that have gone crazy as his senses faded into oblivion.