Familiarity breeds contempt

It's true that familiarity breeds a repugnant and an engulfing contempt which finally enstranges a relationship - be it love, business, social or just anything you can think of.

Sometime ago on social media especially Facebook, when you become friends with people, one of the two parties slides into the inbox of the other to acknowledge friendship only because it's a privilege. Other times, it happens in the full glare of anyone who shares their timelines. This, they do at least once or twice even if it was going to be the only chance at friendship. But now.

It has become a haram to openly acknowledge friendship on each other's wall because when you do, you can become an object of public ridicule for a while and sometimes from time to time, through a screenshot to remind you of your folly or when you arrived. It portrays you as a softie who is all sentimental. Therefore, it's now okay to remain friends with people for so many years without a hi, as though that's how we do in real life where we get to see people, animated.

Why are we no longer friendly?

If all we want is to add and remain friends with people just to be privy to their lifes, then why do we add them as friends (and not follow them in worst case scenarios)? Perhaps the laxity of Facebook's terms of engagement has also helped to make this anomaly pervasive, unlike Twitter that thrives on economy, where you don't automatically become friends with people only because they are available. No, you decide to follow back. You decide to be friends with the fellow too, otherwise the friendship remains a one way affair where only the former gets to follow you.

Aside the algorithms that influences friendship, I think that we have become unfriendly only because too many people have become overly friendly - a gesture that freaks most people out, like someone sliding into your inbox for the first time and begins to address you as 'my dear' without allowing the friendship to define itself over time. I also think that technology or the aid of bundled data has made it way too accessible for us to 'see' and interact with each other all the time which ostensibly blinds people to blur the lines.

It is necessary to maintain respect for everyone you become friends with because it's an earned privilege and that would be it, only we don't mind if there are other motives as long as none of it is to hurt them. Only be familiar with people if you can be decorous about it but for those who easily gets awed by the lights, be friends but don't get too familiar with people so you can always keep contempt at bay and this has nothing to do with being anti-social, being narcissistic or too goal-oriented.

Those of you with good lace fronts,  just don't get too caught up in this virtual world. #agb



The writer tweets @vilejah

To Judge Not

Perhaps, there is some truism in the ‘judge not that ye may not be judged’ verse as intimated by the Holy Bible. I don’t know if judgment entails forming opinion about people’s actions and its ramifications thereof but I really don’t know how I can live in this twined world without holding some variables constant.

Notably, people are what they have become; a resultant effect of the sum total of their experiences which invariably affects what they have seen and heard, what they have actualized, their world view, expectations, penchants et al.

Therefore I think judging people just because they happen to be our classmates, spouses, siblings and Facebook friend is uncool. As much as my will would will me, I would try to desist from judging people. They are a sum total of their experiences, not mine and should not live in my eyes. It is totally wrong and downright disrespectful to judge. You must think that the famous economist was wrong when they asserted that the consumer is always rational.

 

 

How dare you think that, that person you are judging didn’t have a compelling need to do what you just judged them for? Have you held on to a visceral belief only to wake up one fine or turbulent day to realize that shit doesn’t make sense any longer?

We are evolving beings and should be allowed to go through the various stages and processes that would inch us to being what is expected of us, not forgetting that our varying dispositions underlie what we are and what would become of us. Judging people only portray you as intolerant especially if these people we are judging do not answer to us.

People should be allowed to be who they want to be as long as they are within the confines of the laid down rules and it would be proper to also stop holding ourselves as the S.I unit for living. We have different callings which necessitate that we tow different paths and do things differently and while you are it, be thankful for knowing the right thing which has become sacrosanct from your standpoint. Be mindful of perceptions and stop holding yourself ignorant.

The writer tweets @vilejah

 

In Your Presence

My longing absence

Only to squirm in your presence

Intense longs after sweet so-longs

The intense need to feed

How unthinkable to miss you in your presence

To miss all I ever had

Something about you, no, yes, no.

Something about me, yes!

Your smile, the ransom.

If only your next move, I can fathom.

You were my keel, then my kill.

Everything I never had…

To tame love, for it is the doing of my mind; my reality.

Hand in hand, we fight

Hand out of hand we tighten loose ends.

To keep on keeping on for love refines the truth.

Fatal Attraction

Once upon a time, a girl who was tired and scheming to switch off from his boyfriend met a fine guy online and decided to take a chance. 

 

Knowing how fatal attractions go, date and venue were quickly set. They couldn't wait to find out what awaits them. They have to stop counting their losses so it was time to meet and they moved towards same direction from different parts of town; all of them telling tonnes of lies to their respective emotional dependents.

 

In-between time and space... 

 

Many hours later in a somewhat forced confession just to make amends with her dashed hopes, she said, of all the many things she ever wanted in life was not to sell her soul for pittance and this, she meant, but it turned out that she had a problem - a problem that would shoot her south in a downward spiral. It turned out that her understanding of themes such as soul or pittance is blurred out in an extremely Gaussian way. It's so mixed up that the nuances have lost out on her. Its two non-negotiable ways; either she doesn't have a soul or she didn't understand the soul concept. 

 

The only reason she walked away is the guy was disabled. No. handicapped. And to make matters worse, he had a wife, which became a good riddance, otherwise, she didn't have a choice than to hinge his excuse on the fact that he was crippled in one leg. Not that, she was answerable or explicable to anyone. 

 

The writer tweets @vilejah

Evanescence of Life

The first time we met

You must have had a different reason, I bet

The one that brings to the fore all the hurts

Damn! It was possibly to gratify your ego

You know you should have let go long ago

But you held on to boost your self-esteem

And indulged because it made you come alive

If only you knew it was just a moment in time

All I long to see is the smiles on your face

Waking up to all the late night talks

The endless drama when you deny me

The cackle when the chatter box falls back

All the communing and hand holding

The walks and shopping at the malls

The talks and show of balls

The rise and falls

Oh, this narrative is set in the past

A reminder that nothing lasts

That, moments should be ceased

That, life is evanescent.

 The writer tweets @vilejah

The Ultimatum

The Mis-con-ception...

For the first time in her entire twenty-six year old Christian life, going through the two hewed marble pillars which serves as the entrance to the vast Church compound that fateful Sunday morning was the most dreadful. She instinctively looked to the left to see if Pastor Wiafe’s overused Hyundai i10 which served as a reminder of his modesty, was parked in front of the magnificent whitewashed building but did not see any car.  The lawn in front of the two-storey building which serves as the Pastors’ common room was deserted too, signaling Pastor Wiafe’s absence. As if on cue, she turned to look to the right and saw a handful of people scurrying off towards the domineering Church building situated at the far end of the vast compound.

 

She gazed at the dashing folks and did not know what to make of them. Maybe, she should just bore into their minds and find out if they were in Church for salvation and to do the will of God or if they were just in church to use it as a means to a superficial end. But before she could restrain herself from these self-absorbing thoughts, she was interrupted by the loud clanging of the towering Church bells signaling the beginning of the day’s programme. 

The startling effect from the clanging bells which annoyed her so much set her thinking as to why the church was still using tolling bells in a world where everyone has a gadget or two with a time feature and are not premised around the Church anyway.  What beats her even more was how she has never thought about this until now that everything seemed wishy-washy about the Church. And this is how she knew that her predicament was having a toll on her. It was the same time she felt a cold, damp tear trickle down her cheeks. 

“Oh not again!” she muttered as she reached for a box of tissue paper in a bag she clutched under her armpit.

She bit her lower lip which was already swollen as though, it will prevent the tear ducts from allowing the tears to freely flow, but her pre-occupation was more on how to avoid being the centre of any unnecessary drama where everyone would be heaping empathy on her as though she was incapable of taking care of herself. No! She was too strong for that.

As far as her wobbly legs and shaky frame could carry her, she moved from her initial spot where she was sobbing into the shadow which has been casted by the purported Jerusalem walls of the Church as she dabs the free flowing tears. 

Although, she is not keen on what she wants any longer, one thing remains clear, which is, she is not going to allow anyone to come near her again, let alone tell her what she should do thenceforth, especially her Mother’s friends who professes to be the epitome of morality and know everything from Archeology to Zoology to finally shatter her already dented and fractured ego. Thanks to them and other Church people, she is no longer cheerful and enthusiastic about life. 

If she had not been led astray by everyone; Pastor Wiafe inclusive, that, marriage was the panacea to her

numerous problems, she would not have ended up losing faith in the oversimplified tenets of the Church. Recalling their beliefs and their numerous experts’ advice as though it was a magic wand only threw her into another bout of uncontrollable sobs and she knew she was a sorry sight by now. Without mincing thoughts, she has come to believe that, the church is more responsible for afflicting the souls of the lost and wandering flock of sheep it claims to be saving by overstepping their boundaries and staying aloof when it was mostly needed.

Thankfully, she was not in Church that fateful morning to fellowship, she was done with Church. She came to see pastor Wiafe to discuss pertinent issues which were crucial to her marriage since he was the assigned Pastor who nurtured them spiritually and also doubled as their counselor when she was about getting married. Infact, he was the one who convinced her to marry Roland. Her three weeks marriage is on the verge of breaking and she doesn’t know if she even wants to save it…

The writer tweets @vilejah

Hogbetsotsoza 2015

The Annual Hogbetsotso Festival for the people of Anlo kickstarts in their chief city, Anloga,  with cultural displays from the various Schools in the Community. Here are some still and motion pictures for your pleasure.

Love from Anloga